Hi I am the owner of a beautiful Lab/Retriever cross who is just over a year old. She's lovely, quite needy and very mischievous (attention seeking), but she has a lovely, sweet nature. My husband either works from home or can be working away for two or three days at a time, so primarily, he spends the most time with her. This is due to increase to him being away each or every other week. I work part time, 2 full days and a half day. We have two kids that live at home, both who are at school and not yet old enough for dog walking! (We also have a cat, who in all fairness would be happy as larry if the dog went). My husband does not feel that we have the time to devote to her. We take her out most days during the week across to the field for a run around, and then for a much longer walk at the weekend. When hubby is away and I am working, I do come home at lunchtime to let her out, but I can't stay for long. I am also currently training to run the London marathon, so my time is fairly limited as I'm either running or at the gym when I'm not at work. We also have a number of others things that take up a lot of time away from home. I accept that I am not the primary carer to her, and I am now thinking whether me just loving her is actually enough. We eat in the kitchen and this is also where she sleeps and eats too. It does feel like we are constantly telling her to go away, lie down or bed, as she is such an opportunist when it comes to food - what Lab isn't though? This doesn't really bother me but it does bother my husband. He is adamant that she goes, and has been for some while now. I actually advertised her on a site and had loads of response, but in the end we decided to give it another go. I really don't know what to do. I know that if she went out lives would be easier, but that's not really what it is about, is it? She's such a beautiful dog, but I wonder if that's enough? (I should mention that we previously had a basset hound before I had my two youngest children. He reacted badly and after numerous sessions with various people, and being in many scary and uncomfortable situations with him, we eventually got him rehomed. I know it was for the best, but this makes this situation seem quite ridiculous in comparison) Thanks
Personally, it sounds to me as if a dog is not the right fit for you. You are committing to your London Marathon training, but you are not willing to compromise that time and give it to the dog instead? No, sorry to say, I think she would be better off elsewhere. Taking her out "most days" isn't enough. She needs mental stimulation which she can't get stuck inside a house up to 24 hours a day. Imagine if you lived her life - would you be happy? Not even being able to watch TV or read a book? And you're obviously active, as should she be. If you were stuck inside all day, how would it impact on your emotional state? I think you either need to commit more time to this dog, or find her a home with someone who can. Love is not enough.
Well it's a tough decision isn't it...if you think she's not getting the care she deserves, it may indeed be the kinder thing to find her a home that can. It sounds like your husband really isn't happy with her, and a dog is a member of the family so she'll be feeling that, I'm sure.
I think Snowbunny has hit the nail on the head, your commitment is elsewhere. I realise you love her, but I think your husband is right. You love her, so let her go to a home where she can get the attention she needs. You may be able to get help with re-homing from a breed rescue.
Agreed with the others - this dog needs more than you are prepared to give her. A year-old lab cross will need a minimum of an hour's walk a day, with lots of additional training and mental stimulation. I quite understand you are training for the marathon, and your commitments to work and your family, but if your husband is not able to devote more time and attention to her to take up the slack, then you are doing her a huge disservice. Just saying that you love her isn't enough - having a dog is a huge time and emotional commitment. Good luck, I hope you manage to find her a wonderful home.
Totally agree with @snowbunny it really would be best to re-home your girl. Dogs need commitment on a 24/7/365 basis not when it fits with the rest of your life. Children grow up and become more independent, a pup matures into a dog but remains 100% dependant upon you for food, exercise, stimulation, training, affection etc., loving her is not enough. Rather than advertise her on the internet to rehome contact your breeder who may be willing to take her back and rehome (usually a clause in your puppy contract from a reputable breeder), or contact a local breed club who may have a rehoming co-ordinator who can assist.
I don’t think it is enough - she seems way down your priorities. She needs daily exercise and also training so she is not pestering for food when you are eating. This can be done but takes time and commitment which you say you don’t have. Better to find a home for her that does.
I was thinking about this post as I was making lunch and I wanted to add a comment about the title. "Am I being selfish?" I have a bit of a bug-bear about this word, because it has so many negative connotations that I don't think are fair. The fact is, we are all selfish. That doesn't preclude us from being generous, too, but we have to be selfish, to look after ourselves and do what's right for us, otherwise we turn into bitter and twisted shells of people. So it's about balance. Choosing our priorities. I have been called selfish for not having children. Well, you know, that's accurate. I like my life too much - and don't like children enough - to want to have them. On the other hand, if I did want kids, that would also be a selfish decision in the purest sense of the word. It's down to the "I want" part. Notwithstanding that you have to give up a huge amount of yourself when you have children, the choice is about self. Similarly with our dogs. Historically, I didn't want a dog because I didn't think that it would fit into my lifestyle. I was right. But when the stars aligned and I happened to be present when a litter of puppies was born, I had a think about it. Was I prepared to change my lifestyle to take one of these puppies into my life? The answer was "yes". It has changed my life in so many ways I can't even count. But it was a choice that I made - I had to change my lifestyle and I was prepared to do that. My life now revolves pretty much around my dogs and I love it! But that doesn't make me any better - or less selfish - than someone who doesn't have those priorities or that desire to alter their life. I am "selfish" because I choose to do those things that make me happy, which means spending every moment I can with my dogs. It sounds as if you are not prepared to alter your lives enough to cater for your dog's basic needs. You know what, that's fine. If you did give up your marathon training for her, it sounds like you'd resent it. That is not healthy in the slightest; you will both end up suffering. However, she does still have those needs, that's undeniable. Which means making an assessment of how you can best do that. To not consider her needs as important would be the worst thing - you're not doing that. So other options could include employing a dog walker or doggy cay care for her to be able to get out and about, socialise and be a dog. Your marathon training won't last forever, so maybe this would just need to be a temporary thing, until you could fit more time for her into your day. The thing is, from your post (which obviously is only a glimpse into your world, nowhere close to the whole picture, so I'm only guessing best I can), it sounds like your relationship with her at home isn't the best, either. If you're constantly having to be on at her, that's not healthy for either of you. Constant nagging is tiresome for both parties and damages relationship rather than building it. If you are interested, you can work on that by investing time in building relationship through positive reinforcement training. This would lead to you being more closely bonded, your dog being mentally stimulated and a generally more harmonious living situation. But, it does take time and energy. So what you have to do is think about how much time and energy you are prepared to invest in her. Not as something you should do but something you want to do. Because if you feel forced into it, you will resent it. If the truthful answer is that you're not prepared to sacrifice things you currently do in order to spend time and energy on her, then I go back to my previous thought that she would be better off in a home that is prepared to meet those basic needs. If, however, you would consider changing your lifestyle to give her more of what she needs, then there will be support here to enable you to work through that. There will be no judgement either way - your only consideration should be for the emotional welfare of this dog. Sometimes that means ensuring the dog has the chance of a better life by placing her with another family. Good luck with your decision.
The only thing I would add to @snowbunny 's thoughtful post is that if you decided to invest the time and energy into training and building a good relationship with your dog, you would also need the commitment from your husband and your children to work with and support you. Everyone has to be prepared to make the effort, and not just for a few days or weeks ......
Absolutely no judgement. I'll just add that I am eternally grateful to someone who chose to give their dog up - without them I wouldn't be sharing my life with Coco.
Just wanted to echo some of this - the fact that you have taken the time to post your question shows that you do care about doing the right thing for your girl. No judgement either way - in fact well done for recognising that there is a real decision to be made here (for everyone's benefit). You are already streets ahead of some dog owners who don't care about their dog's happiness at all - good for you. Do let us know what you decide. We're on your side here.
Totally agree with everything already said. Doing the best thing for your girl is paramount, but if you did decide to keep her you might just find that the more training you do and the response you get from her the more it pushes you on to do more, a bond forms that is like no other. We all have busy lives but we make having dogs a part of that life work no matter what, but that is a huge commitment which involves the whole family. The bond I share with Hattie & Charlie is everything to me, I couldn't imagine my life without them. I also agree with @edzbird if Charlie hadn't been given up by 3 previous families we wouldn't be sharing our lives with him, even though he can be a massive handful and a pain in the butt on occasions He has taught me so much about my own capabilities or not as the case may be, but he also brings me great joy when I see the penny finally drop and he can do all sorts of training which has turned his life round I am sure you will come to the right decision for your dog, you and your family, you will find we are a supportive forum who will be here for you. xx
I agree with what's been said above. I don't think you're selfish, maybe it's just not the right time for a dog. They are a huge commitment, but I personally feel definitely worth it. I've had to give up the gym (what a shame ) for my dog because it is more time for him to be on his own. His happiness is more important than my abs. I feel as though a dog should be fully part of the family, and that means putting them as equal priority. To be honest, my dog is probably my highest priority as he is the only one who relies on me, everyone else could realistically manage on their own. Good luck whatever you decide, I know it must be an awful decision to make xx
I don't think it is so much about exercise, as it is about attention. Our dogs don't get as much daily exercise as they should, but they do get huge amounts of attention, and they do get some long walks and other trips. I can't walk by our dogs with out giving them some attention. Because we have two dogs and a large yard and house, they do get some exercise on their own also. We often joke that we ask what would our dogs like to do this weekend, and usually it is something we would like as well.
