Hi everyone, Stanley is 15 weeks now and I think I can say without a doubt this has been the hardest 6 weeks of my life. For about the first month I spent 75% of the day in tears wondering what I'd done, however these past couple of weeks I feel as though we have really bonded and I think the world of him. He's really fun and mischievous and he learns commands straight away and I'm loving teaching him. He loves all people and dogs and we're starting puppy classes on Monday. Plus he gives the BEST cuddles. However, we still have a major crying problem. He hates being left alone! There is improvement in that you can go upstairs now for a shower or to do some jobs and the majority of the time he will stay quiet as long as you're not gone too long. So I'm really grateful for the progress. But when you leave the house he cries a lot. My OH is very much of the "leave him to cry and he'll get over it" mentality. I don't cope very well with this and it doesn't sit right with me. I have tried it but he just seems to never stop and it certainly hasn't improved anything and I hate the thought of him being upset and scared. I tried click for quiet as Pippas book says, but my OH refused to engage with it properly and basically put him in his crate for 10 mins, when there was a pause let him out. Whereas I tried to build up and I got him to a couple of minutes without crying which I was pleased with. But because I was the only one doing it, it kind of got forgotten about. Eventually, I gave up and called for help. I got a dog trainer out who was lovely! He spent a full morning with us all and gave us loads of tips on how to deal with the stealing items and the crocodor that randomly appears but he mainly came to help with the crying. Low & behold, his advice was basically.. Click for quiet! He spent time showing us how to build up and I properly clicker train. And when he left I felt really positive, we had a plan and could move forward at Stanley's own pace until I looked at OH's face. Yet again, he doesn't want to engage and it's not a practical solution. As one of the main things the trainer said was do not set him up to fail, everytime he cries it will set him back and we'll have to work harder. So essentially.. He can't be left alone until he's been built up to it. I know this is going to be time consuming, but if it gets results I'm willing to put 100% in. OH is not willing and says "he has to be left, and he has to get used to it". He's agreed to try but said if he needs to go out, he needs to go. Problem is - OH has Stanley more than me because I work through the week whereas he works nights. Furthermore, his parents are our other main dog care, and they're not really buying into it either. So I really feel disheartened and don't know what to do. In 2 days I've got him up to 1 and a half minutes. Which I know doesn't sound like much but I was happy to get from 3 seconds to that and I really feel as though progress could be made, but I can't do it on my own. I want Stanley to be a happy dog who feels safe in our home, and if we can't give him that I feel as though we'd have to rehome him to someone who could which would break my heart. And I genuinely think with the right effort he'll get there and be a lovely dog. I'm at a complete loss with what to do? Sorry for the ridiculously long post. I think I needed to get all my thoughts out. And this is such a supportive place I thought if anyone would understand, you guys would ☺️
It's so tough when there are times you just have to leave them. My spaniel hated being left, he sounds similar to Stanley - I could barely take a shower! And I even have a lab but he didn't seem to give Obi any comfort or confidence while I was away. I did as you are doing and worked hard to build up the time whenever I could. Left him as little as possible and accepted we would have set backs when leaving him was unavoidable. I have some lovely neighbours who popped in and spent time with him. Between all that and a general maturing as he got older he's pretty good now. I still don't leave him more than three hours before someone pops in as when truly bored he can go hunting for things to chew but a quick fly by of the neighbour, out for a toilet break and he seems to settle happily again. Hopefully my experience will give you hope. Just keep doing your best, plan as much company and training as you can, don't beat yourself up for stuff that's genuinely unavoidable
Oh and get him hooked on Kongs if you can, they will occupy and soothe him. There are a whole bunch of threads on Kongs and things to fill them with.
It is hard when others aren't on board with the training. Rest assured that you yourself are doing it 100% right and have exactly the right attitude and approach to helping your dog. I think that all you can do is keep doing what you're doing. If the other humans won't get with the program then I wouldn't wear yourself out about that. Maybe it has become a point of pride with your husband - he does not want to be wrong about this... Rational argument might not work. So I'd just persevere with your training. And definitely invest in Kongs. Let us know how things are going. Vent here any time!
It's too bad that the others who aren't with the program have Stanley for longer periods of time than you do. But all you can do is to keep at it...hopefully the more you see success the more the others will see you are right. Hang in there, we are all behind you!
Jen, I'm a first owner like you probably. I got really lucky with Wuki, he can go through the night without notice and only barks when he's troubled. Imho, and i can be wrong, i think to some extent - both the trainer and your husband are right. Stanley has to be alone and understand that having time for himself and go to sleep is not a bad thing. But the way i see the click training at this time is that it shows stanley its good behavior. So, I'd try this, it was what i did with wuki: even during the day when Stanley gets quiet, Click him once and give him a treat. Do not forget the treat, because the click only signals a good behavior, it does not compensate. Then leave him for 1 minute. Click him, before he starts crying, treat. At some point start increasing the away time. Do not forget to click then treat. At night, get a cheap Radio and set in on with music or people talking. Set it low, and go away. Mark a go to Stanleys spot twice a night just for potty, and don't party when you take him. Make it the most boring possible potty time at night, so that he goes back to sleep. You really have to get control over this, because you need to sleep, and nobody rests in 10 minutes slots... Good luck.
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your replies and encouragement. I really hope we can get there and it's reassuring to hear other dogs have gotten through this. We have kongs which he does love so will definitely persevere and carry on making those his favourite and trying different things inside them. Sorry, I should've said as well Stanley is really good through the night. He takes himself off to bed about 10pm and sleeps through until 6.30am (sometimes he needs the toilet during that period but then he goes back to bed). It's just when he's left alone during the day we have problems. He's going to doggy day care for the first time today so hopefully he'll enjoy that and have lots of fun ☺️
I hope the doggy day care goes well. Fortunately mine have usually settled well during the day, mainly because for many years there's also been an older dog for company too. However, I've always left the radio on and given them kongs to help them settle. Stanley sounds lovely and you've obviously made good progress with other training so far, so I hope the clicker training works well. It's just a bit harder if your family aren't following the same routine.
I have a happy medium between leaving to cry and giving attention. When they are sleepy during the day I pop them in the crate/pen then sit right next to it on the floor reading my bookend ignore all whines, cries and pleas to be let out. My present pup, 11 week old Kara, would never sleep in the day otherwise - she just gets snappy when tired and won't give in to it. Over the 4 weeks she has been here I have employed the 'sitting by the crate' method and now I just stand there for a moment while she has a protest whimper for a few seconds - she now knows now that it doesn't work and quickly settles. (At first she jumped, shouted and howled - my friend said 'I don't know how you stand it'. I stand it be because the result is well worth it ) ...
I would definitely use the King to help with this. My pup was very attached to me and hated me leaving the room. Kongs with interesting fillings changed this completely. I could give him his yummy Kong then go and shower, go out to the shops etc. I still use them and he now gets excited rather than upset when in going out. I also don't leave him longer than 2/3 hours without someone going in but anything up to them he's absolutely fine. The kongs tire them out, especially when frozen and then they sleep. I have had great success filling them with wet puppy food (nature diet or natures menu). My husband, who was sceptical to begin with, is now very impressed with the "power of the Kong"!!! Good luck Sam and Mole(9mo)
Thank you! He seems OK in his crate when you're in the room, it's just when you're out of sight. He's much better just behind the baby gate in the kitchen when you go upstairs and he can wander freely. Usually stays much quieter then. Maybe he has an issue with his crate? Although he goes in by himself during the day to nap or on a night all night. All your suggestions are really helpful and appreciated! Definitely going to up the kongs ☺️ OH was doing some clicker crate training this morning so hopefully he's coming round to the idea. Fingers crossed we'll see some improvement and he'll settle down!
I can second your experience with the frozen Kong. I save them for bedtime though as Ted's perfectly happy if we step out of the room for a while (although he turns himself into a draught excluder then for some reason) We also give him ten minutes a couple or so times a day in his locked crate, and he's now fine with it (no Kong). Rewarding times when the puppy is calm, and just hanging out on the floor, is a great idea from Kikopup on Youtube. I dont think she clicks though, just puts the treat between the front paws. Nice video if you can find it. The night time Kongs by the was (three of 'em) are stuffed with a frozen mix of mashed banana, Greek yoghurt and salt-free peanut butter. If you consider my earliest despairing post about ever getting a night's sleep again, you'll see how far Ted's come.
I'm now expecting tips for which yogurt I should actually be using! Not sure if Greek is probiotic, but there you go.....
I have to admit that I did not crate Mole in the daytime. Just gave him his kongs and shut him in kitchen (Also with baby gate). The kitchen is puppy-proofed so he's always been happy in there and nothing chewed up to this point (9mo) other than his kongs. He is happy to be crated at night or if we go out for supper. Recently been decrated as we took him on holiday to Cornwall which has been fine (so far!) Maybe we were lucky but you could try that route too if your kitchen is safe for him to be in. Obviously we had nothing on counter tops he could reach and still don't!!!
Hi We do this with our 19 week old pup Alfie, he just gets popped in the kitchen when we leave with the door shut (his crate is in there to with the door open). I found that he likes to play with his Kongs by throwing them about and cant do that in his crate, also I think he gets hot in his crate (I quite often find him stretched out on the floor of the kitchen). We only pop him in his crate with the door shut at night but we didn't even do that when it was really warm .
Just to provide a little update since you were all so helpful.. We've seen much improvement these past few days. Once we hit about 10 minutes of quiet Stanley seemed to hit his stride and he will sit happily in his crate for an hour or so now quietly, dozing away to himself. We get the occasional wimper but nothing more. We left him for an hour with some tasty kongs (chicken stock frozen seems to be a huge hit) and there was no crying when we left and he was sat quietly when we returned. Don't want to get too excited just yet but hopefully we've turned a corner and he'll be much more settled. We always have a celebratory hi 5 after he's done well too!
