Hi guys, I need some arbitration, please. My husband and I are at loggerheads about how to raise and train our puppy (a 19 week old labrador/springer spaniel/border collie mix). The training classes we've been going to, and a dog trainer friend all advise that we should not allow behaviours that we don't want to 'imprint'. So I am trying to set quite strict boundaries, e.g. using a house lead (to prevent her biting us/our clothes, counter surfing, etc.), not allowing her on the sofa (so she doesn't start to take ownership, and to protect her joints), using a long training line in the park (so she doesn't try to 'steal' children's balls, chase joggers, and to train recall). My husband disagrees with all this. For example he lets her play with his trainers, and disagrees when I argue that this will teach her that she can play with people's shoes. He lets her chew (some of) the furniture at home and disagrees when I argue that this will lead her to chew furniture elsewhere (she does try to chew tables in the pub). He doesn't like having her on the house line either, and lets her run free, off-lead in the park, even though he's come home freaked a couple of times when she's chased a jogger, or tried to steal a child's ball or found some food and not responded to his recall. He allows her to chew wood which splinters everywhere and play with small bits of plastic that she could swallow. He sees me as wanting him to 'torture' her with restrictions. Now matter how many times I quote sources/trainers, even training he's been to with me, he reverts to following his gut feelings which are to allow her as much freedom as possible. Recently we'd made some headway training her not to go on the sofa, but then her let her go on it for a day. The next two mornings she was on the sofa and when I said 'off', and tried to pull her off with the lead, she growled at me so fiercely I had to back off. I'm getting to my wits' end. We're in the process of booking a one-to-one consultation with a dog behaviourist for £250 but what's the point if my husband won't agree with anything she says? Does anyone here think he has a point? He thinks our puppy will just learn to behave better when she matures and there's no need to act like a sergeant major now. She is, to be fair, a lovely natured dog, and well behaved most of the time. Sorry for the long rant - any advice very much appreciated!
Hi @Shanti 1. Perhaps sit down and discuss what you want your dog to be able to do by a certain age. Accept the fact it will not happen if you dont teach the dog. Maturity just means you end up with strong delinquent. 2. Then have a discussion about how you are going to achieve 1.
Hi @Shanti please see the following thread https://thelabradorforum.com/threads/training-spouse-and-puppy.25247/
Well, you can tell your husband that I'm a trainer and behaviourist and I completely agree with you - not him This may result in divorce, if so I'm not responsible I can't really help you because - as you know - this isn't a dog training issue, but an interpersonal issue between you and your husband. All I can recommend, is doing more yourself and trying to let him have less contact with the puppy - so - you take her out more frequently. He may welcome this if he isn't totally into dog stuff - or he may resent it if it's something he wants to do... I am a control-freak and won't let my husband do almost anything with a puppy or young dog we have - but he does kind of take over the care of the older dogs once they retire, freeing me up to focus on the up-and-coming...
No expert here.... but something has to give, the only thing I know about dogs so far is consistency, and the problem you have is that you and your husband are obviously pokes apart in what you both want and think is correct. You are obviously clued up and have everything right, the only problem I see is that the more/less your husband wants to implement, the more you feel you have to, and then that leads to you getting frustrated and running round getting stressed out trying to stop every single unwanted behaviour. This is obviously stressful and confusing for everyone involved. I’m quite strict with buddy, but it isn’t the end of the world if he grabs a shoe for a minute, and the bottom line is that if he gets anything he shouldn’t it’s more our fault than his, he’s just still learning and wants to explore everything, so we have to minimise that. Clearly a proper conversation between you and your husband is needed as it will only serve to confuse your pup. Perhaps put together good reasons for doing what you are doing? Show him evidence etc? And then maybe you could come to a bit of a happy medium. As I say I’m no expert, hope some of that helps/makes sense, good luck!
we realised when visiting Kyko before we picked him up that the breeders found it funny when he chewed their daughters shoe & didn't try to stop him. We reinforced this when we got him home by allowing him a pair of our old slippers to chew on. We quickly realised that this probably wasn't the best idea & took them away as he picks up any shoes now. He's getting slightly better at leaving them alone now, although it's quite comical when he pinches them. He'll scuttle past so quickly & quietly while avoiding eye contact and straight into his crate or bed with them, hardest part is trying not to laugh while rescuing my expensive trainers from his mouth. All fun and games with a puppy I guess
I love what @leighxxxx says! I know we have to be strict and consistent but we mustn’t forget to have a fun and loving surrounding for our pups, buddy does so many things that I could stress about but I’d end up going crazy. Yes he can be naughty, but the trust and love we all have with him massively outweighs any of that!
wasn't so keen on his behaviour yesterday, he's just started the biting us stage (nothing major we've been incredibly lucky with him, he prefers a kiss than a nibble) & he decided to bite my hair & rip it out of the pony tail, cue me looking like I'd just stepped out of an 80's music video!
