Hi In November last year we welcomed a rescued Lab into our homes to be part of the family. My wife grew up with dogs and wanted the same companionship for our children. He is obedient and friendly with both the cat and the children - however he is absolutely obsessed with my wife and follows her everywhere, does everything he can to get her attention (whining) first thing in the morning (05:30) and "shuts down" when she is not in the house and will not interact the rest of the family.. We have put in a lot of effort to change things including: My wife has stopped feeding him for the past three months and now only me and my daughter do it Me and my daughter took him to dog school for 15 weeks in an effort to build some bonding I have always taken him for walks as often as my wife - but when i throw ball he is not interested its remains a fun free zone When my wife is out we often lure him in for treat led games learnt from the dog training but he always has one eye on the door and will dart off to see if my wife is home at a car passing. None of this has made a difference. For example when i work from home he will spends the whole day on the stairs looking sad and depressed but full of energy if my wife is at home. This cant be healthy for him and doesn't do much create bonds with the wider family. We don't know much about his history only that he was a stray from a family who left the country. He came to us well trained and eased through dog school. He is now two years old and now wonder if this is how its going to be for the rest of his days with our family? We wanted a family dog not a one master dog and this seems like strange behaviour for a Lab? Any advice would be great - a lot of what we have read and spoken about with "experts" has been around separation anxiety but it appears to be more than that - he mopes when she is not here and come alive when she comes home. cheers Steve
Hi Steve, your boy certainly sounds quite unhappy from everything you say. It sounds as if he is suffering from a form of separation distress, although he isn't demonstrating the common destructive behaviour or house soiling, when your wife isn't there and the way he behaves when she is. I don't know who you mean by the term 'experts' consulted but it does sound as if a session with a good behaviourist might be an idea to come up with a plan to go forward and help your boy cope when your wife isn't there. You mention that he 'shuts down' when your wife isn't around the house which could be indicating a fear type response which could be related to his previous unknown life. Separation distress can be overcome with time, patience and professional help.
Hi Steven, and welcome to the forum What does your wife think about this situation? It doesn't sound like your dog is destructive when left alone (a usual sign of serious anxiety). Some dogs are just 'one person dogs'. Do you think you can live with it if nothing changes....?
Thanks - My wife thinks he needs help as she feels he is clearly not happy when she is not about and it is often remarked by family and friends how unsociable he is with other people except her. To be honest from my point of view if he a "one person dog" then the the next 10+ years are going to be a bit awkward as we got a Lab for the family. I am trying hence the dog training, feeding routines, walking, treats and just making sure i am involved - but the family don't get much back. When we have the money we will employ a dog psychologist and if that doesn't work we will have to decide what next. Thanks again for the responses.
I can understand that it is frustrating, especially when you all want to have a good, close relationship with your dog. I know I'd feel the same if my dog gave all his attention to my partner, and didn't seem interested in me. I know you know this, but your dog isn't meaning to be rude.....still, it must be hard not to think of it as a bit one-sided. The reality is, none of our dogs owe us anything at all. We have to take them as they are. That doesn't mean the situation can't change though. A skilled behaviourist will want to spend time observing you all interacting with your dog so they can come up with a plan. It would be good to go down that road when you can. In the meantime, you are doing good things. What would you say motivates your dog or captures his interest, apart from your wife? Food, tug toys, thrown toys, toys pulled along the ground, sniffing for things, chasing....? What floats his boat?
The dog is a normal dog my when my wife or treats are about - so its my wife and treats that float his boat. My relationship with the dog is secondary but his attitude can really affect the mood in the house. The big concern is how depressed he is when she is not about and how manic he is when she is. I can't have a conversation with her without him straining for her attention even though there are plenty of other people in the house willing to play with him. Anyway it appears to be that we have an odd Lab and we need to look to get someone in to help...
I wonder if this obsessive behaviour is the reason he was re-homed? It sounds, to me, that you are doing all the right things. I think if you relax about it , change your expectations,and use treats to maximum advantage you will get the changes you need slowly and gradually. ...
Gosh how very tricky for you all. You have my sympathy. When you feed him do you put his food in a bowl? Have you tried hand feeding him? I know some of our members have used this to create a bond with rescue dogs in the past. Also when you play treat based games what kind of treats are you using? Warm, moist treats like roast chicken and sausage is often high on the desirability scale, cheese is popular too! Just a few thoughts, wishing you and your family the best of luck!
Perhaps get another dog so that you have a family dog and your present dog may begin to relax more with a canine friend. Just a thought.
I was thinking hand feeding, too. Sitting on the floor with him as you do so, so you're on the same level. Make it a game by flicking bits of kibble across the floor, or throwing them to him to catch, so his whole meal is a bonding event that takes quite a long time, rather than just a bowl being put on the floor.
thank you very much for the replies - my wife did the hand feeding when we first got him to build the bond (as i was working) so this has given me hope and understanding. Yes he just woofs the food down like any other lab and its quickly over with. Always wanted to keep treats down as don't want him getting fat - but will try this. @Stacia - we did have another dog to stay this week and he had never been happier - but when my wife went shopping he stopped playing and crashed at the front door.
Hi, I have a "one man dog". She is happy as long as I am with her, if I leave her at home she sleeps until I am back, she is not really interested in the other family members, although sometimes will sit for a little while with them and then do back to her bed. She will only play with the kids and husband while I am there. Maisie is now 2 years old and has been like this from day one, she is also not interested in people she doesn't know. I was dissapointed at first that she is the not "family" dog I had longed for, but she is what she is and we all still love her, she's just different! However, she is not manic with me when I return home and does not demand attention from me either. Does your wife respond to the dogs attempts for attention or does she ignore him?
She ignores him until he calms down.. Does she follow you incessantly around the house I get upset when you are not in the same room?
@Steven Maskell, generally she doesn't follow me incessantly around the house. However, she does if she is bored or has not had enough exercise. She is far more relaxed with me and the family if she has had her brain worked, eg training, gundog exercises, etc. She has not been overly affectionate as a puppy, but over the last few months has started to relax a bit more. She is very sensitive and highly intelligent, and I think this makes her more attached the main person in her life, me! I'm hoping that as she matures she will "chill" a bit and accept and trust the other members of the family.
Hi Steve, I am so sorry your lovely boy seems so anxious without your wife. I wonder if he might have had a similar bond with his previous female owner or he could have been ill treated by males during his life so doesn't bond with you taking refuge with your wife, who knows. We rescued a Labrador x Pointer almost 5 years ago. We were advised to hand feed Charlie to strengthen our bond which we did so for many months he earned every scrap of food doing training and obedience and this definitely helped so I very much advise going down this route. He is given food and treats by everyone in our house so he values everyone. I do agree that a good behaviourist would be the best way to proceed as they might spot something you and your family haven't and then you will have the correct tools to hopefully help him on his way as he sounds just wonderful. xx
I also wondered if in his previous life he may have been ill treated by males and found solace with a female/
Yeah, I too have wondered that. Not knowing his history, maybe it's best looked on as a plus that he has bonded with anyone in the family. Maybe the realistic alternative for him was to bond with no-one at all.
I think it's hard to say without any knowledge of his past. Honestly, these past few weeks, people could have easily looked at Willow, having been dive-bombed by swallows, cowering under my legs, absolutely terrified, and thinking that she was a beaten dog. She's never known anything by +R training in her life, but she's still highly sensitive to certain triggers, and is highly bonded to me. I love she looks to me when she's scared - I'd rather she never felt scared in the first place, obviously - but I think it's too simplistic to assume a past that we don't know is there. You can only try and deal with the dog you have, with the information you're given (both by past carers, and the information the dog is giving you). It certainly can't hurt to try and build trust every way you can, just don't expect that the dog's personality will be changed dramatically.
My husband used to get really upset cos Snowie only had eyes for me when I was at home. And when I was out, he'd look forlorn until I'd get home. I'd even have my husband phoning: Come home already, Snowie is morose. Snowie is a very sociable dog and just loves it when people or dogs come to visit. The worst for my husband was that Snowie was more excited by a stranger ringing our bell than by his coming home. In fact, there were times when my husband would come home and Snowie would remain lying on his bed, didn't even lift his head to say hallo. Upset my husband no end! Even now, when we come home together, Snowie runs straight past my husband to check if I'm behind him. But things have changed dramatically, and hopefully they will for you, too. There are times of the day when Snowie is my husband's dog. Always at bedtime, Snowie jumps onto the bed to snuggle with him and they play on the bed, my husband sniffs him and makes funny noises and Snowie just loves this! I might well not exist in those moments. I must confess than when this first began to happen, I felt quite put out that I was no longer the favourite!! But then I saw it as a positive: that Snowie was no longer reliant only on me. I think it has to do with several things: my husband walks him a lot more than he used to, feeds him, has taken him to training. And I think most effective was that I had to go away for a few weeks and Snowie and my husband were left alone to work things out. When I came home I realised I was no longer needed quite as much!! Would your wife consider this option, taking a holiday from you guys for a few weeks?!
