There are days where I wonder about having a dog.

I'm late coming to this but just want to say kudos to you for saying what surely everyone everywhere at anytime has thought with having dogs (or kids for that matter!) . "I just want to lay on the damn couch and stare at the wall!" Confession is good for the soul, and it's pretty clear we've all felt that way, lol.

On the training front, look - all the structured stuff and clicker stuff and classes and all that? That's great. But it's also about 1% of your dog's day, unless you are some superhuman who trains two hours a day. Let's face it, the majority of what your dog learns, she learns when you are NOT staring her down with liver in one hand and a clicker in the other.

For my recent foster dog adventures with Toby/Alfie, I kept thinking, "TODAY is the day we're starting clicker training!". And every evening, after three hours of trying to tire him out with walks, jogs and hunting sessions, I'd think, "TOMORROW! Is the day we start with clicker training!".

We NEVER started with clicker training.

However, in the five weeks he was with me, I realised that he learned to:

1. Sit before meals and treats.
2. Not steal things off the kitchen counters.
3. Not bite/scratch me for attention.
4. Not steal my clothes or chew on items that weren't his.
5. Go into his crate on command in the house and in the car.
6. Ride quietly in his crate for car trips.
7. Wait to jump from the car until I said "OK".
8. Put his head through his harness on command and wait calmly for it to be fastened.
9. Sit next to me on the couch while I ate my dinner and not try to get my food.

And on and on....

I didn't "teach" him any of this stuff... and yet I did. Sometimes you need to sit and stare at the walls and your dog will learn, "Today we're sitting quietly because today is one of those days we need to do that together."

As for the "what the heck have I done" feeling. Been there too. I have to tell you, though, that my current dog free state, the first time in TWENTY years, is enlightening. I just don't have as much life in my life, if that makes sense, without a dog. Yes, I can go anywhere and do anything (nearly, lol) but I've found I just don't feel like doing stuff that isn't "dog-friendly" anymore. It's all kind of "meh". I thought it was just me, but when I had Toby/Alfie, I miraculously and rather suddenly felt like doing all sorts of things again. I found I really had to plan my weekends as there were lists and lists of things I wanted to do with him, whereas the prior weekends sans Bodeguero seemed to stretch into an infinity of "meh".

Not saying this will eventually happen to you. My father had dogs his whole life and he is very happy now to be dog free himself, even if he still loves playing with OPDs (other people's dogs). But my 1.5 years and counting being dog free has taught me that they may drive me nuts, but I'm just meant to have slobber and fur on my jeans.

 

Well said Emily, you're right of course we have all felt like that. I totally agree with you about the structured stuff it is a tiny part of dog training which I myself don't do because I don't particularly like classes as I feel too pressured so everything we do with our dogs we have learned about and put into practise, e.g. clicker training, scent work, retrieving etc. etc. Sometimes a sofa day is good especially with a pile of dogs to join you xx

 

I was reading The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh last night and I realised that I am a lot like Eeyore inside my heart on Fridays, actually probably from about half way through Thursdays and Harley is like Tigger everyday

 

I think you should read 'In which Tigger is unbounced'
https://www.e-reading.club/chapter.php/71303/9/Milne_-_The_house_at_Pooh_Corner.html

 

You don't need to train if you are not in the mood to train. It's fine to have a break. Dogs come to no harm whatsoever if you need a day off - they also come to no harm if they go a day or two without a walk if you absolutely can't face it.

But...

.....really? No, if you want to train the most important thing you can do is turn up. You don't have to want to train, of course. It's what you choose to do if you want to do it.

I didn't have much time today, I was really pushed. Betsy got 20 minutes recalling to a hand touch over water - this was instead of a walk because I didn't have time to do both - then I just had enough time to squeeze in 10 minutes of the same over a different bit of water on a stop on my way to the supermarket, and finally she got another 10 minutes lining and directions on the side of a rugby field on my way to pick up a visitor at the station.

So, she got just 40 minutes in total, because that's all the time I had. But for sure, she won't learn a recall over water, a shake on cue, or to run a straight line by me staring at the walls....

 

One thing psych patients and labs have in common. Food tames them both.

 

Ah @Harley Quinn I totally feel you on the cat thing. The one thing I've found myself saying to people since getting Xena is "getting a dog has really made me appreciate my cats"! Motivating myself to take Xena on her short evening walk now that it's winter and it's dark and I can't see apple core/orange peel/cat poo hazards along the footpath is proving really, really difficult. And people say to me "wow, you walk her twice a day?" and I wonder whether I'm overthinking it and being an over-zealous dog mum. People who manage full-time work and a dog are like people who manage full-time work and a baby - you have my admiration.

I love this forum, it has been a life-saver, but it also makes you feel really inadequate when you see what some people are doing with their dogs compared to what you're doing with your dog. At the end of the day all I want is a well behaved pet and I've got to stop comparing myself to what other people are doing.

We're working on a formal recall in obedience, and I'm really struggling to get Xena's finish right (right up close to the crotch in a sit). I was almost in tears a few days ago, which is stupid, and I realised that it was stupid because who the hell cares if I can't get it right? It just needs to be good enough, and if we go into Rally-O I can tighten it up then. As others have said, we just put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

 

I 100% agree with the putting too much pressure on ourselves. I have friends who have dogs and go out and leave them for however long without a second thought. And their dogs are fine! Happy, lovely little things. When I say I have to get back for the dog or talk about Doggy day care they all look at me like

I absolutely adore Stanley and he's the best part of my day.. now. If you'd asked me even 4 months ago I'd have said I found it hard, especially the loss of freedom. Being able to go wherever you want for as long as you want and not having a furry black shadow following my every move in the house but I think when I got more relaxed with him - he just settled. So now I don't care about having the perfect dog, or what mess he makes in the house (which used to stress me out) - mud wipes up. Some days he gets one walk, some days two. Some days he's left for 4 hours, some days he's never left at all. And he always just seems to go along with whatever in his happy little way.

 

I agree that showing up is important, no doubt about it. I just think that a lot of people think dogs only learn during structured training sessions, when in fact they are learning all the time. My recent experiences just drove home to me just how MUCH they learn outside of structured training, it was something that to be honest I'd forgotten and was surprised by when it happened to me.

For me, I also felt a lot of pressure with Brogan to have these perfect training sessions with specific goals and deadlines. It just felt like a chore, and I'm one who actually loves classes and such. But he and I both did better when I broke it down to five minute sessions several times a day. It felt more successful and positive, and telling myself "it's only five minutes" made it easier for me to motivate myself. It got me over a hump of feeling like I had to do it vs. wanting to do it because it was fun.

Just mentioning as that also helped me on those "I just want to sit on the couch" days.

 

I never felt trapped by my dogs I suppose because I'm already trapped pretty much. theyve been great keeping me company they just accept me for who i am. I need to keep busy and fill my time they do that brilliantly. I need an obsession it acts as a mental seditive, my time filled with dogs. They live in the moment like I do they stop me thinking passed the moment and its liberating. they for me have always ment like my garden a statement of hope and the idea that I will continue. They have helped keep me going made me laugh and a pleasure to be around

 

Not quite in the setting I work in The patients I work with are admitted involuntarily. Just to explain a little - I work in a public health care acute psychiatric hospital as a clinical psychologist. Life in South Africa is traumatic and so incredibly, overwhelmingly unfair. Our work is mostly with patients with chronic, severe mental illness and often co-morbid substance abuse. My normal day and week is minute to minute filled with utter tragedy and horror. And for the most part I am helpless to actually make a difference in someone's life who defaults treatment because they don't have food, or can't gain access to a community clinic to get medication because they are homeless and move around. But, and this a big but, I work with incredible, dedicated, brilliant and inspiring colleagues who in private practice would be making a small fortune but choose to do the work they do because of a love and compassion for people. And being priviledged enough to walk a small part of a journey with the patients I do, who despite what I have listed are willing and desire meaning and purpose in their lives - I wouldn't change it for the world. But I do wish I had a magic wand to change their circumstances. But some days it gets a little dark, like Friday. I am going to start a different thread as a spin off to this, a little later.

 

Wow, you must indeed have a lot of stress in your daily life that most of us can't begin to imagine, let alone deal with.

As pertains to having a dog, and especially your first dog, you've probably already figured out that the first year to two years is the toughest because you don't have the personal experience yet of knowing that it will get better than the puppy/teenage stages. You can read about it here and understand that it will get so much easier, but experiencing something and knowing that in your bones are very different. Also sometimes I think it takes that long for your own lifestyle to adjust to a new "co-species" lifestyle. Sorry, that sounds a bit goofy, but hopefully you know what I mean.

In my own darkest days, in my case to do with health issues, my dogs absolutely got me through it. I do not know how on earth I would have gotten through chemo without "Dr. Brogan". There were things I forced myself through not because it was best for me, but because I thought if I didn't, I would be choosing to leave Brogan and I didn't want to do that, even though I had an excellent guardian lined up for him if it came to that. And as Brogan was also my service dog, the things I could do WITH him far overshadowed the things I couldn't do because I had him. Even though technically most people would say that I have absolute freedom now that I don't have a dog, for all practical purposes I've found it to be the opposite - in the past 1.5 years since Brogan's passing I've done less and feel more restricted, as if the world has sort of closed up around me.

I'll be curious to see what you say in a year or so when you look back on how you are feeling now. I really think you'll come to find that you can't imagine dealing with the stress of your job if you DIDN'T have Harley to come home to. In the meanwhile, I hope you can navigate the "Aaaargh!!!" moments and make it through the teenaged stage and out the other side!

 

We all have stressed in our lives. We all cope with stress differently.
Me included.
I often struggle to fit in walks with my whole days often being 8am to 9pm and half days that might finish at 5.

But the effort is usually worth it. Getting out for a walk...focusing on what is good in your world....appreciating the beauty of the countryside around me. It is a healing salve.
And if I only manage one walk? I think our dogs are forgiving.

Always, in my role training new GPs, I am conscious of the need to promote work life balance and help develop "resilience".
Always, I have at least one tutorial with each trainee, either on the beach, shoes off, practicing a little mindfulness. Or the woods. My regular haunts.

My advice? Don't beat yourself up. Don't forget yourself.

 

@Xena Dog Princess I can totally empathise , when you say that at times , reading about achievements , you can feel inadequate . I used to feel just the same, because Sam didn't do this or that to perfection , that he often got things wrong , or should I say , I got it wrong ! But, does it really matter ? In the grand scheme , there are owners who have to train to a high level in order to compete in the field , and I admire them greatly for their achievements , but there are also those of us who don't need this level , myself included , I fall far short, but I do have a dog who is socialised , happy , and pretty much obedient . I also find our walks very therapeutic , a time to relax, enjoy the surroundings and enjoy the company of my dogs , its horses for courses really x

 

Like @drjs@5 so rightly says, we all have stressors and strain in our lives. Every time I read someone's story on here I am inspired and just so overcome by respect for how humble everyone is about the hardships and tragedies of life you/we are all going through. I think that is a huge part of the magic and soul of this forum, not just the love for dogs and animals, but the mutual enjoyment and sharing of lives.
I don't feel like my cats have as much of a need for emotional connection as Harley does and on Friday I didn't have any more spoonfuls of emotional energy to give. But it all worked out. DH is very compassionate and he knows that from time to time my job really exhausts me, so he played with Harls and kept her entertained until I had a chance to just "decompress" a little.

@Emily_BabbelHund - this could not be more true. And when we briefly had the rescue pup (poor little Ayra) before Harley I realized that she was bringing something very special into my life. Something nothing else could. So after she passed I felt very strongly that we needed to have a dog again. I really can't imagine our lives without her.

 

It's funny you say that. Ella turned two in April and the OH and I were just saying the other day that puppies are cute but we love her new found maturity!

I know exactly what you mean! We're struggling with a 90° and 180° left pivot turn at the moment and it's driving me nuts! Really? Really? My biggest concern in life is that we can't master a left pivot turn?? It's almost comical to put into writing

 

I think it's a little like raising children - for example, an old friend of mine was obsessive about tidiness - so her children were taught from a very young age to be extremely tidy. A bit of untidiness didn't bother me (I found it easier just to clean up after them than follow them around the house barking [pun intended] orders), but teaching them to be extremely courteous and respectful of their elders was something I focused on more so than my friend.

It's the same with our dogs. My boy is my companion. I don't particularly want him running around the house with my remote control, but if he does and I have to chase him, it's not the end of the world. But toilet training - we had that down pat in a very short period - it was important to me to stay on top of him constantly.

 

One of the best parts for me is looking into the pups eyes and thinking we'll do you want to be like. Then you start to see them blossom and in your head you see them 2 years down the the line and think oh wow you're amazing now but I just can't wait to see you in a couple of years. Sometimes I just smile to myself I can see them as they are and I know how they will be. Rory is just about to hit peak Labradoriness. i get excited when i look at him and going yes yes in my head we,'ve done it nearly there.

 

I can't imagine being dogless. My dog gets me out and about. Without the need to take Coco out, I would probably not bother. I'd miss so much beauty. I have a health condition for which I believe (and my consultant also said - use it or lose it, he said) that keeping active is so important. Coco is keeping me mobile. Long may this continue.

 

I do agree with the idea, a number of posts back, about 'good enough' dog training. Because I have plenty of time I'm enjoying doing more with Molly, but with my last dog, when I worked full time, I only trained a recall and a stay. However, I did find walking him, even on dark winter evenings, refreshed and unwound me. I kept a horse at DIY livery so used to drive to the stables and walk around the private land there, so had the luxury of him being off-lead all the time.
Hope all you workers are having a relaxing weekend.