Wise words TJ I did it solo with Kara (OH was away) and finding ways to have a break is a challenge! I employed a dog walker for Tatze and snoozed/relaxed when Kara snoozed. I did plenty of phoning friends for moral support too. ...
You know, I'm not sure what I need to be honest. I still have this extreme depression over me that is muting everything. Like I have a wet blanket over my brain. I think what I need is to start enjoying this or it's not going to work for either of us. For the life of me I can't understand why I'm not getting any pleasure out of him. It's definitely making me feel like a lousy person because he's very cute and happy. And all I can think is that I'm some monster for not feeling warm fuzzy feelings towards him. Took him for a little adventure to my friend's work today....he cried in the car (I tried it without the crate this time because he hates the car crate now for some reason) and he kept trying to climb between the front seat and the door. Then he got extremely scared of a guy on the sidewalk playing guitar (trying to pull out of the harness, shaking, etc). For some reason all of this has left me with bucketloads of anxiety that I'm still trying to come down from. He's in his crate and I'm at the coffee shop taking a break, but I can't understand all the anxiety.
Everything you are saying, I've said to myself, especially in the beginning. I cried daily, and easily and was anxious about EVERYTHING. I kept asking myself what my problem was. I would feel a little confident, then Corona would exhibit fear of the dark for example, and it would send me into a panic. They were all normal little things now that I look back, all part of getting accustomed to their new large world. But I would lay in bed at night trying to find a solution to all of it and worried constantly. Then in conversation with a friend one day, she mentioned for her it was the lost of control over every aspect of her life, that was the worst part. She nailed it. That was my biggest problem. I'm a control freak, and with a puppy, well there is no controlling anything. At least not at first, anyway. So, I started focusing on resting when I could, and doing only the chores that absolutely needed getting done. Everything else was gonna have to wait. And slowly, very slowly, Corona and I found a rhythm and my life became pretty much mine again. It also helped to make a mental list of the things I was grateful for every night, mainly the little milestones that she achieved every day. We went to training, went for lots of small walks, went to pet friendly places, went for lots of car rides, and before you know it, she was old enough to go to daycare once weekly. Sometimes twice depending what I had going. That really was a god send for me, getting that break and getting caught up on work. Sometimes, just using that day to get some sleep. The time felt VERY long while I was going thru this transition in my life, very slow, but then I was always surprised that she was already 3 months, 4 months and now 6 months old. In all honesty, I was always thinking of ways to get myself out of the mess I was in, without of course hurting the puppy. I Thought constantly of rehoming her and those were always followed by easy days and that kept me pushing thru. So you know, Corona was super scared of the car at first too, cried constantly but with lots of treats and not giving her attention when she cried, she quickly changed her tune. Now she runs to the car and puts her paws up to get in with tail wagging. You are being super hard on yourself, try not to analyze yourself so much, it sounds like your puppy is doing great, so that has to mean something! Hang in there!
Perhaps what you need is to find a therapy dog to visit with a couple times a week. One you can walk and take care of but by not owning it would alleviate a lot of your stresses. They are the most amazing of dogs and would really help with your anxiety cause they are very relaxed animals with great calming energy. Just a thought. Maybe you aren't meant to be a dog owner at this point of your life. Hope things get better.
The guy playing the guitar - he would have been scary if Finn had never seen or heard anything like that before. Its not you it something they all will do and if anything you just need to teach the puppy to focus on you and not the scary thing. I just use food and take it slowly giving the scary thing a wide berth (think of it in simple terms if you'd never seen a bus before and one drove down the road - they are loud and big and you didn't know what the heck it was you'd freak out too until you learnt it was nothing to worry about). But agree with Jacqui finding some weekly obedience classes at a club where they have puppy classes is the best way to find others with similar issues with puppies. We get to our classes nice and early so we can just sit and watch and meet other dogs before the classes start. As Jeanine said you are being very hard on yourself. Puppies do have tantrums, do have those days when they wont sit in the car - I'd put him in the car crate with food or a kong and dont react if he cries only take him out when he calms down (young puppies they dont go on for too long they pass out eventually)
I can't remember if anyone has recommended The Happy Puppy Handbook by Pippa Mattinson? If not, do get it, it will become your bible and is so very helpful, answers anything you need to know and is so supportive.
