Regretting decision - struggling to bond with my puppy

Thanks - she has a crate - but she does not like it much and certainly hates it when we close it up; so we are keeping it to short periods and open door.

 

I do hope you’re able to get some help, AJ02Blue. It’s debilitating to feel so low and anxious and you definitely deserve not to feel like that.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. Having a new puppy is hard. if you have access to help take it. Things will settle down.

 

Puppies are hard. I think lab puppies are harder than others.
You really have to set aside the rest of your life for several weeks if not months to get basic training sorted before you can really start enjoying your pup.
The hyper-alert phase can be exhausting particularly for the anxious or OCD sufferers I think.
But....it's worth it.

 

We’ve had our pup Bailey for 6 weeks now. When she first arrived it was like having a baby for a couple of weeks and I literally did nothing but look after her, worked on toilet training etc. It wasn’t what I expected and I wasn’t sure that we’d done the right thing.

She settled in straight away and was such a good girl, just a few small accidents but we’ve pretty much cracked it now. We didn’t bond instantly and it did take a couple of weeks to work out her personality and what she wanted and when.

Once those couple of weeks passed we turned a corner, got into a routine and she’s lovely. She’s a great companion and I’m glad I stuck with it. It’s not a walk in the park but you get out of it what you put in. Knowing what I do now, I would definitely urge you to give it 3 or 4 weeks to settle down. Ultimately they’re a new member of the family and you need time to adjust to each other.

Good luck and I really hope it works out for you all.

 

I felt exactly the same when we got our second puppy 6 years ago. We already had a 6 year old labrador and I had forgotten how difficult the puppy stage was. I spent a year resenting the puppy for 'spoiling' our calm ordered lifestyle and bringing chaos and hard work. That disruptive puppy of 6 years ago has become the most wonderful companion and member of our family, an absolute joy. Stick with it if you can, the rewards are worth it. I will be reminding myself of this soon as sadly we lost our older dog at the age of 12 a few weeks ago and we are hoping to bring a new puppy home next month.

 

Yes, we tend to block out the stress of puppyhood when, while it can be intense and frustrating, that time is relatively short compared to the many years of the most wonderful companionship. I have a 4 mo old now who is, occasionally, driving me nuts and making me wonder why I got her. But then I remember our previous lab who was the most wonderful, loving creature in the world for 13 years out of her 13.75 years on Earth. That's a pretty good trade-off! Hang in there! It will be worth it.

 

It is so hard and life changing but it is so worth it and they end up changing your life for the better.

I will never forget my mental break down with Axel when he was 14 weeks old. I was on the phone with my mom, had just cleaned up two huge Axel piddles on my floor, he was biting me and just being a royal pain in the butt. Then he peed again!! And he ran through it and took the paper towel I was using and was ripping it all over the house. I remember just collapsing to the floor, bawling my eyes out while my poor Mom was still on the phone, which was somewhere on the floor. When I finally picked up the phone and could get out a couple words she told me to just put him in his crate and take a break as it’s better for both of us. I always felt like using the crate was mean, but from that day on I took advantage of it.

Anytime he became mouthy or naughty I took it as a sign as he needed to rest, so I would pop him in the crate and he would fall asleep almost instantly. If I simply just wanted a break regardless, a frozen Kong would give me an hour free from him.

I also phoned a trainer the night of my breakdown and signed up for puppy classes which started the following evening. From that first class on everything changed for the better. We still had rough patches but I felt more in control somehow.

I didn’t like Axel until he was about 5 months old, we didn’t have much of a bond at all. I was even ok with rehoming him but my OH was attached. Funny enough Axel never treated My husband the way he treated me. I still have scars on my hands and arms from him. He was my husbands dog for months, which upset me as I wanted him. But from about 7 months old he has been my dog 100%. Our bond is unbreakable, where ever I am he is, he chooses to snuggle me instead of get up with OH, the list goes on really. He still loves my OH very much but what we have is so special.

Wow that turned into a book! Just hang in there, it gets better! And for those days where it’s just so hard, vent on here, we all have and it’s helpful knowing you’re not alone.

 

How are things today?

 

I love your whole post, but I especially want to applaud this. Most people who know me think I have SOOOO much patience with my dogs and foster dogs, but the reality is that at times, I get so angry/frustrated that I can't see straight. When that happens, my strategy is 10 minute crate time out. The "time out" is definitely more for me than the dog and its such a valuable tool to be able to get my head on straight again and re-tackle things with a better attitude.

OK, I want to applaud this, too. Hearing this will help a lot of people, including me, so thank you!

 

Sorry to hear about your old dog - the time passes too quickly, doesn’t it? I highly recommend the Happy Puppy Handbook, I read it once a year!

And welcome to you from Mags, Tatze and Keir from Manchester UK

Tatze is my pet dog, a black Lab and she's four years old. Tatze means 'paw' in German.

Keir is my fifth Guide Dog puppy, a yellow Golden Retriever/Flatcoat cross and he's seven months old.

 

As many have said, I believe it is normal. I was just like you. I read a lot, I researched how to introduce a puppy to established cats and which breeds do best around cats. I Researched online and found a puppy near the area I was mgoving to and put a down payment on her. I was counting down the days and couldn’t wait. When she was 11 weeks old I picked her up. She slept on the car ride and was perfect. I brought her home and within 5 minutes she pooped on the floor. After 2 days and cleaning my floors like 50 times, I started to regret my decision and I contacted the breeder. I almost brought her back. The breeder wasn’t any help for advice (apparently just about the money). I was feeling down and wanted to smack myself. I had forgotten what it was like having a puppy. The potty training problems, the constant waking me up in the middle of the night (like having a baby) and all the attention she required. Cats and kittens are soooo much easier to House break and they are more independent. I was use to a independent animal now I have found myself with a dependent.

I have found that going to the 6 week puppy class helps. This is where I learned that it is a normal feeling and you’ll be around people going through exactly what you are going through with the typical puppy behavior. Go sign up ASAP. It helps.

I’ve had Lucy 2 months now, and even though she’s being a brat right now (possible early teenhood), I’m glad I have her and I can honestly say it’ll get easier and you both (you and her) will figure it out as the days go by. She’s new to life and your new to her, it’s a learning process.

 

Our girl is 4.5 months old now and is changing so fast. She is becoming so much more of a real dog instead of a bouncy, chomping Tasmanian Devil. Every day I'm loving her more and more. I'm feeling guilty about my early resentment and frustration with her. She's such a precious, wonderful, cuddly thing now! That doesn't mean she doesn't drive me nuts sometimes. But my bond with her has become strong enough she is worth those annoying moments. I even plan on getting another puppy some time this year, so she'll have a playmate. I know that first month is going to be Hell and there will be moments of "What have I done!? Again??" but I'll be reminding myself, when it's peeing on the carpet and chewing my sofa cushions, "This too shall pass"! Just a month or so! I can do it! Haha! It will be worth the next 10-15 years of unconditional love and loyalty. I had my previous lab for almost 14 years. She was also a terror as a puppy. And she had multiple health problems that needed attention when she got old. But I'd do it all over again if I could have her back. They are priceless joys in our lives.