My experience with my lab was he just grew out of that super clingy phase on his own, maybe around the 4 or 5 month mark, I want to say. It might seem like it's going on for an eternity but in hindsight it didn't really last that long. And believe me, it was a nightmare at the time, and I did have a nervous breakdown over it. Nowadays he's happy hanging out with us or doing his own thing somewhere else in the house, and I'm pretty sure that's the case with most people's Labs on here, once they've grown out of that young puppy phase. If the only issue really is not being able to leave him, then that is something that will very likely get better with time. I guess you just need to be honest with yourself and make the decision as to whether you truly want this dog, or are just hanging on to him for other reasons (not wanting to look bad for rehoming, feeling like a failure, etc). Tangent but I'd never leave a dog in a crate for 8 hours while I went to work. That's just not much of a life.
Hey Jessie, I have a very clingy 8 month old lab who could be considered of having borderline separation anxiety. She still is very much like you described your pup where if I gate her in a room and try to get things done in a different room she will sit by the gate and bark and whine and no amount of ignoring will get her to stop. If i put her out on the fenced deck she will sit by the back door and bark for however long I leave her out there. If i took a shower she would sit by the door and whine and bark and occasionally scratch at it. She now is content with being in her crate which I cover with blankets for about 4 hours or so as long as I am not in the house so she doesn't hear or smell me. We've gotten to the the point that I can gate her in the living room and accomplish other things throughout the house for around 2 hours or so as long as she doesn't see me. She will also sit quietly outside the bathroom door now and just patiently wait for me to finish showers. I didn't do very much separation training with her it more or less is something that she is just slowly picking up on. I live on my own and have kind of resigned my self to the fact that if I'm in the house I'm going to be having a little shadow 24/7 which I don't mind too much. My advice and I am far from even a competent dog owner would be to try and cover his crate when you leave him if possible. I know it seems small but (koda 8 months old) won't eat anything I put into her crate until I drop the covers then all of the sudden you can hear her licking her kong or crunching her treats. She also seems to bark the most when she can hear or see me so the blanket removed the line of sight and then I would turn the radio/Tv up loud enough in her room that she wouldn't hear background noise around the rest of the house. This would usually buy me an hour or so rest break which can do wonders in the first couple months especially when you're dog is extra clingy. I would also really try to tire her out more so than usual before putting him in his crate so he is more likely to sleep. With Koda I would take her for about a 15-30 minute walk, let her do some retrieves in water, do a little basic training, and then play tug of war or similar games and keep her up for close to 3-4 hours before putting her in her crate which would help her crash. I understand its a really tough decision (my family had to rehome a lab puppy we got last christmas due to unexpected allergies after a few days). At the end of the day you have to do whats best for your family.
Hi there @Jessie17, just to give you a brief bit of support, and to say I was just mentioning to my OH how surprisingly difficult it was at times with our puppies, and reminding him that at one point, when we had had Merlin for about six weeks, OH said he couldn't cope any more with the exhaustion and not sleeping, and that we needed to find another solution for the puppy. OH cannot remember that at all! In fact he completely denies that he ever said or felt any such thing!! He has completely forgotten how exhausted and fed up he was, and of course he now absolutely adores both our dogs, and looks back at their puppydom with rose-tinted spectacles... Reading your post carefully, I think if you can get through these next few weeks, that you will be ok - but if not, then you'll find a good home for your puppy, in the knowledge that you have given him a good start to life. Puppies are completely full on, much more than one would expect. We all understand what you are going through, and I hope coming on here will give you an opportunity to vent and ask any questions you like, as well as feel supported.
Reading and researching about owning a pup, is not quite like the reality and it is a shock to the system! Non of us on this forum would judge you, in fact commend you in realising that it is all too much at the moment. The crying when alone does get better though x
If you could get help with training your dog to stop barking then you may see a light at the end of the tunnel. Puppyhood is gone so quickly and within a few months he will be so different, much easier to deal with. Maisy is with me all day and only goes in a crate if I have a doc appointment etc. but only for a max of 2-3 hours. 8 hours is not the standard to set, this is way too long. Lots of advice here by others on getting pup used to being on his own, please try this, preferably when you and him are on your own so there is less distraction. If you could get him to spend a morning or afternoon at doggy day care so you could have some free time I think this would help all of you. Can you get friends round to dog sit while you go out for a meal or shopping so you feel a little like your old selves? Normality will resume as pup grows into a dog, with a few changes to your lifestyle of course, but it is hard to foresee when all the barking and mess and chewing is going on. I feel guilty every time I can't take Maisy to her favourite place to run off lead, or if I don't think she has eaten properly or had enough exercise, it's because I love her and want the best for her, it is totally understandable that you would feel the same. Apart from the barking it seems your pup (you don't name him here) is perfectly normal and fitting in nicely with your life. I hope you can resolve this and that you can all enjoy Christmas together as a family without the stress that you all seem to be in. You sound very sensible and I am sure you would make a good dog parent.
Just to add my support - you've had great advice here already, and you are absolutely not alone. I just wanted to add that this question from your well-meaning friends ("why did you get a dog?") is a really pointless one! I don't think ANY of us know what we were doing when we got our first dogs. It is all different from expectations. Please don't feel you need to have a good answer to that question. Your friends mean well but if they are asking that question they don't really understand. Good luck - please stay in touch and let us know how it goes. Whatever your decision, we'll support you - you obviously care about doing the right thing and that is the mark of a great dog-owner.
Hello @Jessie17 - I have just read your post but apologies for not having read people’s replies. We got a puppy in February and by the time she was 13 weeks old, I was absolutely wiped out with exhaustion. This was when I discovered this forum and all my woes have been well documented on here. My puppy is now 12 months and DH and I have just reflected on the year. He described me like ‘beelzebub’ in my behaviour earlier in the year. He and all our friends were very worried about me. I thought I had gone into getting a second dog with my eyes wide open but it was all way way more difficult than I thought. I was an exhausted nervous wreck. Every day, I thought I can’t do this. Fortunately for me, DH was very very supportive of me and kept saying everything would improve. If this hadn’t been so, I know I couldn’t have kept her. Well he was right and by the time she was 4 months old, everything just got better. I felt I had lost my freedom for ever and we did have a phase of whining whenever I tried to leave her. I did the click and treat for tiny amounts of time and building up and all of a sudden she stopped. I still experience a lot of anxiety particularly if we go out but I am getting better with this. I am pleased you are not making a rushed decision because when you do, you know it will be the right one.
Hi. You've had some really good advice here, but only you and your family can make the decision as to the next steps. Yes it is hard work, yes I does usually get better, but a pup needs 100% commitment and if you feel you can't give this at the minute you would be doing the right thing in looking for another home for him. I hope everyone's comments and suggestions have helped.
@Jessie17, I know exactly how you feel. When I brought home my Aspen, I thought I was so ready. I had the toys, the treats, the training manual, the crate..everything! But nothing could prepare me for the realization that my life was completely changed with this little puppy who seemed so helpless. I did't want my puppy anymore. Looking at him gave me anxiety. I wanted to lay in bed. I couldn't function. It sounds horrible, but I told my boyfriend that I wouldn't care if Aspen got hurt. I was honestly like a new mother with postpartum. Luckily, I had people who were willing to take him out for play, and my boyfriend told me that I couldn't turn back - he was my responsibility now. It was like being handed a baby, it's not something you can back away from. But I kept thinking about re-homing him, even returning him to the breeder. I wanted to do anything I could to get rid of this little animal that followed me around everywhere, cried, barked, bit, and seemed to need every ounce of attention and energy that I had. But, as many others have said, it gets better, and it does get better. I won't and can't shame you for feeling the way you feel, because I was there once too. But you obviously care for this puppy, which is great, and I can tell by how much thought you have put into this. I can tell you that now, 6 months later, Aspen is the light of my life. He still is a handful, but it has gotten SO much easier the more he has grown. Having a dog is never easy, especially a puppy. But I really believe it is worth it to try and push through. If you can't, that is okay. There is no shame in that, because your mental health comes first. I wish you the best. You have a wonderful support system here too!
My wife likened having a new Lab puppy to childbirth. No matter how much you prepare nothing gets you ready for the real thing but once you get through the tough bit it’s all worth it. Hopefully you can hang in there a few more weeks. They grow so fast.
I'm very sorry you're feeling like this. I too have been there. Post Puppy Blues? Yes, I was ready to throw in the towel more then once. When I see other owners with their adult labs, I knew that's what I wanted. I held on, BUT... Sometimes owning a dog was not the best choice for certain families. There's no shame in making sure that your little one gets a good home. (even if it not with your family) Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying give up, at least not yet. My Sora took until 3-1/2 months to give a damn about Kongs. Now those frozen pieces of heaven are a life saver. Yep, that's the PPD (Post Puppy Depression). Your life and freedoms have radically changed. It's like having a human baby. The care time and devotion are huge changes to your previous life. For me personally again, I looked to the owners of the adult dogs I've met. PUPPY does not a DOG make. A well trained adult Labrador is really a wonderful experience for most, but, you have to get there! Right now it's very hard for you to see the mountain past all those clouds. There is a mountain though. I promise it's there! I've had a bit of controversy with this one recently. Puppies test the water sort of speak. If he's crying for attention for 1.5 hours and you break down, then the new 'bar' for the puppy is a minimum of 1.5 hours. That's because he knows that's what it takes to get what he wants. Barking is LOUD, and easy for a puppy since it's their normal voice. If his needs are met (Poop, Food, Exercise) Then let it be. (PLEASE NOTE: As I have learned from previous posts that ignoring crying (fear or desperation -Not attention whines-) can increase a puppies abandonment issues. If it truly is that, there is professional help available in most areas. Two is not better then one always. I don't recommend getting a second puppy in your circumstances. For me (At least with Cats, this didn't work) Twice the food, work and care, but after years they 'Tolerate' each other. My personal belief is 8 hours in a crate is a prison sentence. That really is a big burden on a puppy that young. Is there any way to cut this time down? A friendly neighbor who could maybe help while you two are out for the day? That's a big issue. Owing a dog in a household. Well that's just it. Everyone has to be onbord. I said earlier there's no shame in re-homing if you must. You and your family should not have to live miserably just to keep the puppy out of some sense or moral obligation. This is a tough choice, only you and you family can make. (but like drunk texting, sometimes a bit of time is a good idea before deciding) Things often look better after a good nights sleep. *If you can get it* If they're understanding, then that's not an issue. They understand! If your human baby cried, would they want you to remove him/her? Sounds like you have good neighbors which I said above might be able to help? A puppy is HARD. Super, crazy, insane, OMG, What the hell have I done, NUTS . You Never see this on television shows with puppies. Always so easy!!! So much work. Up front at least. Your life will change. I again am so sorry you feel this way with your family. There is no shame on admitting defeat, but I can only advise that you give it more time if you and your family can. It DOES get better. I have seen it in my Sora (who in puppy class was the worst, and most insane out of 8 puppies) We're talking 'BatShit' crazy that even the instructors failed with him. He's 900% better now, and that's at only 5 months. There will undoubtedly be more ups and downs, but for me? I look to the adult Lab owners I meet. To them I see the future. Please take good care of yourself and family. You're on a very icy and tough road. What you decide to do is your choice to make. You're NOT A FAILURE. Not even close. You can PM me if your struggling. I'm here, as is this whole awesome community. We're all here to help you, in whatever decision you make!
I can’t thank you enough for your reply, and all the others too. Your reply struck a chord in me on something I hadn’t been able to put my finger on. When you say you look to owners of adult labs and know that’s what you’re aiming for - that’s what keeps a person going through the tough phase.... that’s an issue for me I know a few adult dog owners and when I look at them now, even though I admire the dog, there’s not a sense in me of ‘thats what I want, that’s what will make it worthwhile’. My husband, at the moment feels the same way. Fast forwarding life to a time where the dog is mature still doesn’t feel right and I have no explanation for why that is. Because our pup is so bright I have no doubts at all he will be an amazing pet, but I just can’t seem to see us in that picture Yesterday was a good day. Pup woke st 7:30, no poo to clean up, husband took him to the beach in the morning, he didn’t bark when he woke up after nap when hubby left the house, all great signs of some progress... yet I still don’t feel that connection I see other puppy owners have. I look at hundreds of posts in lab groups on Facebook for example and how much people adore their pet ‘she’s my world’, ‘he’s part of our family’ and I just don’t feel that way even though our puppy is absolutely amazing. We are agreed to wait 2 weeks at least before any final decision is made. If after, by then, 2 months if there’s still not that emotional connection to him, then is that enough time to know? People seem so in love with their pups I just don’t feel like that even though I’m an emotional person! If my kids misbehave or really wind me up it’s annoying and frustrating but I adore them and it overrides those emotions. For the Puppy, I feel like we’re just his carers. I feel like a foster parent who admires and cares for him and trains him but there’s not that deep connection at all and I just don’t know if that’s something that will come???? I can’t even say he’s overly annoying because he seems relatively very well behaved. The barking when alone issue is starting to seem like something we CAN see improving with training and time, yet that sense of ‘we are just not dog people’ remains Someone earlier said that I have to be very honest and you also say about not keeping him out of obligation and I’m wondering if that’s exactly what we’re doing. We are sensible, pragmatic, caring people who genuinely believed this was a good decision for our family and are devastated that our emotions just haven’t clicked in the way we thought they would. Is two months long enough to know there’s a connection missing do you think?? I’m conscious that a younger pup will be easier to rehome but at the same time absolutely cannot rush our decision.
I applaud your honesty , it cant be easy for you . All I can say is that whilst you are right in not wanting to rush into a decision , also be minded that whilst the bond with him might not materialise , his bond to you will grow stronger because you and your family are all he has known . I really do wish you well, whatever the outcome x
I also have to say - I actually didn't like Poppy (my older dog) as a puppy for some time. We didn't bond properly, and I was upset because the old dog we had at the time was miserable. I think the change came at around 16 weeks or so - at any rate between 4 and 5 months. I couldn't understand why I didn't love her immediately, especially as she was actually, all things considered, an easy puppy... For me, the bond with her really grew once we started gundog training together. We now have an intense, loving relationship and my life would be immeasurably poorer without either of my dogs.
Can also relate to the " not instant love " posts . I loved my Labrador Sam as soon as I got him , and this love just grew so that now, without him, it is actually painful . Almost nine months ago, we adopted Nelly , a little cross breed who desperately needed removing from the home she was in . This was not an instant love , she fitted right in , she adored Sam and he loved her back , she was no trouble at all despite being deaf , but it wasn't a deep love at all . However, now its a different story , I love her to the moon and back , so love can and does grow, even in unlikely circumstances x
I hated my first German Pointer puppy for the first ten months!!!!!! She turned out to be the most fantastic dog, wish I had had her now when I know more about dog training. I loved her dearly after the first ten months. However, even though I disliked her to begin with it was never, ever in my thoughts to re-home her. I do feel that you have looked into your hearts and dog owning is just not for you, well at this time of your lives and it would be better for you and your puppy to re-home x
I can also confess to struggling to bond with Ripple. He was such a difficult puppy and I was still mourning my kind, gentle lab who had died suddenly. It had been OH idea to get another dog but then he promptly went away for work and I was left to cope. This forum was (and is) a god send for me and has helped me come to terms with lots of the problems I have encountered with Ripple. I have come to love him for what he is, idiosyncrasies and all .
I didn't instantly love Stanley either. I cared for him and felt a sense of duty towards him but that was it. Then OH went away for the weekend and I was left with this little crocodile on my own and I dreaded it for the weeks leading up to it. But we had the best weekend and that was when I fell head over heels for him. Now I always think I couldn't love him more, but then he does something and I love him more
