Perfect puppy, petrified puppy parent!

Hi everyone! I've been following this forum pretty closely since my family and I picked up our first dog, an 8 week old yellow lab on January 2nd this year. Our boy is almost 13 weeks old now, and doing pretty well in general.

The only issues we're having right now is some attention barking (the breeder described him as "a talker" when we picked him up). However, the trainer at puppy preschool suggested we use a crate and cover it to block out sunlight in the early morning (because he's up at 5am), and as a place that means "you need to calm down and settle". He's completely comfortable with his crate, but not formally crate trained. This morning he actually lasted from 3:30am-5am in the crate without a noise! We'll give that a try, especially during his attention-seeking peak times (5am - 9am, then from 3pm - 7pm). He gets lots of physical and mental exercise at these times, so it's literally just company he's demanding.

The trainer also suggested babysitting another dog of similar age/slightly older if possible for one night, to see if loneliness was the problem in the morning. He can very clearly see us consistently during these barking times through massive glass doors, we're 3 metres away for less than a minute (getting his food, our food, checking the time, etc), but he'll bark nonetheless. I'd be happy to hear any of your insights on this too!

The real issue I'm facing, though, is unfortunately... me. I am very prone to anxiety and depression, and have fought it for 6-7 years (I'm 20 now). I know a puppy is hard work and would complicate things incredibly, I was a bit more keen on an adult dog, but my family wanted a puppy and they have thankfully been very supportive since we got him. However, I'm very stressed and in tears almost all the time every day, even when the puppy is asleep/behaving well, to the point where I regret getting him, despite how much I love him. I refuse to return him because I can already see the fantastic dog he'll turn into one day, and I don't want to let him down.

I know it'll get better one day, but I'm truly failing to stay calm and rational. What I really wanted to ask was, if anyone else on this forum struggles with anxiety, or even if you don't, what advice could you give to a young, first-time puppy-owner with how to stay relaxed, logical, and rational?

Sorry for such a long, confusing post. I appreciate any responses.

 

Hello there ,
Welcome to the Forum ,great to see you here .
First of all it sounds like you've done a great job in settling your puppy into your family .What's his name?
I'm inclined to be cautious about the advice to babysit another dog overnight when your puppy is so young.Yes,the company may be nice for him but it could be very disrupting while you are trying to establish your own routine .How you've described the situation sounds like pretty normal settling in issues ...I'm not sure of your routine timings from your post ie,are you still getting up in the night to toilet or have you gradually pushed that back to the 5am time you mentioned.
Some dogs are more vocal than others ,that's just how they are .....could some of it be explained by him being overtired? If he's had a lot of play,stimulation and attention that could be something to consider.It's getting the balance right.
If he's barking at you whilst you are getting on with things that don't concern him ,I would give him a food filled Kong to chew on to distract him,that will give you a bit of peace and stop him getting distressed.I'd start training go to your mat/bed/place too so that he learns that is the thing he does when the humans have stuff to do! None of this will happen immediately ,it will all take time and patience but you will see him improve and that will be great for your confidence and anxiety.
Please don't feel that being prone to depression and anxiety is all the reason you are worrying and in tears .....please go and have a read through the Puppy board and see how much worry and stress we ALL go through bringing up puppies.It is really common to feel overwhelmed and worried ,we've all been there xxxx You aren't alone in that at all. It's also very tiring when your nights are disrupted and you aren't getting quality sleep ,that's not good for a positive outlook but if you can establish a good nighttime routine,broken nights pass quickly .
Is the puppy mainly your responsibility? If so maybe the rest of the family can help out a bit more to share the load?

Im linking in a couple of articles for you from the main site ...there's loads of help on there ,you may find some of it helpful

http://www.thelabradorsite.com/labrador-barking/

http://www.thelabradorsite.com/labrador-puppy-training/

And I'd really recommend you get a copy of The Happy Puppy Handbook ,there is so much good advice and guidance in there .
Best of luck and lovely to 'meet' you x

 

Great advice by Angela, I have nothing to add but, wanted to welcome you to the forum. Hang on in there things will get better. You sound like you have the puppy blues, lots of members have had it. Have you a photo of him for us to see?

 

You're certainly not alone. Dogs are a huge responsibility and it's very common to feel overwhelmed, especially because it can be very tiring training a puppy. It's so worth it in the end, though.

Maybe you could try putting on a radio for company for him? I leave to radio on for mine when I go out, so Tuppence even takes it a a cue that I'm going if I switch the radio on or turn off the tv and change to the radio. She immediately dashes to the worktop to wait for her Kong!

I hope you find some solutions that work for you. Do keep us updated.

 

Thanks so much for the responses! His name is Stampy, my little sister's idea!

Mostly, he can make it through the night until around 5am. Sometimes he's up at varying points in the night if he needs to wee - he used to happily go on a mat in his playpen, but as we expand his boundaries outside, he actually prefers the lawn, meaning we might need to get up again in the night to let him out. It's not very consistent and the nighttime barking only started two nights ago, so I'm yet to work out a good routine for that. Once he's up at 5, he gets a little walk, a romp around the backyard, breakfast around 6, then some trick training anywhere from after breakfast to 9am.

We'll probably continue with our current morning routine until he's around 5-6 months because I figure he'll start to last better through the night naturally with age, would I be correct in assuming that?

I think right now my goal is to push his afternoon attention-seeking period a bit later in the day. He won't bat an eye if you leave him between 9am and 2pm, but after that he'll bark the moment he's physically alone (despite us being in plain sight) until he settles after dark. Right now it's okay because I'm on holidays, but my university starts back up in March. Though my dad works from home, he'll need peace in the afternoon for conference calls, so Stampy needs to be content with someone coming in and out, not requiring someone to constantly be sitting next to him, if that makes sense?

The "go to your place" thing sounds pretty good for that! I was considering rewarding him for being quiet while alone for 30 seconds, then 1 minute, 3, 5, 10 minutes, building slowly up to an hour or two, but I think that's more or less what you suggested, only there's a physical item to associate the wanted behaviour with?

Thank you again Yeah, the puppy blues seems to sum it up perfectly - no one else in the family is affected like I am, haha! I'm sure it will pass with time, just gotta take it day by day for now and cherish the good moments.

Here's a picture of Stampy just before a successful high five! (Hopefully I uploaded it right...)

 

Hi and welcome from me and 3 year old girl, Harley. I echo all of the comments above, especially the happy puppy book.

 

Awwww, he's lovely

 

Beautiful puppy.

 

omg Stampy is gorgeous. What a lovely face. I just wanted to chime in and say that most certainly everyone has had tears and regret when bringing up a puppy and more so a lab puppy! - My Other half suffers with anxiety and depression and it was a big deal for him, I was trying to be the strong one but on many occasions i broke down too thinking what have i done... but Honestly the bond between me and Rolo now is amazing and he is only 6 months. it goes so quick and all the bad stuff is long forgotten. All I can say for your anxiety from watching my other half, is dont blame yourself for anything. He is a puppy, he will do things wrong, you will get things wrong occassionaly and that is part of learning. Dont be so hard on yourself or you wont enjoy you puppy as you should

xx

 

Hi and welcome from me and my 2 labs. Lovely picture of Stampy

 

Hello there and welcome! Things will get better, I guarantee you. You have a beautiful puppy there - he will turn into a wonderful dog.

 

Hi, your puppy is really beautiful and what a super photo, well done, I find it tricky to get good shots of Cassie. I'm a relative newcomer here, having got my puppy in June.
I've had dogs most of my life, but Cass is my first Labrador and the first to be just my dog - not a family dog or a farm dog. And I've had a lot to learn about modern dog keeping, this forum has been so helpful.
Sorry to hear that you have to live with anxiety and depression, it's a nasty thing. I don't but I definitely suffered from "what have I done". But now at 9 months although still very much a puppy the training is beginning to come together and her real potential as a great companion is becoming evident. I'm sure that you will find taking on the advice you will soon have a truly lovely dog!

 

Stampy is adorable! He'd get away with murder in my house with a smile like that

 

Oh, that's a proper black nose!

 

He's lovely!
I don't suffer from anxiety or depression, but I certainly spent a fair amount of time in tears and wondering "what have I done?". Sometimes I trawl back through my oldest posts on this forum to remind myself how bad I felt at times....because now I really can't believe it, Pongo is a beautiful boy and a pleasure to have around - most of the time ! So please don't feel there is anything wrong with you; it is very, very normal puppy blues. It will pass, I promise... and then you will be sharing your stories with the next new puppy mum who feels they are struggling.
It sounds like you are doing a GREAT job with your little boy. Welcome to the forum!

 

Hi and welcome from me and my boy Bailey and 11 month old fox red nutter. Nothing further to add, apart from LOVE your pup's name - Stampy - love it! And what a super cutie pup too, he would get away with murder in my house too

 

I'm a new-puppy-owner with anxiety/panic attacks. I feel your pain! I don't know about you, but I feel like I can't relax AT ALL, unless our pup is fast asleep in his crate (which, at 5 months old, doesn't happen very often!!). Even when I'm at work and my husband is home with him I'm always constantly thinking: what's he doing? Is he getting into anything? Barking? Is he bored? Is he ill? This is despite the fact that he's an extremely well-behaved little guy so far... (we had a hic-up at the beginning where he caught kennel cough at 13 weeks, and that really spooked me, I think...). Anyway! All of that is just to say, I'm anxious puppy-mom too!!

On to some things that have helped me: I try to remember that this is an adjustment period for me as as much as it is for him. A big part of it has just been getting used to having a third "person" in the house that I need to keep track of (no kids, and my husband and I live in a pretty tiny flat), as well as working out the new overall routine(s). "New" scenarios in general stress me out, so I try to remember that it may not be the puppy specifically that's stressing me out, just the fact that so many things have changed.

I try to focus on the nice moments - like when G is feeling calm and cuddly, and remember that the older he gets the more often he will be like that. We actually got G thinking that he will HELP with my general anxiety (I may even get him registered as an Emotional Support Animal). When he IS being calm, I do see how that will be possible... eventually!!!

I'm also learning to strike a balance between giving puppy enough attention and keeping my sanity. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay to stuff G in his crate with a Kong and take a break and spend time on myself (Like doing laundry?? Reading a book for more than 15 minutes - I almost forget what that's like!). Quite honestly, lots of advice I've seen given to new parents applies here: you need to look after yourself physically and mentally in order to be able to take good care of your pup. If you feel yourself getting overly anxious, your pup will probably pick up on that -- and you won't be able to train/interact with him in a calm and productive way in that state of mine, so it's fine (responsible, even) to take some time away from him.

Hopefully you have other family members who can pick up some slack when you're feeling overwhelmed so you can take a step back - I don't know how I would have survived the first few weeks without my partner!

While lots of people experience frustration and 'the puppy blues' in the first few weeks, I think having pre-existing anxiety can really make it seem insurmountable. But like anything with anxiety, try to wait for those overwhelmed/irrational moments to pass, and focus on the bigger picture which is that you have a new furry pal who will be your very best friend (as soon as he grows up a bit ).

Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more!

 

Oh, and re: the crate. As your trainer suggested, covering the crate really helped for us (so that it does make it into a quiet/non-stimulating space). But also, lots and lots of treats whenever he goes in. Like, LOTS!

Also try fiddling with your feeding schedule. If he is getting up very early every morning, try feeding his dinner later or earlier. George used to wake me up at 6 on the dot every morning, but I started giving him his dinner one hour earlier, and now I get an extra hour!

 

Hi there to you and Stampy! He's adorable - what a great expressive face he has!

You've gotten great answers on the puppy blues thing. If you have a look at other threads on the forum you'll see it is a common theme and you are not alone in the "What the heck have I gotten myself into?" feeling. Come here and moan - there will be loads of people to tell you they can sympathise and that it does get better. That right there is already going to help a bit.

While it's not something I usually talk about here, I did want to answer you specifically about the depression and anxiety issue. Like you, I've had these issues from a young age and then later PTSD got added into the mix. I do think that the puppy phase exacerbates the symptoms. If you have routines that work for you - such as getting enough sleep, exercise, taking the time to prepare healthy food, not getting overloaded with too many deadlines/responsibilities - all that can and does get lumped out the window when you take care of a puppy, or any other huge life change for that matter. My only advice would be to not forget what does and doesn't make your symptoms worse. Try to build Stampy's needs into your own, but keep your own at least as an equal priority. The better you feel, the better you can take care of him.

Next, puppyhood may seem like it lasts forever (especially at his current age!) but it's actually very, very short. This is not a permanent situation. And guess what? It gets much, much better...and easier!

In fact, what you'll find in time is that Stampy is the very best medicine you could possibly have for your symptoms. I had years of drug treatment and talk treatment and all sorts of experimental treatment for my PTSD. NONE of it worked. Thank goodness that many people do respond to all that, but I just didn't. What worked for me was exercise and my dog. Mainly my dog because without him I wouldn't have gotten the exercise either. He calmed me down and I needed to be calm for him. He had my back and made me feel safe when the PTSD flared up. He was the reason I got out of bed, got dressed and got outside when otherwise I just would have stayed in all day. He definitely saved my life, if you get my meaning, because I didn't want to leave him alone.

So hang in there - it's very early days yet, but you'll make it through. Come here and "talk" with your fellow crocopup puppy parents, when he's old enough get out to puppy classes and start doing other fun stuff with him. While you don't have PTSD, it may be motivational to you to check out some of the many YouTube videos of PTSD service dogs and their humans to see what a huge difference dogs can make when it comes to mental health. As time goes on, he will fit into your healthy routine until you'll realise he IS your healthy routine.

It absolutely doesn't feel like it now, but some day you'll get a good chuckle over your younger you asking if you'd done the right thing getting him. And you'll wonder how you ever made it through life without him...I promise!

 

Wow, thanks everyone for such encouraging replies! I've been thinking a lot about what you all said and I wholeheartedly agree. On the whole I'm getting more confident and I think Stampy is too! Of course, I still have my down moments - yesterday I got an unexpected bite from Stampy, and two loud barks in my face (that meant game over for him, though, I left immediately after that), and it made me pretty doubtful and upset again, but taking an hour away from him let me get my head back in control. Plus, being ignored and left alone after barking shuts the puppy right up for a while!

Thank you all again for the advice and friendliness!