Lost my darling boy

Discussion in 'Senior Labradors' started by Ashley2211, Apr 7, 2020.

  1. Ashley2211

    Ashley2211 Registered Users

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    Apr 7, 2020
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    This is my first post here and I wish I’d found this site sooner.
    On Thursday I lost my handsome chocolate boy Winston just shy of his 10th birthday. Finding it very hard to deal with as although senior, he did not act that way one bit.
    He had a large lump appear almost suddenly near his left shoulder. Seemed not to bother him but had our vet check it out as it was huge, looked like a dislocated shoulder.
    He received biopsy and anti inflammatory and was recovering well however the lump kept swelling up, particularly after exercise.
    After a few weeks this started to bother winston and the vet decided to try and drain fluid while he was sedated. During this procedure the vet took more biopsy’s which resulted in us finding he had a lipoma under the swelling.
    I was relieved it was not cancer however, after chatting with the vet, we decided to go ahead with surgical removal as some days he seemed fine but others he was whining with pain which wasn’t nice to see.
    Week leading up to the surgery he had an awful night where he cried in pain and I had to sleep on the floor with him. He had to be carried into the vet for medication. However more metacam seemed to work well and the days leading up to the surgery, he was leaping around like a puppy again. We still felt though that this needed to be removed as he was only pain free when medicated and even then, still cried a bit at night.
    He went into the vet happy on Thursday. Received the call to say surgery was done and he was coming round from the anaesthetic, however the lipoma had been attached to muscle meaning some of his shoulder muscle had to be removed and he would have a large scar.
    10 minutes later we received another call saying he was bleeding more than they were happy with so they were taking him back into surgery.
    The next phone call was a moment that I will never forget telling me they’d done all they could but my darling boy had slipped away.
    I feel like part of me is missing but I am also being eaten up with wondering whether surgery was right.
    I switch between being glad we did all we could for him and glad he did not have a long illness and suffer to then being devastated that my boy may have enjoyed a few more years with us. I also keep thinking that as he was 10, if he had come through that the recovery may have been difficult for him and I’m not sure he would have enjoyed senior years not being able to bound about like usual.
    All of his pre anaesthetic tests were fine but the week before surgery he did leave a few blood spots on the floor which I suspect came from his urine. This was checked, and also came back negative and it Only happened once. It makes me wonder if there were other problems going on that he was just showing no signs of.
    Sorry to ramble on, I just feel so heartbroken but so grateful that I got to have almost 10 years of fun and love from the best boy.
    Our vets were fantastic and showed so much care and compassion, they had grown fond of him over the years. Hard not to I just hope we did the right thing for him.
     
  2. sarah@forumHQ

    sarah@forumHQ Moderator

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    Hi Ashley, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry for your loss, Winston sounds like he was a wonderful character and friend. It's too easy to second guess yourself with hindsight, but everything you did was in his best interests based on the information you had at the time. Most importantly, he had 10 happy years with you. I absolutely think you did the right thing by him, and I hope that when the shock and grief subsides you'll be able to look back on the good times and enjoy the memories of them without worrying about that. Best wishes, Sarah.
     
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  3. SianMJ

    SianMJ Registered Users

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    South Wales UK
    It’s never easy loosing your dog, so sorry for your loss. They just don’t live long enough do they? Any surgery has some risk and we take those risks , whilst weighing up what’s best for the individual dog. Sounds like Winston was a great dog and that you did your best for him. All the best.
     
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  4. Ashley2211

    Ashley2211 Registered Users

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    Thank you. I know deep down we did make the right choice as he was in pain. We had to give him the chance to be pain free and hopefully as you say, down the line this feeling will fade and I’ll be left with happy memories which there are millions of!
     
  5. Mart

    Mart Registered Users

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    Feb 28, 2020
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    Hi Ash and welcome.

    It's so very very difficult, but as Sarah say's it's all too easy to second guess yourself afterwards. I did a lot of that after our lovely Black Dog Faye had to be put to sleep just after New Year. But on reflection, I wouldn't have done anything differently as deep down I know that we did the right thing.

    Seems that you were looking out for your boy and did what you and the vet thought was the right thing to do. I would say don't beat yourself up over it but you will anyway because that's what grief does to us.

    Be kind to yourself and take care, Mart.
     
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  6. pippa@labforumHQ

    pippa@labforumHQ Administrator

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    Hi Ashley and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been a dreadful shock for you, the surgery was clearly necessary, and you did the very best you could for him. x
     
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