So, my dad is playing a huge part in confusing Nelly and angering me! He loves Nelly and they get on well but my dad loses his temper quite easily not only with me in general but Nelly too. He hasn't hit her but he looks like he's going to and lunges at her to scare her a bit before she goes to bite or chew at something she's not allowed to. Nelly is my dog, I paid for her and pay for everything for her. He understands that it's up to me what I do with her but at the same time doesn't do what I've said. When she bites I yelp and try and move away and stop play or put her in the other room calmly whilst saying 'no biting'. It works sometimes and doesn't other times but I understand she's a puppy and it's going to take time. I've told him to read 'The Happy Puppy Handbook' so that were on the same page but of course, he won't. Just in case I wasn't clear enough, he will toss her onto her back sometimes and 'show her who's boss' whilst he's shouting and nudging her to the ground when she moves. I shout at him and say to stop and tell him that it won't work, she'll just be scared of you. But he won't listen! Any ideas!?
Hi Olivia - Sorry your having to deal with this, Me personally, I would tell your dad not to communicate with Nelly AT ALL if he wont do it your way. Dont leave him in the vicinity of her alone. There is a difference between confusing her and treating her wrongly and it sounds like he is doing the latter. I can understand it to be hard if your living in the same household But other than that I dont have any advice...
Poor you and Nelly, another case of 'old fashioned' training ideas, very outdated, very confussing and uneccessary. If your Dad won't listen to you, I assume you live with him? then I would just be very firm and say you don't want him to have any part in her training, he can stroke her and that's it, Nelly is your dog you have to take control even with your Dad which I appreciate is difficult. Would he go to a positive only training class with you and listen? He might find it interesting as he sounds like he has watched too much CM I feel for you and Nelly this is a tough situation to find yourself in but think of Nelly and you will be able to sort it out. x
Yes, agree with the above. If your dad can't treat her the way she should be treated, then he has to be kept away from her. You have to advocate for your dog, which means sometimes making unpopular or difficult decisions. She can't talk for herself, and things like scaring her and holding her down on her back are cruel and just asking for behavioural problems down the road. Stand up for her and keep her away from him until he can behave like an adult human being.
Tossing her onto her back isn't good at all! Poor Nelly and you, it sounds more like bullying than pure old fashioned ways. How difficult for you to have to deal with this. They must be kept apart but is that even possible in your home?
Oh dear. My only thought, I shall don a hard hat here, is to train your dad too. So....don't *shout* at him or get angry if he does something wrong with her, try to ignore it and stay calm, remove yourself and her from the behaviour? Then when he does something training wise you like them verbally reward him - compliment him on a great way of doing x, or managing y really well. Got to pitch it right so he doesn't think you are patronising or sarcastic though. You have quite a challenge ahead. Bad enough with husbands wives and partners but parent-child relationships are even tougher. I hope you find a way to stick to your guns.
I would add to the above if you're going to try to train him then, as with all training, set him up for success. That probably means not having the puppy around him when she is being an annoying puppy. Don't let him practice the bad behaviour you don't like. I assume you have a bedroom where he doesn't generally go. In which case, your puppy will be better off spending time with you alone in that room than being out and being treated roughly.
It's so hard. I honestly think of this forum as a little family. I post so much stuff on here mostly for reassurance and recognition. I will continue to protect little Nelly- i love her so much. Yes she's hard work but she know no better. My dad is worse behaved than her!!!!
I spent most of this afternoon in my room with the door shut- thankfully my room is a good size and I have a little area with a donut bed and a basket of toys and actaully she makes less 'mistakes' in my room because everything's higher up and she has little opportunity to chew things up. I work twice a week and on those days mum and dad are with her- I'm just anxious about how she'll be treated when I'm out. Dad is so hard work with her and after seeing what he did to her this morning my head is spinning.
It is tough and I can't get over the fact that he just doesn't get it- I was so calm with him the first time- I just said 'please don't do that, she won't understand' 'do what I do!' 'It's not fair to treat her like that, you're so much bigger than her' and then as you can imagine, rightly or wrongly I lost my temper.
Don't give your dad any treats unless he trains Nelly as you do! It's very hard dealing with conflicting views on training, particularly when it sounds as if your father is being rather cruel at times. As others have said, it would be best to keep Nelly away from him if possible and certainly make it clear that he mustn't intervene. You certainly don't want her to become afraid of him, but that sounds a possibility if he continues to try to punish her. You obviously love Nelly very much, so I hope things settle down and you can avoid conflict.
He's good at being controlling and telling people what to do so what can i expect! When Nelly met our good friends puppy, nelly got a little to over excited and bared her teeth- I was totally calm and scooped her up and took her out for a wee and stayed outside with her for a bit untill she calmed down a bit and then brought her back in. Then she did it again (she was just getting agitated and tired, which I could tell from a mile off) and dad launched in and held her tight and was over the top of her again and keeping her still- Making her surrender. Argh can't stand him. We had guests round so I was embarrassed to shout or say something major so I just said 'okay let her go now she's just tired, stop holding her back it's not helping.' He's uncontrollable.
I jumped in and told my mum not to smack Luna on the nose when she bit her, when we were visiting a few weeks ago. I explained it's because I'm hoping to train her both as a gun dog and for showing, it's very important that she doesn't have any negative associations with people's hands. Would that be a useful line for you? To say you want to train her up for retrieving and so she mustn't be scared of hands, or she'll never deliver anything?
I really feel your pain. The greatest barrier to my puppies success has been other people. I actually told my MIL that if she touched my "bird dog in training" one more time I'd fly her home to another country. And she was there to help with my newborn daughter. Very hard in deed but like already said, you are her advocate and protector. Your puppy is in essence your child. Imagine what you'd do if someone did those things to a toddler or an infant. CM was all about ratings. Very outdated teqniques. My puppy had his ears pulled till he cried...imagine whst would happen if I didn't stop it and my baby pulled his ear one day trying to stand up or something. But mostly I share in your suffering. It's an extremely difficult position to be in. Everyday I copy a link from the Labrador website to my wife's messenger. Some she reads some she doesn't. It's the same info from the puppy handbook. Also you could buy 4 copies or whatever and leave one in the bathrooms. In his car, on the coffee table and by his bed. Surely at some point he will pick one up. Hi light the chapters that are most important to you. I'd start with the study of the dominance theory and why it's flawed. Perhaps a moderator will post a link on here for you. Good luck
Hi, haven't got any advice for you further to what has already been posted, but just to say sorry you have deal with this from your dad. It's frustrating enough when people insist on trying to train your puppy but really horrid to see her threatened etc when you love her so much. I hope you can get results from the advice you already have been given.
Or maybe your boyfriend could put him on his back everytime he annoys you and puppy so he knows what it's like. Just kidding. Lol.
Sorry I don't have any advice to add, just wanted to say hope your situation improves. I did wonder if your puppy could go in doggie day care while you are at work rather than staying with your parents.
