It is now two months since Sam died , and as so many of you were so very kind to us , I thought I would let you know how we are doing without our boy , also it might just help others who have gone through the same gambit of emotions , to know that they aren't alone . Life is very different , as I am left with a toy breed which I would never in a million years have chosen, but she needed us so badly and has repaid us a thousand fold . Walks are so much more structured now, no rock climbing or off piste walks , no long rambles of four or five miles , and I do miss them . The house is more quiet , Sam and Nelly did often play indoors , tuggy games with toys and just a general mauling of one another ! Strangely , I also miss the worry , the constant reminder of a dog with cancer that can make you paranoid at times , every upset tummy or off day becomes a major issue, even when it isn't . I miss the quiet cuddles we had , I miss the sheer size of him . Sam was a big dog , a 40 kilo lump , hard to miss and so I miss that presence now , you know, those times when you go to step over them and they stand up ! I miss him hovering in the kitchen , waiting , ever hopeful for me to drop a morsel , intentional or accident , he didn't care ! I still shed tears , but I can now think of Sam without tears falling , so this fills me with hope . I still walk where I used to walk with him , because it comforts me as I see him in my minds eye, charging around , swimming and generally loving life . I can now enjoy some of these same walks with Nelly without becoming upset , whereas they were painful at first . Life goes on , and so do we , we just enter a different and new chapter in our book . We don't forget, we don't actually get over it, but we slowly learn to cope with our loss and manage our lives without them by our sides . Will I ever have another Labrador ? Another dog even ? Truth is , I don't know and while there is doubt , I wont act in haste . Maybe one day, who knows , but for now , we have wonderful memories of a fantastic dog xx
Very nice post I know wot your going through as I've not long lost my best m8 in this life a little girl called mia who I miss so much
That's lovely, Kate. I'm glad you're able to focus on the wonderful memories of Sam. It took time when we lost Penny at seven years old, fourteen years ago now. The friend I walked with still had her littermate who lived to a ripe old age, but for ages I avoided walking with her (and my other two dogs) at the place Penny had loved most, preferring to choose other walks. It still hurts now. Eventually we felt ready for another labrador when the other two dogs were older and, persuaded by my youngest son, we chose Wispa, deliberately selecting a (reddish) yellow puppy rather than a black one, as Penny had been. Then Tuppence came along too as a sudden whim to keep Wispa company when she became an 'only dog' and is completely different from Penny, both in looks and in character, although she's black. All our dogs have been special, but it's particularly hard to lose one which has seemed to be in the prime of life. I wondered why on earth I was about to put myself through it all again when we had Wispa (and then Tuppence) - but it would be just as hard to be without them. The memories are very special.
I am glad you are beginning to feel a little better Kate; like you I imagine my beloved Drift where we used to walk, as he used to go mousing. Sometimes I feel heartbroken as I remember him doing that and sometimes it is comforting. We never get over it, but thankful for being lucky enough to have known our special dogs x
That's beautiful, Kate. I can identify with so much of this, though for you two months is such a short amount of time. Brogan passed two years ago and I still have a cry about him now and then, but certainly less than the first months. I still talk to him and feel like he's right there on my left side, especially if I happen to go along one of our favourite walks. It's hard going to get over our big boys...
It's the empty space that is not filled and the constant feeling that something is missing and the turning to greet something that is not there, then the realisation again that they are just not there. expecting to see them round the corner or just forgetting they are gone. I don't think you do get over it. You just live with it and love your other dogs with all your heart
Such a lovely post to read. I lost my beloved lab in July last year and occasionally I worry about how sad I sometimes still feel. Some days the pain of missing him is huge but you’re right, some days now I can think of him and smile. I also really miss the sheer size of having a big lump of a lab around! It’s reassuring to know that others feel the same so thank you for writing this.
