We lost our first much adored Lab and I swore I would never have another. We had perfection with Cooper and I couldn’t see another dog living up to him, and I certainly didn’t think I could love another in the same way. But, about 10 months after we lost him I found myself looking at Labrador Breeders-I’d look then put it out of my mind. And every couple of days I’d be back looking again and again. After much looking and soul searching we found ourselves on the waiting list for a Chocolate boy. I was so excited and couldn’t wait-then he arrived-and all hell broke loose. While he was cute he was also loud and needy and it seemed I had given over my life to this small canine. I certainly wanted to send him back-actually several times. I was in tears every day. My husband was the one who knew I was still grieving for Cooper and comparing Bailey to him. When I admitted that to myself things got better and better. I now love this gorgeous animal and simply could not live without him. It is a fierce love and just as deep as my love for Cooper. I don’t compare him anymore-Bailey is a different dog and occupies a place in my heart right next to Cooper. You sound so torn and I wish only the best for you. I know you’ll make the best decision for your family and your pup. There is no shame in finding that although you thought you were ready- you are not. Best wishes over the next couple of weeks
If you decide that rehoming is the only option for you and your family then I think you are wise and caring that you do not do so over the holidays. So many pups become Christmas presents and then are rehomed again in the new year. So, well done to you for being able to wait until that time passes and if, during this waiting period, it all clicks into place and you decide he is the right fit for your family you will have a best friend for life. Good luck and good wishes whichever way it goes for you.
Thank you for your reply. Thank you for posting - this resonates with me. When I’m training him is one of the few times I feel even vaguely connected to him. I would love him to be a working dog in some capacity but I don’t know in what way. He’s so incredibly bright. At 11/12 weeks he was already fetching, Sitting, waiting for release to eat his food or a treat off his paws etc. I feel proud of him, just not emotionally connected. I’m finding it hard to imagine him grown up.... is that normal?!
I think it is quite normal , to try and imagine our pups looking all grown up, and fail ! Training can and does help to create a wonderful bond , it might now happen overnight but the fact that you are proud of him is very encouraging . I adored working with Sam , I say working but it was more just gundog training exercises with him , but he saw it as work and took it very seriously ! I felt a massive pride , and it brought us so close together over the years , I lost him aged six , just a few weeks ago , and miss him so much that it hurts , but I do hold wonderful memories of our time together , him retrieving and enjoying every second x
Just wanted to pip up here. First of all, this isn't meant to say whether you should keep or re-home - you need to do what is best for both you and your puppy. Sometimes re-homing is the best option for everyone. But on this subject of training, I totally concur that this is what makes the bond if you're having a hard time of it otherwise. I've had several dogs as an adult and many more foster dogs. But my two 'main guys' were my two Rottie boys. The first one, whom I got from a breeder, was love at first sight. That dog fit me like a glove. I didn't have to work for the connection, it was just there from day one. Along comes Rottie boy number two, a rescue. He was actually easier as a small puppy than my first dog, and while I thought he was handsome and smart and a 'good dog', I just wasn't in love. I'd thought I made the wrong choice and when he developed some 'interesting' behaviour quirks as an adolescent, I REALLY thought I'd picked the wrong dog. I can very clearly remember thinking, "What on earth am I going to do with this poor dog for the next 12 years?" But I'd gotten him to be a service dog, so we just pig-headedly kept on with his training. A lot times I seriously wanted to toss him over someone else's fence, but bit by bit it got better. And then all of the sudden, when we were nearing the home run on his SD training, I remember looking down at him and realising that we'd been working as a team for a while. He had a way of looking up at me while working that clearly said, "Yeah, we're the bomb together and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world". And 12 years wasn't sounding like a prison sentence, it was instead sounding way WAY too short. He wasn't perfect, I wasn't perfect...he did NOT fit me like a glove like my first dog and there were a few points he and knocked heads about his whole life. But I think we actually had a stronger bond than I had with my first dog (or at least very different) because we worked for it. When he passed away, it wasn't just having my heart broken like my first dog, but rather like I'd had my right arm lopped off as well, because he was my working partner as well as my best buddy. All of that to say that in my opinion, training is definitely what's going to get you feeling more of a connection. But also a caveat to set your expectations - it doesn't happen overnight, so if you do decide to keep your pup, set your expectations of him and yourself in a way to be kind to both of you. It's such a tough decision and I hope you can find a solution that you'll be happy with.
Hello from me and Joy, little black lab who turned 8 months yesterday. When we got her in June, I was still definitely grieving for Solstice, who we lost at the end of February. When we got Solstice I was still grieving for Barley, our yellow lab. Even though I remembered how I felt when we got Solstice (she's not Barley, how can I love her as much?) I worried and felt guilty that I wouldn't love Joy as much as Solstice. Joy is the sixth dog I've had the privilege to own. You'd think I'd have worked it out by now wouldn't you?! However, at somewhere around 5-6 months old a corner was turned, we started to get to know and love each other, the bond started to be formed and here I go again! What I'm trying to say is that I don't think you should worry too much about not feeling the emotional connection yet. In my experience it takes time. I also agree that training helps to create that bond. Best of luck with whatever decision you make.
My mom re-homed her Havenese pup at 8 months. He was taking a physical toll on her 80 year old body and all of her furniture. I was mad, I would have taken him if she could have have waited one month but she didn’t. I was mad at her for a spell. I’m not a fan of re-homing. I think people shouldn’t get pets to begin with if they aren’t situated or in it for the long haul. I’ve seen far too many animals given up or euthanized out of inconvenience to the “poor”owners. It angers me and I waited 46 years to get a dog, because that’s when I finally could own one responsibility and selflesslly...... having said that, my mom giving up her dog was best for both. She thought she had researched And got a breed that would lie on her lap and not require loads of exercise. I still think if she waited a few more months it would be fine but in her circumstance it was best to find little Teddy a new home. Having said all that, and I don’t want to sound mean but after reading all you’ve said I think you your puppy deserves a new home. You sound like you are trying to justify giving him away without sounding like a bad person. You will eventually bond, some mothers take longer than you’ve had your pup to bond with their own child but it sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind. The puppy sound sounds perfectly manageable and normal, he just doesn’t fit into your ideals and as already stated your honesty is admirable but it’s time. Doesn’t sound like two weeks is gonna change anything. I just hope if you give this one up you don’t go and try again next year.
Bonding can take time - and now probably isn't the best time of year for that when there are so many other demands on your time. The fact that you feel proud of him and are willing to take the time training him shows that you really do have some feelings for him, together with wanting to re-home him responsibly after Christmas and not wanting a quick get-out, which you could so easily have chosen. Don't dwell on it too much now (and the comments friends have made). I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and your family when the time comes. I think it may have been @Atemas who commented when things were difficult that the thought of packing up all her puppy's belongings and handing those and the puppy to somebody else was heart-breaking, so you may decide that's a step too far for you too, but if not, it's the right way to go. Do let us know how things are going. Good luck.
Two weeks at this age can make a huge difference. Its an emotional rollercoaster. Just like everyone else has said, you need to work it out in your head what is important for you and your family. No-one will hold it against you if you decide its the wrong decision. x
I agree @drjs@5 , totally . I also think that the OP should dismiss the last sentence of that particular post as being unnecessary .
It might seem unfair to some and maybe not to others. We are all passionate about these animals and my experiences make me who I am and how I feel. Two weeks to a human is not a long time and weeks to a puppy is, I understand that but her issue seems to run deeper than changing the behaviour of a dog who barks and it sounds like her family is also regretting the decision to get a dog and wants it gone. I’m sorry, it’s my opinion at this time and I mean no harm. I only hope this position albeit less than diplomatic doesn’t tarnish me and keep me from getting help with my puppy here on the forum in the future.
Of course it wont . We just don't like to judge people on here, even if we don't agree with them . We are all entitled to our views and encouraged to verbalise them , as long as its done with kindness .
This Sometimes people get a puppy and it just isn't for them. There is no shame in rehoming a puppy thoughtfully and responsibly. Your puppy won't suffer if you choose this path. But, BUT, it does sound as though you might not be at that point yet. It sounds as though you are exhausted by the massive change in your lifestyle and not being able to leave your puppy and get a break. But are not certain about how you really feel I think your decision to wait a couple of weeks is a wise one. Please do work on the click for quiet technique. It will help if you persist. Even if you rehome your dog in a few weeks, it will benefit the next owner. Whatever you decide, we understand what you are going through. Puppyhood can be tough! Good luck
How do you feel about other dogs that your friends own or that you meet out walking? If you don't connect with other dogs, do you think you will with your own? I am not sure if either you or you husband have ever owned dogs before, but if your did, how you felt about your own dog would be a good indicator. If this is just "Puppies are a lot of work, but I really want to live with a dog" then you should probably try to work through this. While most of us would agree that puppies are a trial, we also think they a lot of fun, even in the PIA stage. (I might have felt differently if any our our dogs barked all the time, but we did not have to deal with that.) Cooper barks incessantly when she plays "bitey face with Tilly, and it can be aggravating, since she mostly does it when we are sitting down in the evening watching TV, but we think it is a small price to pay for the fun of living with a couple of dogs.
You couldn't ask for a worst gift. Pets are not gifts, they're huge life changing living things. So very sad... For one very brief moment I was so fed up and tired and pissed off I was *thinking* about my hunting rifles in the basement... Seriously. I was... I feel like crap about this. Always will. I never would have of course, but I was literally at my wit's end. Either Me or Him. One of us had to go. Even human parents don't always have an instant bond. There's no shame. It took me a while too. The funny thing is, I bought my Sora, out of anger and sadness when one of my cats ran away. Talk about a bad reason eh? God knows I love him now. I can't tell you what is right for you and your family. Like mentioned above though, sadly. The more time he's with you guys the more he's falling in love with all of you. Do whats best for your family, and then do whats best for your little one. In the end, you're Humans, and he's the Dog. Your human family must come first. But if you do decide to let him go, please make sure he goes to a loving and caring forever home. I wish you all the best, and please, at lease let us know your decision, whatever you decide.
As we all know, dealing with a new puppy can be immensely challenging, and can take us to places we didn’t ever think we’d could get to. If anyone is having thoughts about harming themselves or others then please know that help is available. Please talk to a friend, talk to your doctor/GP or call Lifeline in the US or Australia or the Samaritans in the UK.
I actually appreciate your comments and have read them over many times. The truth is, like your anger at your Mum’s decision, I don’t think anyone who hasn’t found themselves thinking seriously about rehoming could ever understand. Before this experience, I certainly wouldn’t have understood. It’s not the puppy, it’s not the commitment, it’s that it’s too much for me. With my husband and kids’ help (which I had counted on) I think we can work together and share the load and hopefully enjoy it more, but I never anticipated my kids or husband feeling the same sense of regret. So we’re desperately trying to make the right decision because both are extremely difficult for us. The reason we’re taking our time to make a decision is because we are not bad people. We wouldn’t dream of rehoming over the Christmas period for very obvious reasons. We also need to know that it’s not shock/lack of sleep talking, but is actually just a bad choice we made for our lives which we then have to face honestly. Particularly, I am grateful to you for calling me out and saying that I sound like I’m trying to justify rehoming the puppy without coming across as a bad person. You’re absolutely spot on, in fact. I think about this constantly. I hate the thought that I have made such a major decision (getting a puppy) and didn’t know the toll it would take on my health. As someone earlier said, as a first time dog owner, you don’t truly know what it will be like until you do it. I never dreamed I would feel this way and I’m in tears every single day because I’m torn. Should I have got our family a puppy? Probably not. But we are where we are and if I didn’t care for his lovely pup I wouldn’t be agonising over it and beating myself up constantly for not knowing I couldn’t cope.
I haven’t posted on this thread yet because I didn’t know what to say. As a puppy-holic I find it very hard to relate to your experience. But, reading your posts, I suggest that it’s not about the puppy at all really. You sound like you may have something like depression and you may benefit from a trip to the doctor. As to the puppy - he’ll be fine whatever you decide. So long as you give him all he needs while he’s with you and find an excellent home for him. I’m a Guide Dog puppy walker and have known many pups move home for all sorts of reasons. I got Gypsy at 12 weeks because her puppy walker realised she’d make a big mistake and the job wasn’t for her, she couldn’t bear the biting and barking. I got Keir at 12 weeks because his puppy walker became very ill. Others have moved on earlier and later in their first year. My friend’s pup, Picasso, had to move on at 7 months because she got cancer (all is well now). Of course, they all move on at 12 to 14 months to begin their new careers. My lovely Mollie is 13 months old and doing well at Big School now. In every single one of these examples the pups have been 100% fine and moved on tails with wagging and heads high. The important thing is consistency of care, not consistency of owner imo. But - for your own health - I think you need to make a definite decision one way or another. All the best to you all xx .
