I know we have discussed this previously on this forum, so if anyone can paste some links I would appreciate it? I am really struggling to get visitors to understand how we would like them to treat and respond to Harley - it is like they develop a hearing condition. We model behaviour, we explain - albeit gently because I genuinely don't want to ruin an evening, and we correct their interactions with her. We don't often have people over. Both DH and I are introverts who love our home time. And most of the people that come over are clients of my practice. In the first session I explain that from time to time Harley will be around. But so far Harley has said hello and goodbye and that is it. She stays in another part of the house with a kong, or in the back yard, always with a kong or chewie. I have two clients who ask if they can say hi to her on the way out. As she matures and is ready she will spend more time in the practice with me. But it will never be full time, only with selective people. Some people prefer to say hello to the cats. So that is no problem at all. But friends...that is where we are struggling. Last night we had a couple over with a young baby. Harley was so thrilled. A BABY! The cats hijacked the stroller (it was embarrasing) and Harley sat and dreamily stared at the baby. Luckily baby is adorable and has a dog of his own, so he was so into Harley and baby chattered to her continuosly. However it was passed his bed time and hewould cry occasionally and Harley does not like a crying baby. She fusses and tries to bring him things. It is very adorable. We mostly had her in another room with kongs but the parents asked if she could come in. But then they speak to her in squeaky voices so she gets excited and then physically push her away or down. All the time I am there intervening as soon as I can. They don't have a lab and don't get her wanting to mouth. She is super gentle but we allow it because we feel like it is a attribute of her breed. They think a dog wanting to put your hand in their mouth is biting. Urgh. So I am thinking of making a pamphlet. Seriously. Required reading before you visit us. Because she is OUR child and same as I wouldn't push someone's child away I don't expect Harley to be pushed. If was upsetting or exciting your baby, I would stop. Same as with Harley. On weekends it is slightly different but during the week DH and I work full time at the moment. So when we get home in the evening we spend every moment we can with Harley. So I don't want to put her in another space so that visitors, who have selective deafness, can be in our home. I really just want to be a hermit. With DH, Harley and the cats.
Oh yes, it’s a pain in the pinny. My SIL is so useless with Tatze that I farm Tatze out to my friend’s when they come round. Tatze doesn’t mind at all as she gets to stay with her Best Friend in the Whole Wide World, Zaba. Same problem - squeaky encouraging voice then pushing her away when she responds and saying ‘she’s very excitable isn’t she?’ Well, yes, when you squeak at her like a toy! .
That's so annoying, winding up Harley with a squeaky voice, imagine winding up their baby as they were trying to get him to sleep!
Oh this , groan, groan I could cry with despair when people do this to Cassie, you absolutely have my sympathy. The pamphlet sounds like a good idea, maybe we could co write The other thing people do is ask her to sit, then bend forwards, wave a finger at her and say "noooo" What is that all about? It just makes her do her mega explosive kangaroo jump!
Oh my word! Exactly! And I can see Harley's mind going 'Ooooohhhhh, a finger?! Just for me?!' And calming her is really difficult once she is wound up.
Oh how I feel your pain . Most of our visitors love the dogs, but sadly my own sister does not share my love of animals so that I dread the twice yearly visit . She and her husband will ignore Sam completely , which breaks my heart when he gently goes up to say Hello and gets pushed away , it actually hurts . They have yet to meet Nelly , but I guess she will get the same rebuff , its horrible . Mind you , I have managed to stop them having a meal with us , since I put the supper plates on the floor , let Sam lick them and then declared that they were clean enough to put straight back in the cupboard !
Oh Kate, I think you mentioned this in another post and I laughed myself silly and then I thought of how clever that is and I am going to do that at Christmas with my VERY stuck up and germophobe mother in law. Just because I think it is brilliant and it is the perfect revenge for the years of passive aggresive comments from her I have had to swallow quietly.
OK, don't label me a caveman or a misogynist, but. . . oh boy, here it comes! I have noticed that this "squeeky voice" thing is mostly if not exclusively a trait with women. And I think I know why. Women are used to meeting other ladies babies. Usually the baby is off in la la land, so by squeeking in a high pitch voice they get a reaction from the baby. Men sort of do it too, but we just make all sorts stupid noises. I have a hard time not laughing out loud when I see two women meet. Especially the younger ones. The very first thing that happens is their voices go up about 3 full octaves and some of them insist on singing the last word instead of just speaking it. Cracks me up.
@T Reischl the register of men's voices change too, they just don't sound squeaky, but they also go up. But I agree with you, it is more noticeable in women.
I get this squeaky voice thing with a woman in my village. She has her own dog, walks him up to us, does the squeaky voice thing at Ripple, then complains to me when he jumps all over her because her dog 'never behaves like that' . I now cross the road when I see her as I am so close to telling her what to do with her squeaky voice that I could get an even worse reputation in the village.
I get really annoyed with people coming into the house to do some sort of work. I always ask for people who are ok with dogs but often I am sent people who become nervous or who claim they are allergic. This is my dog's home as much as it is mine and I expect it to be treated as such. I have had work people who are amazing with the dogs and will spend time talking to them as they work but I fail to understand how, when I specifically ask for people who are ok with dogs, I am sent with squealing idiots.
Or the dreaded machinegun cues ... "Siiiit ... Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, ... (5 minutes later!) ... Sit, sit, sit, sit,". Aarrrrggggghhhhh!!!
I now have varying degrees of how I deal with visitors. My FIL is a nightmare, so Hattie & Charlie are put in their beds with the door closed for about 5 mintues after his arrival then they can come out to say hello and I keep them away from him because he's not nice to them even though I have told him several times in no uncertain terms to treat them kindly I tend to put them in their beds on visitors arrival just for them to calm down then the hello is calm and they just lay down after a little while. I don't invite my SIL any more because she could squeal for GB and it sends them to the ceiling and back But it's a pain, no matter how many times you explain to people what you would like them to do, they know best even if they have never owned a dog. I think I am going to go and live in a house on top of a very high hill, no paths to it then nobody will visit, suits me as I'm a bit of a recluse anyway @Harley Quinn How about a big sign on the front door stating what behaviour you want from your visitors towards Harley x
Ah yes all that awful annoying and infuriating at times stuff from visitors - many of whom you'd always assumed were more sensible than that grrrr. I always fall back on my usual response "This is her home - you're the guest, so you have to accept how she is in her own home." Works with most though I have been known to upset a few.
There is NOTHING you can do about it. Except maybe put Harley some place else when such people come over. I know a few times I have been the guilty party out on a walk when a dog we meet jumps up on me and I say hello and pet it. Most people are horrified if their dog jumps on me since my white hair makes me look really old. I guess it's the hair. Anyway I always say sorry and stand up and reassure the dog won't hurt me but I know they are training it. It's hard to resist a friendly new dog.
