Hi everyone! After years of putting it off, I finally pulled the trigger and got a Lab puppy about 5 days ago. Picked him up at 13 weeks. He actually got flown to me from the breeder in Northern California. He's remarkably well behaved - the breeder did some preliminary training with him, including getting him to perform actions before getting food/rewards. He seems incredibly smart. He is basically housebroken already except for an accident in the kitchen about 30 minutes after getting him home (we were both confused as to what to do!) The only problem I'm having with him is the crate - he HATES it. I've been working on it slowly by trying to associate it with positive things, treating when he goes in for incremental times, etc. I had to get an X-Pen for him at night though, because at day 3 with no sleep due to his incessant shrieking I was about to jump off a bridge. I'm also having the Puppy Blues as they call them. I was prepared for it to be work and a project, and I knew I'd probably have some anxiety, but I really want a well adjusted go-everywhere companion and so I went the puppy route so I could socialize and mold him. I'm suddenly having so many doubts. I feel like I made a horrible decision, and my brain is saying NO NO NO GO BACK. I feel trapped, claustrophobic because leaving the pup for a few hours involves him screaming for a while. The neighbors were incredibly nice and said they can't seem to hear it, but I live in a condo with one shared wall and I can't imagine they can't hear his banshee-ness. Anyway it's stressing me out so much! I don't know. I feel like a terrible person. I keep having thoughts of bringing him back, and then feeling guilty for having them. I haven't fully bonded with him yet, and the wringer that he put me through the last three nights has me resenting him a bit. He's so sweet and cute and I actually took him to brunch at a dog friendly restaurant with some friends and he was remarkably well behaved. I should be thinking I hit the jackpot on him! But I still feel like he is this foreign, random dog. I also found that having a pup (I'm single and living alone, and work from home) is making me feel even MORE lonely right now, because I don't have any help and don't have anyone else to enjoy the puppy with. It's so weird because I've lived with dogs most of my life and they usually make me feel LESS lonely. I think I'm used to my freedom and the ability to just do whatever I want anytime, and the feeling of constraint and weight of responsibility is making me feel anxious. I've been on the verge of tears for a few days. I worry that I will never love him as much as my other dogs, that I've ruined my life, that I'll never enjoy taking care of him. Every time someone says "oh you've got your hands full now!" or "Labs love to chew everything" or "Hope you're ready for a big dog" (even though he's petite for his age) or "it's like you have a child now" I have an internal panic attack. Why are people being so jokingly negative!? I grew up with a Corgi and loved her to death. She was the family dog. And although I didn't have a dog of my own after that, I recently lived with a roommate for a year and a half who had a 6 year old mix who was sweet as could be and I would often take her for walks and hikes, and never once minded if I had to watch her for the weekend while her owner was away. In fact, taking care of her was immensely rewarding, even though she wasn't mine. I still miss her, and moving out and leaving her left a little hole in my heart (we really bonded, I was her second mom). That's the reason I pulled the trigger on getting my own pup. Does this get better? I can't understand why I'm having this crescendo of negative feelings. I have read other people who had this same problem, but figured I'd make a post of my own. I guess I'm just looking for some support to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for reading
I just wanted to say, hang in there. It gets better My Rolo is 5 months he grew SO fast. I wss crying alone sometimes not wanting my OH to think i had regretted our decision. As hr was very anxious too. I put on a brave face and we are now sat on the sofa whilst rolo snoozes. He isnt perfect. Far from it. But he is mine and im going to keep working with him every day to help him be the best he csn You will find walks and training all help you bond together. He is a new whirlwind who came into your life your bound to be anxious. I promise it does get better
Yes - it gets better! You have only had him for 5 days and I think it takes much longer to bond. My pup is just over a year old...I actually now forget the puppy days mostly and we are just so in love with her at this age. We got her in the dead of winter and decided not to puppy pad train her so we were outside freezing all the time trying to potty train and my OH and I work opposite shifts, so he had her all day and I had her all night and weekends - it was so much work. I felt trapped at home alone, and so did he. I cried some nights because in my previous life, I would never be home. She needed out every 20ish mins for months and took forever to house train. She bit me like crazy, she was up in the night and wouldn't settle (we de-crated her overnight the second she slept though). But, the months flew and before you know it, she was house trained, didn't bite, slept in and was just part of the family. Her personality has changed - we used to think she barely liked us, but now she wants to sleep in our bed and get up on the couch with us. We've bonded a ton through training classes, walks, routines etc. She's so much more fun now in my opinion. One thing we did when she was small and we felt like we couldn't go anywhere was bring her as many places as possible to get out of the house (within reason - he was more bold in taking her non dog allowed places and made friends at the local shops that to this day have treats for her). I mostly visited dog allowed places. Like a lot of carrying her around pet stores and buying toys - just to get out of the house. You should look into a puppy walker who can help if you need a break - there are lots of options out there now and getting some help can be a life saver. And it's nice to have someone around when you are in a bind without using up family/friend favours. Once you get more sleep and settle into a routine, he will slowly become your best pal!
Yes - honestly it does! I cried for about 6 weeks! I'd had no sleep, I had hardly any skin left and a dog around constantly. I couldn't go out anywhere because I was tied to this little black devil. 7 months on he's the love of my life. Sleeps like a baby, the biting is long forgotten and now even though I can go out again I'd rather stay in with Stanley anyway I don't think the bond happens overnight, but when it happens it's the best feeling ever
Your puppy is crying at night because he is missing his brothers and sisters and feels lonely in a new place, he will soon bond with you and will give up crying at night. Put a blanket over the crate, put a cardboard box on its side in one half like a little den in a den, leave the door open, feed him in there (with door open) pop the odd treat in there and you will probably find when he is tired he will take himself in there to sleep. I had my pup in a cardboard box beside my bed and dangled my hand into it so he didn't feel alone. It will get better, I promise and you will forget this trying and exhausting time. The first few days are the worst until you get used to having a 'baby' and then it then it is tiring for the next few months, but nothing like it is now. Then life becomes really interesting and fun with your dog
It does get better, honestly! I feel your pain, in so many ways. I have a new puppy - she's 12 weeks tomorrow. I have two older dogs, two and a half years of age, so I've been there before. I live in Europe but bought my pup in the UK, meaning I have to stay here until she's 16 weeks. My husband has to stay at home in Andorra, working. My sister had offered me her house to stay in for the duration, which was perfect in so many ways - a single story, good sized secure garden, just down the road from our parents, who could be used for puppy care when I was walking the other two. Except, it was awful. I was on constant edge at any noise because I didn't want to bother the neighbours (one of which was especially horrid) and, after three weeks, I ended up moving four hours' drive away, just so I could be in a detached house with a garden and good local walks for a reasonable price (the south east of England is remarkably expensive!). I had some fab help from one of the other members of this forum, who took Luna off my hands for a few nights while I moved, and that was wonderful, and now I'm here alone. I don't know the area, I don't know the neighbours and I don't have any day to day help, but I can relax because I know he can't disturb anyone - and already, she's learning that shouting gets her nowhere, whereas I was reinforcing her shouting before by going to see her to try to hush her. At this age, they do make you feel isolated. You have no real life and everything has to be planned around them. That's true to some extent of an older dog, too, but they fit in more around you than you around them. When a puppy has to wee, puppy has to wee! When you have to do it all by yourself, it can be really draining. I understand. Loads of people here understand. Please come and shout and scream on here - you'll get plenty of sympathy. I'm not in love with my puppy yet. She's a little cutie and her personality is brilliant. But I don't love her like I do my older dogs. It's not realistic to think I would. I've had over two years with them, learnt together and grown together. My puppy is lovely, but she is also the devil incarnate. The pooing devil. Try not to stress about things. Luna has so far been far worse than my first pup with biting (although she's already massively improved) and she's been tough to toilet train - that's going to be a long road. However, I know that I'll get there in time and she won't be pooing and biting forever. Even if, when I'm cleaning up for the third time in a night and she's walked through it, all over her pen, it feels like it's never ending. It will end. We will have a great bond, and I'm excited to see how she turns into an adult. The puppy stage is about survival
I think a lot of people can honestly relate to your post. I think the one thing that makes everything 10 times worse is the lack of sleep. I personally can relate to the crate issues. Harley hated the crate no matter what I did. We eventually managed to get her to go in with a Kong when I went to work for a few hours, but when I was home she refused to go in, especially at nighttime. I built up the time I left her alone at home, starting at 1 minute and building up to 2 hours within a few weeks. I ended up putting her in our bedroom at night on her bed next to mine and it really helped her sleeping pattern. Keep coming here and venting and get some support x
Living with people isn't as cracked up as you think it is. I live with my wife, my mom and my sister's family. Sparky is always the happiest one to see me and is always by my side especially if I have food. It will get better. Lotsa patience. As weeks go by, you spend less time with the toileting. Figure out a schedule for him and keep to it. They will get used to a routine and it will make it easier for u. Think of enrolling the both of you to a puppy class. It was nice seeing other new puppy owners going through the same thing. Some better than you some worse. Also, it gives you things to train/do with your puppy and you will be so surprised how smart they are. Also it's a great way to socialize them with other puppies and people.
It does get better promise. I know I am not on my own trying to raise a puppy, but it was me that was the main (and if I'm honest the only one) driver of getting a dog, particularly a Lab and a puppy. Bailey came into our lives at 8 weeks old and he is now almost 11 months old. Yes the first few weeks are horrid - the constant in and out to house train, the biting, the making sure the puppy is happy.....I remember sitting in the rain crying my eyes out after we had had Bailey for two months, I was soaking wet, my hands and arms were covered in plasters, I had a scratch on my face (from Bailey's dew claw), and I had fox poop in my hair after Bailey had rolled in a huge pile of the revolting stuff and then when I tried to clean him up he jumped up at me and managed somehow to get it on me too. I had my head in my hands absolutely balling my eyes out - Bailey jumped up on the seat next to me (smelling to high heaven) and put his head gently on my shoulder and started licking the side of my face....that's when I knew I had not made the biggest mistake of my life and this boy, come hell or high water (or fox poo) was mine for life and I was his. My OH is also now his devoted slave and cannot imagine life without him. Bailey is now laying on the settee in between us with his head and front legs on me and his back legs on my OH, snoring away quite happily. You have a baby now, in a strange place with someone he doesn't know either - in time you will bond and the trust between you will build and build, just give it time, five days really is not long - but with no sleep I guess it seems like forever. Plenty of support on here - whatever the time of day or night. Take care and welcome to you and your boy (what's his name?). If that is him in your avatar he looks gorgeous
Lack of sleep never helps, but stick with it. There's so much that's positive in what you have written and so many reasons to give it time. Puppies (and older dogs) are a tie and can be exhausting, but there's nothing quite like the greetings when you get home, the reasons to go for a good walk and, if yours is a cuddly pup, the snuggles when you want to relax. I hope you can read your post in a few months and realise that all the doubts are just a distant memory!
You are not alone, I know exactly how you feel and it DOES get better. It's all the uncertainty of the future that had me so panicky. That and the inability to control the situation. I never cried so much as I did with Corona. Still do actually but that's because she has had numerous health issues and it's been a frustrating road. She's now almost 6 months. Her health aside though, she is the sweetest thing and a part of our family now. I would say, that at about 3 months old, she knew the routine of the family and it started getting a lot easier. I would say it took me about 6 weeks to really settle in, and get used to my new life and that's around the time that I stopped thinking about bringing her back to the breeder at every waking moment. I can laugh about that part now but when I was living it, I felt completely tied down, full of anxiety, exhausted, I wanted my old life back SOOO bad. 5 days really isn't long at all, although I remember thinking that every day felt sooo long. I remember thinking, "I just need to get thru one week, then I'll be ok," and then the week would be over and I was thinking, "wow that went by so fast". Corona took awhile to settle at night in her crate without crying at least a bit. I also would hang my arm over the side of the bed into the crate and she would settle once she knew I was there. During the day, I left often, sometimes for a few minutes and other times up to an hour. She would be crying when I got back, but it became less and less, and by the end of week 2, there was nothing. I played a lot of crate games with her, fed her in her crate and always left a filled kong (frozen when she got the hang of it, so it would last longer). She started associating the crate with good things and then we were good to go. Now she stays in her crate up to 4 hours if we really need to. My biggest saving grace though, because I was mainly doing everything alone, was daycare. As soon as the vet approved, I brought her to daycare once or twice a week, and still do. She loves it, gets to play with other dogs, socializes and the best part is that she is exhausted at the end of the day. I get caught up on work and a day apart once in awhile, makes me a better, more patient pet parent. Are there any near where you live? Hang in there, and keep venting on this forum. It has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.
Puppies are just a lot of work, there's no getting around it. All of us have been there at one stage or another, and many are there right now. You are not alone, and all your worries are completely normal. Take it a day at a time and try to celebrate the little victories when you get them. You will get through this! And there is always someone here so come on and vent away when you need to, it really helps!
Obviously you've hit a chord with a lot of us who've had VERY similar feelings. Your whole post could have been me with the two I raised from puppyhood. And when I get my next puppy, odds are I'll feel that way all over again. You've already gotten so many great answers here, so hopefully that will help a little to know you aren't some monster for having these thoughts...and that it WILL get better! My last boy (in my avatar) who passed on last year at 13 was no exception. He was a very challenging puppy and I kept thinking, "Oh dear God, I have another 14 years of this?" I even thought about re-homing him. I mean REALLY thought about re-homing him. But somewhere along the line we just clicked. I think for some people it IS love at first sight, and others of us it's all those little moments of wanting to leave them on a corner with a sign reading "Dog for free" that eventually builds up an unbreakable bond. My only advice would be to DO stuff with your dog. Build up those moments, both fun and frustrating, that build the relationship. Like your restaurant excursion, puppy classes, trips to the park, beach, hiking (when he's ready). Then there's advanced obedience, agility, pet therapy, scent training...all sorts of stuff out there to find out if you enjoy. The thing is, yes - he's a big old responsibility and there are things that you CAN'T do anymore, at least for a while, now that he's here. But there's so much cool stuff that you CAN do now that you have a dog that you couldn't do before. This is what people around you without dogs who are teasing you don't get... and won't get. In the meantime, this is a really good place to vent and share the good and bad stuff along the way.
I'd absolutely agree with everyone here. I'm a week in (picked up Poppy on 9 January) and I can't believe it's only been a week! I had a puppy in December who had illnesses that the breeder hadn't declared and I decided to take her back after 2 days. It was the hardest decision ever and not something I'd recommend lightly. I lost a lot of confidence (maybe I can't cope eith a puppy, maybe I like my sleep too much, maybe I want to just be able to curl up on the sofa and not think about anything and anyone, maybe I want my freedom to go out whenever) but within 3 weeks I knew they were just fears and my longing and desire for a puppy grew back with even greater strength. The reality it IS really overwhelming at first. Suddenly you have this little thing to figure out and think about ALL OF THE TIME. I have a close friend with a 5 month old baby and I just kept telling myself that it is just as overwhelming as when she came home with a brand new baby. The upside is puppies move through stages faster than babies and my friend is now very jealous that Poppy sleeps 1030-630 with only 1 trip to the loo in the night, where as after 5 months she is still up several times! But she gave me the gift of reminding me "this too shall pass". I have said that to myself over and over again. And it helps. The thing I'd recommend is working out what you need in order to feel less overwhelmed. I'm someone who finds it easier to cope if there is a routine. So I just wrote down the first few days when she did what..sleep, feed, wee. I then wrote out a schedule on my fridge. And I mostly stick to it. That helps give me back a sense of control and reduces the helpless feeling. It also helped me figure a few things out. She only seemed to nap for 30 minutes at a time. Then I realised that actually she wakes up during a sleep and needs to drink water and then will settle back down if I let her. Where as initially I had been playing with her when she woke thinking she was done. I too live alone and so I emailed all my friends and told them what I was doing and asked them if I could text, email, call quite a bit so I could tell them about what she was doing and just splurge if she was driving me crazy. Again what new parents need. I also made a wall of photos of my friends to physically remind me I wasn't alone in this. After the first night of sleeping next to her and being awake almost all night, I realised that I couldn't help her if hadn't slept. I don't function well without sleep. So I slept upstairs and set my alarm and went down every 3 hours to take her out for a wee resettle her. i did this for the next 2 nights and since then she has slept 1030-630 with me just getting up once. I am gradually moving that time from 230 to 245 to 3 etc. I'm now working on trying to get her to stay later than 630 but I'm getting enough sleep to function. In order not to feel trapped at home I do two trips out each day. A very quick 5-10 minute walk carrying her to see the building works or cars on the road. Then in the afternoon we go out in the car to a pet shop or garden centre. I go when it won't be too busy (we learnt that the hard way when we got inundated at the pet shop by people stroking and wanting to hold her (cue me walking out of the shop!) and I ask the staff for help as I've not got enough hands to hold her and pay. Mind you we've been three times now and only once did we buy something. We just go in to get her used to people and being calm when out. I have also started to choose my battles. If there is something I don't want her to do I remove it from temptation if possible. I set up a large penned area in the kitchen around her crate. When she gets too bitey (usually when she's tired and during her two "crazy puppy" times a day 8-9am and 7-9pm) I put her in this area (but done in a cheery not punitive way) or remove myself. And I tell myself this will pass. Come 9 she will be flat out sleeping. I make more of her meal times to give me 10 minutes peace. So she rarely has her food in a bowl. We use a snuffle mat or a Kong. It slows her down from gulping it but also makes her use her brain. In terms of the crate I wonder if there is an association for your pup between the crate used to fly her to you (which I would imagine could be traumatic??) and her current crate. I found feeding her in there helpful as well as laying on the floor with my head in it playing with her. If she fell asleep on the floor next to me I'd transfer her into her crate whilst sleepy and leave the door open and sit next to her. Poppy likes her crate but she doesn't like the door shut. So we are doing it one step at a time. She goes in her crate with the door open but a pen around it (I know really what difference does this make except she can flop out of the side of the crate which is often how I find her). And we are now working on small doses of the door shut during the day with a clicker and treats. Honestly last week k sat looking at this thing thinking really? She was like a alien in my house. But around day 4/5 it started to gradually change. Helped by all the above things but also by spending quality time playing with her when she wasn't too excitable/biting and by enjoying doing training tasks together. And massively helped by the support and warmth of people on this forum and knowing I want the only one going through it, and I had people routing for me. I'm not in love with her yet but I quite like her now! So stick in there and remember this too shall pass
Like the other forum members who've already responded to your OP, I really can empathise. It wasn't love at first sight with my new puppy - it took me several weeks to begin bonding with him, and I was incredibly disappointed with a couple of medical issues (which weren't supposed to occur with an outrageously expensive pedigree). And like yourself, I too live alone - so the responsibility of feeding, training, cleaning his messes, watching him, etc. falls squarely on my shoulders. He's 17 weeks now - fully toilet trained and getting the hang of the basics - sit, stay, shake, come, heel, etc. AND he's not leaving me covered in bruised bites and scratches now...he's learning to mouth gently. I adore him, but again, it did take me quite a while...and I did believe I'd made a terrible mistake there for a while. By the way, I taught him the "speak" command - probably wasn't one of my brighter moments - he now barks in a high pitched tone on and off constantly. Be wary of teaching yours that one ; )
And keep reading this form - especially the 'it does get better' thread on the pinned posts. IN fact read that one from the start and it confirms that it does get better. We'd never had a puppy before and some things she was good at and some it was will she ever stop biting, launching at our adult dog, etc etc. And slowly over time it has improved. The biting is down to a minimum when excited and playing or if she doesnt want you to inspect that bump on her face (latter she is learning there is no option IM checking that bump which is now shrinking!). You will have moments of omg this is a nightmare - those times make sure you have an area, playpen, etc to put the puppy for a break for both of you. You'll find crocopup will settle down and you can try again. If the puppy responds to food never stress over using food to keep yourself calm too - food toys, peanut butter in kong , to get puppy back inside, whatever.
I echo every single comment in every reply. You are not alone and all you feel is normal so don't feel bad when you have negative feelings about your pup. My pup is 16 weeks now and I completely love her even though it's still hard - and I think I only fell in love with her a couple of weeks ago, maybe even a week ago. And I've had her for 8 weeks which feel like 8 millenniums! Hang on in there if you can.
We have a 5 months old baby and an 8 month old puppy. We got lucky with the puppy because we have land and he was tended 24 hours a day...... the baby was heaps easier to deal with and still is. Puppies are hard but ooo so worth it in the end. Just hang in there.
I had the puppy blues until almost 5 months. Couldn't believe the mistake I'd made - how could something I'd wanted my whole life, that I was so prepared for, be so awful? Those cute viral videos and photos on Facebook make puppies look fun, so what am I/my puppy doing wrong? I felt so alone and isolated and emotional. OH works long shifts and resented me for bringing the dog into our lives. My then 8 year old resented me for bringing this biting monster into her life. Sausage, it was unhappy in our house for a few months. Yeah, turns out real life isn't a cute Buzzfeed article. But then it gets easier. They become toilet trained. They eventually stop biting. You can leave them for several hours and get your life back on track. They can manage longer walks etc. And at some point you'll realise that you finally love your dog. And then you'll love having a dog. You'll get there. Knowing that your feelings are normal and that loads of other people have been there (but people in real life just don't talk about it) helps.
