So...we have had a fellow over for supper a couple of times. He's having a hard time due to life circumstances, we are trying to help out. All fine and good. Except...he is one of these people who thinks they can manhandle dogs to make them obey. And manhandle is actually a soft word for what he has done to his own dog in the past, no word of a lie it's actually very appalling and he should have been charged with animal cruelty (he doesn't have a dog now, thankfully). So....he doesn't like Simba jumping on him, and thinks that pressing him down and physically preventing him from doing so is the way to go. Plus he grabs his collar and hold him down. Why do people think they can just do what they want with other people's dogs??? I mean, seriously. Simba came to us with issues of collar reactivity, which I worked on to overcome. Plus he has been manhandled in the past, and I am very careful not to do that to him. And here's someone pressing him to the ground, basically!! I know, I need to tell him off. But it's difficult due to various reasons I can't get into here..... Basically I wanted to vent a bit. I'm hoping we won't have him over too much, it's just so stressful. I can't trust him around my dog, I try to tell him to do the things that actually WORK like turning his back on Simba when he's jumping, but you know how it is, people think they know better than you.
Re: Stressful!! How very, very difficult If you have him over again is there someone who can mind Simba for the evening?
Re: Stressful!! Hi Lisa, I have had this situation with my ignorant brother, so I do simpathise. I think my brother has watched Ceasar Milan. He said the other day Otis needed a good beating. However unlike you I can go for my brother if he lays a finger on Otis. When he was a pup, my brother threatend to hit Otis, and i said if he did, Id hit him, meaning my brother. He once dragged Otis across the floor as a pup by his collar, and we had a yelling match, charming arent we ! I think my brother has learnt his lesson, now, and just leaves it to me, I just get his silly remarks. Hope you manage to avoid the situation again, maybe get another member of the family to take Simba for a walk if your friend pops around. Just like your friend my brother thinks he is right, Maggie X
Re: Stressful!! Sorry you are having this dilemma Lisa. obviously you want to support this chap in spite of his shortcomings. Would it help at all to remove Simba's collar when you have one of his visits? If he asks why you could maybe explain about the collar sensitivity if you think he would get it.
Re: Stressful!! Grrrrrr! That would make me pretty cross too! Especially when you're trying to be supportive to him! Don't think you're going to change the person's behaviour though- if he's only with you for a few hours each time, can you just stock up on frozen kongs before he arrives and keep Simba out of his way? Good thinking with removing the collar, Jacqui.
Re: Stressful!! Really difficult. I know this is hard. Could you leave Simba somewhere - kitchen, garage, with a big pile of kongs? It won't harm him to just be shut away for an evening. Otherwise...well, it's a balance between helping this guy and your family. Simba is part of your family, it's just not right that all your hard work - you have overcome so much with Simba - is put at risk. My brother is a bit of a nightmare with Charlie - in terms of playing wild games and getting him over excited. My brother (like I was) is desperate, desperate, to have a labrador again (the lab we had as kids made a big impression on us) and he can't leave Charlie alone and ignores me! He is the only one who does ignore me - drives me quire mad. I just take Charlie away and put him in his pen. It's such a punishment for my brother he is slowly getting better. I cannot wait for my brother to get his own labrador - then he'll understand!
Re: Stressful!! Well, it is difficult isn't it and you must be a kind person. I am more abrupt and would have to say something. Why should your dog be shut away? Tell him you don't treat your dog that way and in future this (whatever you do for jumping up) is how you deal with it. Be very calm but VERY confident when you explain this (he might be the sort that thinks he knows best), don't be weak about it and he should see you mean business. Tell him the history of collar problems. Don't subject your dog to him - another room? Does he stay hours? Don't invite him over. Be strong. we are all behind you
Re: Stressful!! Gosh Lisa you are so kind and patient. I have to say, if ANYONE grabbed Poppy and pushed her to the ground, they would be out the front door before you could say 'goodbye'. But I understand you wanting to help this chap. A dilemma indeed.
Re: Stressful!! Ah Lisa I'm sorry your kindness is being repaid in stress. I've had a trainer that came to our house that I asked to leave because she was an apostle of Cesar!in the first 10 mins she had scruffed Dex right down onto his back on the floor,pinned him and kneed him in the chest!the kick she delivered demonstrating how to make him walk to heel was the last straw Chris's Dad pulled Dexters legs from under him once to make him lie down and I objected immediately but I was comfortable enough to say it and know there wouldn't be any trouble about it .......I do feel'judged' though when they are staying and I ask Dexter to do something and he doesn't do it immediately...I know my FIL's internal commentary is saying I'm too soft with him! How to deal with this hmmmmm,it's hard to shut him away and why should you but it's hard to see him manhandled too With a bit more exposure to this guest will Simba just 'learn' to give him a wide berth because he's noticed nice things don't happen when he's around him?that might be my naivety and inexperience making me think that though ???
Re: Stressful!! What a difficult situation Lisa I agree with what everyone else says - some saying keep Simba out of the way when this man comes round, some saying be firm with the man around how you want him to treat Simba. It truly is a dilemma, and one that only you can decide what to do. We are all here for you to vent as much as you need. Sending you big hugs xx
Re: Stressful!! I really feel for you Lisa , what a horrible situation to be in I think that if it were me, much as I hate confrontation , I would have to say something to the man rather than risk the whole situation escalating and blowing up . You are being so kind and its not being repaid , keep the faith xxx
Re: Stressful!! I can see it is difficult for you giving the circumstances. I would put Simba on the lead and keep him away from the chap. Could also explain to him that Simba has had a problem and you are working hard to remedy this, so you would be very grateful if he could help you by being understanding.
Re: Stressful!! You're being much more kind and understanding of this chap than I would be! However, I think the advice others have given to put Simba elsewhere before he arrives is the best solution.
Re: Stressful!! Difficult situation Lisa, but as others have suggested, I would simply put the dog elsewhere for the evening. I know you shouldn't have to, but it is the only sensible course of action. You don't want to let this guy down, and you don't want him messing with your dog. So shut Simba in another room with some kongs. He'll be fine.
Re: Stressful!! Oh Lisa this is so difficult for you. Like a few of the others I have a problem with David's dad when he visits, Hattie & Charlie are pleased to see him, heaven only knows why as the first thing is does is hit Charlie on the nose for his excitement, I have had enough and the last time I told him "Don't do that Geoff" very firmly, we will see if he remembers on his next visit. I agree either put Simba in another room or just explain about Simba's collar sensitivity and if he persists maybe suggest going out somewhere else for dinner ??? You are doing such a lot for this man and this is how he repays you and of course Simba will be picking up on your anxiety which won't help. You will work it out because you are a kind person. We are here so rant away xxx
Re: Stressful!! Oh how difficult for you I'm in the put Simba out of harms way for his own sake. He'd thank you for it if he could I'm quite firm with my in laws which they take very well and my sister-in-law isn't allowed to walk the dog. Not because she's a bad person but just because she wouldn't pay enough attention and I just don't want to have a difficult conversation if something goes wrong.
Re: Stressful!! I have to be firm with family and friends who want to feed Tatze crisps, biccies etc. It works - they don't dare!
Re: Stressful!! Thanks all, for your support and understanding. I agree, I need to be firmer with the man, I was feeling that way last night and mad at myself I didn't speak up more. I could tell him of Simba's collar problems, but honestly I don't see that it will make much headway with this fellow. He figures he knows how to deal with "misbehaving" dogs....very much a show him who's boss type attitude. I have had an issue from Day 1 with Simba in terms of shutting him away, simply because he spent a LOT of his time with his previous owner shut away in her room while she was gone as the rest of the household couldn't deal with his antics. So I wasn't going to do that to him here, I'm not sure how he would have reacted, other than it would not have been good, kongs or no kongs! But now, since almost a year has passed, I suppose I could try it with a bunch of kongs....he might be okay, just not sure. But he also might start whining and crying to get out, which I couldn't handle either. I guess I could start some trial desensitivity, like with crate training, to see how it goes. Thinking over this last night I did think of maybe taking the fellow out for supper instead of having him here... I like the idea of removing his collar but I think that might just mean the fellow is even more physical with him than he is now, which will not be good. Well, it's not like we have to see him every day or anything. I did tell my hubby after the fellow left that the way the guy treats Simba is really upsetting to me, Mark understands and I know he would step in if things got really out of hand but his threshold of tolerance is a little higher than mine. As always, I appreciate your comments. I need a place like this where I know people understand how I feel about these things, where I live, which is kinda "redneck" country, to be honest, most people think I'm way too soft when it comes to my dogs...sigh.... :-\
Re: Stressful!! hi i dont know what problems your friend has but if this was me i would not accept someone coming into my house and treating my dog like this no way has this person got any right to try and disipline your dog a lot of people on here are trying hard to train thier dogs and dont need people like him interfering just be firm and say that you will not tolerate him doing anything to your dog
Re: Stressful!! I had a male friend come to visit and I've seen how he treats his own dogs...also very rough with them (cause it gives them character) and I knew he would work Shadow up and over-excite her (she was only about 3 months old at the time.) He also believes in hitting dogs, he says that's the only way they learn. Before he even came in I told him that I am training her to be calm around guests and he must please just ignore her or only stroke her nicely on the head. I think he was so surprised at being told what to do that he listened! My plan B was to tell him that a Lab of that age has enough jaw strength to crush bone and that if he plays rough, she will too!
