Well, I feel embarrassed and ashamed to admit it but I am very much in the midst of the puppy blues I think the only thing keeping me going is reading through this forum and all the many threads like this one that show everyone else has had the same issues and the constant reminders that it does get better. The thing that gets me most though is that my pup is actually really really good compared to some of the things I've read on here, which makes me feel even worse about my blues. He's 11 wks tomorrow and been with me for 2 and a half wks now. Apart from the odd night, he sleeps the whole way through (or is at least quiet the whole way through) and his bladder capacity is about what you'd expect at that age so as long as I am reliably getting him out around every 2 hrs in the day then we have no accidents. Training is going so well, I'm blown away every day by how intelligent and receptive he is. It didn't take long at all to get all the main commands down and we're constantly expanding on this too. Outside he tries to pick up every stone/leaf/bit of moss/litter he sees just like any other lab puppy, the only way I've found to stop this is to constantly keep his attention on me with treats and if he does get something a quick 'swap' usually does the trick. As for biting, he's not so bad in this dept either, although I think thats more down to me and how I interact with him because he does try, however I've gotten reasonably good at spotting when hes going to go for it and removing myself from the area before he does... I guess the thing I'm finding most frustrating is the constant attention he requires (although I'm getting just about enough sleep, I just feel physically and mentally drained all day tending to him/playing with him). I barely get any peace to focus on me as if I leave the room for more than 5 mins, he howls and howls (I've never once acknowledged him when he cries). As a result, I barely get any time to even do something simple like brush my teeth or cook a meal, we've been working on 'click for quiet' but progress has been painfully slow. I made a thread about it already but even when he sleeps during the day I don't get a rest as any tiny movement I make just wakes him right back up again. I just hope it gets better like everyone says because I hate myself for the constant crying and thoughts of rehoming him, I just wish he was capable of entertaining himself every now and again
I can certainly understand how you feel and don't feel so bad now myself as there are times I wish he would play with himself or at least chew on a toy so I can just sit down and relax for five minutes with out doing anything. I love mine to death and wouldn't trade him for anything, but I at times feel the same way. I have been working on training and at times Scout seems to do great and at times its like I'm speaking Greek. I sometimes feel like I don't have time to give to anyone else let alone my puppy nor myself and just want some peace an quiet. So take comfort in that you are not alone....I am just glad someone was able to admit it as I didn't want to admit this out loud to anyone.
@CPTCrash its been really helpful for me to know that so many others have felt this way with their lab pups. I thought I was a heartless monster before I found this forum but I'm slowly realising that all this is completely normal and almost to be expected. The anonymity a forum brings has encouraged me to express how I really feel, none of my family or friends know how I'm actually coping just now truth be told. They ask how we're getting on and my usual response is something like "He's a handful" and I leave it at that. They would never understand! All they see is the cute puppy
Yes it’s not easy is it? I was in the same place as you and @shawnlinus are now this time last year. Just reading your posts sends back all those emotions and reminds me of what a dark place I went to - never want to experience that again. What shocked me was the fact a small puppy could reduce me to an emotional mess after a long career of managing many people and difficult situations didn’t. It’s a horrible feeling but it’s tiredness, being ‘on duty’ all the time and having to virtually sign your life over to the puppy for a few months. It’s physical and emotional. All this will pass though. This forum was a godsend for me last year - it’s ok to say how you feel.
Hi @Atemas , although this entire forum has been so reassuring for me, I just wanted to say a huge thanks to you especially. I have been reading through your thread on your struggles with great interest (although its taking a while given my breaks are so few and far between!) and it was so helpful to read about someone else going through what I am now and seeing the gradual progression as the weeks went on.
I am really pleased @shawnlinus that my thread has been helpful. It does go on forever and it felt like forever. As I type this my big puppy Red lies at, or rather, on my feet . She does this a lot these days. I just say ‘Are you going to sit with me?’ and she comes and settles - could not ever see that happening a year ago. You will get there and you will reclaim your life .
I've just read the reply from @selina27 to you on another thread and have to say it is almost word for word my experience of my now 19 month old. I've just had to wave goodbye to my girl for a week as I'm on a course next week and so my folks are looking after her. I've had a pit in my stomach all weekend thinking about saying goodbye, I couldn't stop kissing her when she was sat in the back of the car and giving me her big brown eyed doleful look. I will miss her so much and am so relieved that when I go on holiday later in the summer she'll be coming too. I never thought I would fee like this, the early weeks were beyond hard. I also called Labrador rescue 99% sure I would give her up. When I think about that now I can't imagine being without her and it takes my breath away. For me the 4 month mark was when things started to shift in the right direction, I started realising "oh, she hasn't done x, y or z for a while." One thing I would say is don't keep beating up on yourself about your feelings, they're very normal and it's no judgement on your character that you're overwhelmed and emotional at times. Hang on in there if you can.
@Atemas @Plum's mum Thank you both for your kind words, it means a lot, truly! I hope the day when I can't bear to be apart from him comes soon, in the meantime I'll just keep perservering! We've actually had a pretty good day today so far, we went out on his first walks and he (mostly) behaved himself, a little wary of traffic going by and some leash pulling and picking up crisp packets but overall he was walking calmly alongside me. We even met another dog and he was very calm with it, which I was very pleased with. Although after me complimenting him on his biting this morning he seems to have decided that hes a biter now!
Well another week has passed and although things have definitely improved, I would say I'm still struggling with the puppy blues. My pup is now 12 wks old and I think now we have a pretty good understanding that 10pm-6am is bedtime, I've been slowly extending this to 9pm -7am and he seems to be ok with this arrangement so from a sleep perspective, everything is good. He is still having the occasional accident but for the most part he'll wait until we're outside, I still haven't really gotten a good grasp of his 'I need to pee' signs, infact I really don't think he gives any, he could be sitting watching me one second, then the next he's repositioned to a squat and its too late. Being able to take him out a walk has definitely helped curb his energy levels, however neither of us are particularly enjoying walks admittedly. All he is interested in doing is trying to eat everything and anything he can get his mouth on so the majority of the walk is spent with me getting annoyed constantly stopping him and him getting annoyed that I'm stopping him. On the plus side, we've found a reasonably tidy park area so once we get there he'll walk and explore a lot better. At home, biting has gotten a lot worse, he constantly craves my attention and whenever I play with him it'll last at most 5 minutes before play descends into him just trying to bite me. At this point I'll walk away or put him into his crate for 10 mins but the process just repeats again straight after. This is pretty much how the entire day is spent (in between training sessions). I'm still really struggling with just having free time to myself and I think this is the major cause of my blues. I'm just finding it so physically and mentally draining having to keep an eye on him every waking moment, either because he's trying to chew something he shouldn't or because he is constantly after my attention. I think my major worry is that it will always be like this... I just want him to be able to occupy himself every now and again. I do have a pen that I put him in when I have other things to do, however even then he's either crying or just sits and watches the door for my return, which makes me feel so guilty! I do still have the lingering thoughts that I've made a horrible mistake and whether I'd be better rehoming him (although they're getting less and less), I just worry that he'll always require this level of attention and that I simply won't have the capacity to give him what he needs. Can I ever expect things to get easier? I keep reading that labs never really calm down or that its at least 3 years before theres any difference and even then its tiny, and the thought of him being like this for at least 3 years is really getting me down. Anyway I'm sorry for rambling on... If no one here minds, I might just have a weekly vent in this thread as writing everything down and getting it out in the open does actually help me and who knows, maybe someone else may find it interesting!
Mine isn't much older then yours (16 weeks) and he is about the same. Biting has gone down a lot but every so often hell just put his mouth around my arm/wrist and kind of lick it...not really biting down so I don't know what that means. We have gotten him "trained" that when we say TIMEOUT he backs off as he know when he does something and we put him in his cage we say timeout so he knows that has helped curb some of the behavior as all we have to do Is say timeout and he stops. As for going outside, we put bells on the door and every time we took him to the door when he was younger we'd say outside and slapped at the bell so he has gotten to where he will go up and hit the bells to tell us he has to go outside (now many of those times he just want to go out and not really potty)! Don't worry about the guilt...I still feel it sometimes but like you it isn't near as bad as it was and I am hoping it will go away when he finally levels out...I pray it does anyway!
I found that my pups needed a lot of sleep during the day, would have mad activity then fall asleep and in those asleep times I got on with my life. Maybe you give him too much attention which is exhausting for you, put him in his pen and leave him with a filled kong and with luck he will be so busy eating it he won't yell. It takes time to teach pups to be alone and it is important that you do. Have you read The Perfect Puppy Handbook by Pippa Mattinson, it will be your bible, answers anything you need to know and will be very helpful.
I agree with every word here. It’s a very short few months that pups need all your attention while they are awake. Knowing when it’s time for a snooze and a break is important too. But every bit of that attention, training and play adds up to a lovely, well trained, loyal and loving companion by the time they are twelve months old. They really are wonderful dogs and deserve all the effort we put in. .
Just caught up,with your post @shawnlinus. It will definitely not be always like it is currently. Honest. - but I understand your worry. I felt like this a year ago as you know. In fact I look back at last year and a lot of it was truly awful. Most of it was because of the reaction from our older dog to the puppy but also I felt I had lost my freedom. In fact I did for quite a few months - all my relationships suffered in some ways but also strengthened in others. It was hard work and I couldn’t see it changing. Yes I struggled with this big time. After a working life of many many years and raising a family and a few years of very pleasant retirement, I suddenly lost it all last year. I really felt low mentally and physically it was all a challenge. All my interests went on the back burner but they have all been restored. I look at my puppy and think all that hard work was worth it. We still have a way to go but I am so happy I was able to give her so much when she was small. I feel bad that I resented it so much. If only we could look in a crystal ball and see how things will be, then we might not get so depressed and despondent. A year on, life is not only nearly back to how it was (I don’t expect that with a young dog) but it is vastly enhanced. DH and I adore our puppy Red. She is so affectionate and funny. That’s the beauty of this forum - people are so kind and helpful. Don’t apologise for ‘rambling on’ as you say, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ and we all need help and support at times .
No-one will mind at all, but if I could make a suggestion? If you're going to keep posting (which would be lovely), how about moving it all to a thread of its own? This would mean that it will become a thread we can direct people to (like @Atemas' thread on the puppy blues) and also makes it something you can look back on in a while and see how far you have come. Let me know if you'd like me to do this and I'll move it over to its own thread.
Thanks all yet again for the kind words! It's funny, only two days later and I'm feeling a lot more positive about things than when I wrote that essay on Sunday! It's quite frightening the dark places your mind can go sometimes. @snowbunny that would be great if its not too much trouble?
Wand and cape job was it ? @shawnlinus , ramble away about the dark places, helps to shed light on the problems
Yes it’s scary isn’t it? I was shocked at how I could be positive one minute and totally depressed the next. Glad you feel better than you did Sunday .
