Hi all, just want to say thank you for ALL the responses. I have read them and re-read them. I'm almost 2 weeks in and I'm feeling a little more calm, however I still feel very depressed and stressed. I have found that I am realizing that I really wish I had the help of another person. As a single person living alone it's making me feel even more lonely and isolated. My parents live on the other coast and so I have no close family here to lend a hand if I need a break for a few days. Finn is actually pretty calm and well behaved and practically came housebroken.....it's really me and my own feelings to blame. I have struggled off and on with anxiety and depression, and I thought this would be a good thing for me (as did my close family and my therapist) as the last dog I lived with GREATLY helped me emotionally and I loved taking care of her. However I fear it is turning out to be the opposite because I haven't been able to do my usual self-care routines and get some quiet time, leading to a huge load of stress that has nowhere to go. I also noticed that with the weight of it all on my shoulders I'm having a very difficult time enjoying the pup and laughing things off and giggling at his silly behavior, etc. that I normally do with dogs that I lived with in the past. It seems to be a mental thing, or the product of the stress and depression. I feel just awful about it all because he is very sweet (although he definitely has his demonic moments haha). I still have thoughts that maybe I made a bad decision, and wishes that I could go back in time and tell myself to hold off for now. Which is making me feel awful. I'm struggling to make this work and putting a ton of effort in training him so far, but I've been crying way too much I am embarrassed to admit. Maybe I just don't have the mental constitution to raise a dog all by myself. It is true that no amount of reading and preparing and making pros and cons lists and thinking about it and making sure you're ready can prepare you. Just before I moved into my own one bedroom I watched a roommate raise a pup while I lived in the same house, so I knew what was involved, and I helped her out at times. I have been looking into dogs for ages and am pretty experienced with them. But nothing prepares you for these so called "blues". I also think that feeling that if I have to admit defeat and find him a different home that I will be crucified by everyone I know is only adding to the pressure.
FinnOfSoCal, if you're becoming too unwell to care for your puppy and you've realised raising him is not in your best interests in terms of your mental health, bugger anyone who judges you harshly if you decide to re-home him.
Can I just say making a decision which is the best for your dog and you is very brave and very unselfish
Bless you! I send my girl once a week to a very good doggy day care and it does us both good. She socializes and I have the day to myself. Also don't fear to reach out to friends and neighbors to tend her. You would be surprised just how many people love cute puppies and would die to keep her for a few hours.
If you do decide to rehome your pup, do let the breeder know first as I am sure they would have him back. Perhaps if you adopted an older dog it would be easier for you as you are on your own. The first 6 months of puppyhood is very difficult and I have always said if I had another pup, it would be at the very least, six months old!
What you're feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL! I had the help of my OH and don't have the stress you have with depression and I STILL had a nervous breakdown when my lab was the same age as yours. I've also had the "we've made a terrible mistake" moment, more than once! But honestly, it passes, and then you feel nothing but love for your pup There are just moments that are really hard, but you can get through it. "This too shall pass" is really true with these little bundles of terror and joy And all of the training you're putting in will truly pay off as he ages Don't be too hard on yourself You're doing amazing and Finn is lucky to have you.
I think it's a lot like learning a language. The first foreign language you learn you think...no, no, no...I'm never, ever going to be able to get all these stupid tenses and unpronounceable words and just sit down and have a chat without thinking about it someday. It's just never, ever going to happen. Then...it does. Somehow you cram all that training in and it just becomes a part of your life. You don't think grammar or tense or any other of that stuff, you just talk. The "second second" language is still the same struggle, but you know you did it once, you have in fact a better strategy because you know what you did that DIDN'T work the first time, and most importantly, you know you will get there because you did it once before. Just sort of move all that over to raising a dog, and it's kind of the same thing. You did it once and you can do it again. Even if it takes a long time...and they eat your nose.
Just saw this after I wrote my reply above. You need to do what is best for both of you...sometimes a well-considered re-homing is the right thing to do. You shouldn't ever feel like you will be "crucified". People who know and love you will understand. But also know that you aren't alone in the "What the heck have I done?" and "Can't I just go back and fix this?" feelings. Puppies are a boat load of work. So if you decide to keep on going with your pup, it does get better...and so, so much easier. Either way, you have choices, so maybe just knowing that will help lighten up that trapped feeling.
Again, thank you all so much for your non-judgemental words and support. I'm going to give it a little more time. I'm usually so, so good at doing things on my own as I'm very independent, and I almost prefer doing things on my own, but this is something I didn't anticipate
It's really good that you are persevering, but don't let other people put you down for decisions you make. At the end of the day your health is more important than anything. Good luck in whatever you choose
The last thing you should be thinking of is what OTHER PEOPLE think. Easy said, I know. Just read this whole thread all the way through this evening. I thought I might post a new thread "Is it labs.....are other puppies easier to manage?". We have had several forum members over the years that have had mental health issues and have struggled with their pups, going into adolescence too. Those that have stuck around and we know about seem to have survived by SHARING. Sharing on the forum, talking about their worries and woes, getting support and guidance. And if possible, getting outside help - a friend, a neighbour, a dog-walker - someone who can give you a little time out. Not essential for everybody, but can be a lifeline. Before your post about re-homing, I was going to say something about going to puppy classes and training classes, and I hesitated a bit as to whether to post or not. But I think its still valid. I think going to classes introduced me to a whole new social circle - new friends, new activities, new bonds and above all SUPPORT. I don't have mental health problems, but I'm not outgoing or confident at all, but at training classes on the whole, you all have a common interest and something to talk about and to share, and it opened up a whole new life for me. Trial of one, I know, but every little helps? The same advice goes to new mums with babies - don't get stuck at home with the 4 walls of your home - get out, go to creches, play areas, mother and toddler groups etc etc. Baby blues and puppy blues have many parallels. "Doing stuff" is so much better than feeling like you are a passive observer and out of control. Don't be hard on yourself, try making some small plans to get out and about and start making some good links. If at the end of the day it doesn't work out, it's not because you haven't thought about it, or tried. I'm quite sure you will do what is best for both of you in the end. It's a tough job but, yes, it does get better. jac
It's really hard when you're on your own because there's no let-up at all, particularly when you're tired and the puppy's not! It's probably the tiredness that's getting to you at the moment as it's still the worst period for training and settling Finn into your routine when he's still so young. Jac has made some good suggestions, so I hope you're able to weather the early weeks and enjoy having Finn around. If not, it's just not meant to be this time, but just give yourself time and don't worry about what other people think. Good luck.
Hi Jac, What sort of class did you go to? I'm currently in one at the local humane society, and it's good but it's only an hour and it's so rushed.....I don't interact with the other dog owners at all. (EDIT: I should say that nobody interacts with each other much. I'm pretty social and I was actually hoping there'd be more owner interaction) I'm not a fan of it, to be honest. Yesterday at the class Finn was getting super exuberant and rambunctious and I asked one of the trainers about how to mute that behavior....aka do they just grow out of it or do you need to train it out of them. Essentially I was looking for tips on calming him down. And she said "Oh that's just Labs." Not helpful!!
That doesn't sound great. Our training class was obedience based, and outside in a field. I appreciate that is not available everywhere - we are in Scotland, and even here a lot of classes are inside in village halls or such places. And "trainers" in general sometimes leave a lot to be desired. I guess asking around about different classes and going for tasters of them all is a good idea to get one you feel comfortable at. A good class should let you go for a "taster" session. And maybe go and visit some dog parks - not on the ground until fully vaccinated - but might help you to get to know dog people and what is around your area.
I had more luck with private classes and by that I mean group classes, but not ones offered by the HS or a big box pet store but by a trainer/school that training is all they do. They cost more but maybe because they do cost more people take them more seriously. Weekend classes also tend to be a little more the "hang around and talk after" feel, simply because people aren't dead on their feet after working and ready to get home after an evening class. Also once you get past the basic puppy classes people tend to bond more as they are the more dedicated sorts and you've been through several series of classes together, but that doesn't help you now. Speaking as someone who is single, doesn't have a big support system and was really in the throes of some mental and physical health issues when my second Rottie was a pup, I was more saved by taking my dogs down to the dog beach every day at the same time. I started to meet the same people regularly, you've got nothing more to do than shoot the breeze while playing with your dogs and it's a daily, regular thing you can go to. I met really nice people and it was easy to stay away from those who weren't so nice. I don't know if there's any dog hang out place like a dog beach next to you, but worth looking into. "Dog parks" weren't so great around me, but some people really like those. Also look online in your local area for dog walking groups. I belonged to a great one in California and another one now in Germany. The one in the US wasn't just dog walking - we also had movie nights, ferry and train rides, dog-friendly restaurant meet ups, and more cool stuff. The "are labs harder?" question is a good one and one I've really been asking myself too! I've not had a lab (I've had Rotties) and came here to the forum to learn about them and get a realistic idea of what I was facing if I adopted one. Just from the boards here, I think I had remarkably easy puppies or labs are indeed more challenging. I had OTHER issues (my 2nd puppy was on-leash dog aggressive which was a very bad problem) but most of the stuff I simply didn't face. The crocopup thing, for example, is totally alien to me! I'll be curious to read what other people think who have raised labs plus another breed. But even if they are....ahem..."challenging"...as puppies, they do certainly turn out lovely as adults.
You can always come and post here....there is no judging. Just do what is best for you and your pup. It does get better honestly as the bond between you and your pup grows. Good luck x
If you ever want to chat, let me know. I'm doing this 100% solo (except I did work hard to find dogsitters, but I have only had a few two-day breaks from her).
I too am doing this solo. This forum has so helped me. I think these first 4 weeks where I can't take Poppy out (well I can but I have to carry her so can't really go far) hard. Can't go to puppy classes, can't go for walks. My vets organise puppy parties but just once a month. I am trying to go out everyday somewhere even if it's just a 15 minute trip to the garden centre or pet shop. What I've found helped, but took me a while to adjust to.... At first when ever she slept I'd rush around tidying and sorting and doing all the things I felt I couldn't do when she was awake. But I was never getting a rest. So I swapped round... When she sleeps I go to the sofa. I can watch to, or come on the forum, or talk to a friend or just have a quiet moment to do some self care. Then when she is awake I vacuum or dry my hair (getting her used to both sounds) or wash up. I have also made the most of her meals. For each meal time (we do 3 meals with the 4th meal used as her treats throughout the day) she has a third of her food in a plastic bottle which she skids around the kitchen floor whilst I prepare my meal. This can take her 10 minutes and uses physical energy as well as brains. Then I give her the second third on her snuffle mat which takes 5-10 minutes and uses her nose and scent work. Then when I sit down to eat I give her a frozen Kong. All it has in is a third of her kibble, soaked and then stuff in and frozen. This can take her 20-30 minutes. And she sticks at it! Sometimes she can't get her tongue any further in and whines and she brings it to me now to loosen a little. This gives me an hour for each meal time where actually I can eat or do something quietly. At first I also thought I was being cruel putting her in her crate during the day but actually sometimes she is tired and just won't switch off. So if she has been up for over 90 minutes and I need a rest, I take her to her crate and sit by it until she settles (often just a couple of minutes) and then I can have a break too. I have to remember I have to care for myself in order to care for her. Oh I also discovered that she is OK being left in the car...she just settles down in her crate (I practiced by driving somewhere and leaving but standing next to the car where she can't see me). And so I pop to the supermarket for 10 minutes- again getting a few things every other day rather than doing a big shop. But it gives me 10 minutes of space. I must admit yesterday I popped out for a trip to the supermarket and on the way home she was still asleep and so I found myself driving round for another half an hour (up to a local scenic spot) just to enjoy the peace! I still am finding it a challenge, yesterday I was in tears (for other reasons ) and she kept launching at me to bite me, I put her in pen and she howled, I took her in the garden and she kept digging herself into this huge hole until she was black. So please don't hear this as if I've got it all sorted! Just a few things that have helped me a little. It has to be your choice, but I would say there is a difference between "I can't do it" and "I can't do it the way it is at the moment". What resources, techniques, support, changes do you need in order that you can do it?
