Decision weekend.... keep Barney or let him go....

Dear all.

It's been a real up and down week. Despite all the reading and youtubing I did as a family we have really struggled. Barney is brilliant and not at all bad, its 100% us. The day time stuff seems to be a bit more under control. The nights are really bad and it's come to a crunch today.

Last night Barney was fast asleep in his crate, the second I went upstairs to bed he started howling. On previous nights we have slept beside him on a makeshift bed in the kitchen. All was fine. However last night my wife insisted that he should just settle himself. 15 minutes later he was beside himself and we had our daughter crying in our bedroom. In the end, my wife went down. He was quite for an hour then off barking again. This went on until 3:30am when she let him come and sleep on the sofa with her.

I woke up this morning with both my wife and daughter shouting at him for eating a puppy pad. My wife has also got some advice from the breeder who said go and get a water sprayer and squirt him in the face every time he wakes up or does something wrong. This just sounds like a bad idea to me but got scowled at when I said so. We are obviously split on how to discipline him. Up to know I have been the one doing all the research and trying to communicate with the rest of the family what to do (To be honest I have no idea really) It just seems an entirely different philosophy of bringing up a puppy than either Pippa or most of the other trainers I have been reading about, and one that I am not happy with.

We will have to make the decision this weekend if we can sort this out or for Barneys sake go to someone who understands what he needs.

 

Hello there

It's not unusual for new puppy owners to post saying that they are thinking of giving up a new puppy - it happens so often as to be normal. I've certainly had moments with my new puppy (when she is harassing my much loved older dog) thinking I should never have got her. This is all part of the adjustment you go through as a puppy upsets all your normal household routines and everyone gets a bit fed up time to time.

We normally explain all of this, reassure, and say it will be fine - and in the vast majority of cases, it is.

I have to say though, after reading all your posts, I'm not going to say that. If you keep this puppy, everyone in your household needs to find more patience and empathy for this baby, and he is just a baby. If you have so rapidly got to thinking a tiny baby should be under control (the baby pup has no concept of being in control), shouting at the puppy for eating a puppy pad (all puppies do things like this and he will do things like this for the next year or more - and a great deal worse), and considering squirting such a tiny baby in the face with water, then....well, maybe a more experienced household would be best before Barney develops any problems that a new owner won't be able to sort out. If you decide to give him up, if I were you, I'd consult with a professional rescue organisation about finding him a new home - the large rescues won't have any trouble re-homing a young Labrador puppy. He'd be snapped up.

 

Although I hate to see a puppy being rehomed, I do feel JulieT is correct that in this instance perhaps your family's expectations of how a puppy should be are perhaps too high (not blaming you for this, having a puppy is a culture shock) and you and the pup may be happier if he was rehomed.

You could get a behaviourist to come in to help your wife and daughter understand a puppy, they are, after all, babies.

 

I really feel for you,I'm sure this wasn't an easy post to write.I agree with Julie's reply to you ...what you are going through is completely normal ,but it isn't for everyone.There isn't a Labrador you will meet that wasn't a challenge to some degree when they were a puppy, and they only grow into wonderful adults with our help ,training and patience .There are times when everyone separetely gets a bit puppy jaded but generally you have to pull together as a team to get through what is a really full on stage,And I fully understand that this doesn't always work out in practice .You have to do what is best for all your Family.If you do decide to rehome Barney,sooner rather than later would be better ,I really wish you luck with your decision x

 

So sad, I hope you get things sorted xx

 

I write as someone who knows exactly what you are experiencing.

There were many times in the first year or so that I thought "what have I done, bringing this monster into our home". I feel it only fair to warn you that it will get worse, especially during Barney's adolescence, by which time he will be nearly the size of a full grown Lab (and that is a LOT of dog to deal with, but will have a puupy brain and the raging hormones of all teenagers.

If you are not sure you can all, United, cope with this the kindest thing is to find someone into whose life he will fit. The best time to do it is now to minimise disruption to him. Make sure you find a reputable rescue organisation, a young lab will easily find a new home.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Labs are not the easy dogs people think they are, Molly is not my first puppy and I was stunned by how much work and disruption was trailed in her wake.

Don't feel you have failed. Dog ownership is not for all, by admitting it promptly and finding a good new home for Barney you are doing the best thing for both humans and dog.

 

I hope you find a solution for your family and for Barney. It's early days and he's very much a baby, but you need help to find the right solutions. Puppies are a huge undertaking and involve a lot of work for everyone, so it's important to keep the whole family onside.

Do let us know how you get on.

 

I have followed you posts and feel for you as the puppy journey is quite an undertaking and everyone in the family needs to be on board and understand that your puppy is completely normal and just being...a puppy. Lab puppies are full on, require love, patience and consistency and when you come out of it the rewards are endless. However as posted above a lot can be really hard work in adolescence so you need to be in it for the long haul. I have a gorgeous 8 month old who was a terror biter for 6 of those months. At various points I thought it would never end. But with help from this forum at the worst points he is now so great with fantastic recall, and a huge part of our family. As I was home most of the time (and it's usually the case that one person does the lions share of training) it fell on me to share with my OH how I was training Moke and we agreed to be consistent. I think that's important. Spray bottles will just frighten your pup, you don't want an adult do that's scared if you. And I can tell you that the rewards based training works very quickly.
But if you can't agree as a family in this and I sense despair in your posts, then you are better off rehoming your poor pup, who is not doing anything wrong. They are hard work but SO worth it. Someone would love him and maybe be in a better situation to give him the time he deserves to mature. I think you have been very honest and I hope you come to a resolution soon. Good luck going forward.

 

I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this position and wish you the best with your decision

 

This is a sad situation and I'm sure it's also really stressful....

I agree that sometimes rehoming is the best solution for the puppy/dog, as hard as it is to let them go.

 

I also wish you the very best in your decision, my husband really struggled with my girl when she arrived but I'm from a family that has had a whole range of animals from tortoises to goats with a few labs thrown in plus other breeds so I was well aware of the implications of owning a dog.

I also agree, rehoming is possibly the answer for you. We had our previous lab from The Dogs Trust and I was amazed how many requests there were for puppies on the occasions we went to look for a dog. These type of organisations also vet families to make sure they are suitable.

Best wishes to you and Barney, please let us know how you get on this weekend.

 

I have had a very tearful frank discussion with my wife. She was angry this morning because she was so tired and out of frustration shouted/ was very firm with Barney. Ultimately though we have very different expectations of how to raise a puppy that have only surfaced since getting Barney. She has had 3 dogs in the past that were all puppies. She grew up in South Africa with parents who had lots of experience. I only knew her last dog when he was very old. He had a charmed life of living on the beach, however as a puppy her parents were pretty old school with the discipline. My daughter is also struggling as she is on the receiving end of all his nipping. This morning he bit her arm so hard his teeth sunk in and resulted in her bleeding and in floods of tears. I have tried to explain to her that he is playing and she needs to have toys to distract him or get up and ignore him. I think her expectations were also a long way from the reality,

So Barney is going to go back to the breeder who has a waiting list of homes for him. Im really upset, he is asleep at the moment in his den and looks so beautiful. It's the right thing to do for Barney and that is my priority.

 

You must feel very ,very sad and I'm sad reading your posts ......in sure you've been through the emotional wringer to reach this point.You aren't the first family to have followed this course and you won't be the last.You are doing the best thing for Barney and you are right to do it now,straight away.Your Breeder sounds like a great support,I'm glad he is going back there.He will make a disappointed family who missed their chance of a choice in this litter very happy indeed.You've been brave and responsible in making the right decision for Barney's future x

 

You have made a very brave decision, I really feel for you. Labrador puppies very rarely fulfil the 'Andrex' puppy image that is sometimes portrayed. My previous lab was a lovely gentle soul, this latest one can be a real horror - I could not have coped without this forum, or without my family agreeing to a common strategy for dealing with him, and even then it has been really hard.

I'm sure you have done the right thing for Barney and your family.

 

We have a fifteen week old pup so have been, are still, going through this. It isn't easy and I can understand your frustrations. The difference for us is that I am at home full time (not working from home), I have my husband on the same page and Bailey is not our first pup. People can explain what it's like to have a Lab pup but you don't understand until you get one yourself.
I'm sure that this decision was so hard to make, but it sounds like it was the right one. You have been incredibly honest throughout and it's obvious that Barney was always uppermost in your mind.

I hope you and your family know that you have done the best thing for Barney.

 

I really, really feel for you. But better to do it now, than in weeks time when he would be more confused and harder to rehome. There is a rescue spaniel in our training group who is on his 4th home at 8 months and has so many issues. You are doing the right thing, but it must be hard.

 

That's very sad, but I think it sounds like the best thing for Barney. It's best to do it sooner rather than later, and things do get worse (with teenage Labradors) before they get better. If you are struggling now, I'd say the teenage months would be too much for you.

 

So sorry that you are having such trouble but I applaud your bravery in making this decision. You are doing what is best for Barney and that is what counts. Puppies are hard work at the best of times, and not everyone can cope especially if you have some disagreements in the family about how to raise them. Hugs to you, I know it's hard but for the best all around.

 

So sorry you have gone through what can only have been a pretty tough experience.
I am sure you must all be very sad.
Sometimes we need to make tough decisions.
Hope you manage to feel that this is absolutely the right decision for you.

 

Really feel for you.

Barney will be 100% fine. It is really great that you have contacted the breeder. Don't worry about Barney's future - all will be well. If you want to, ask the breeder to keep in touch with you to let you know that he is doing well (at least for the first few weeks).

Our dog was rehomed to us after he became too much for his first family (and after a dog allergy emerged for one family member). His original family made a personally tough but kind decision. He has a really good life and is loved. So, from the other side, be assured that Barney will be just fine too.

The happiness and unity of your family are super important. I think you are right to put that first. I agree with the others that keeping Barney would only have become harder and harder (for at least a couple of years) before there was any glimmer of it becoming easier.

Please do stay around here for support.... We understand how terribly tough this is.