Hi again. I just wanted to let you know that following the great advice received on my earlier post, there has been an improvement in the barking when out of his sight line. But, there has been a real regression in some of his other behaviours. He's now 12 weeks, and last night and this morning he refused to walk at all on his lead, something he had previously enjoyed a great deal. Similarly, no matter what game I try to engage him with, he's not interested in playing with me. All he will do is bark and jump and try to snap at my hands and face. I can't keep returning him to his pen or he won't get any exercise at all. As a result, come the end of the day he's full of energy and it's difficult to get him to settle for the night. I know that I'm suffering from puppy blues, but to me getting him is the biggest regret I've ever had. For four weeks I've had no life to speak of. Every day is just going from one phase of trying to engage with him to a couple of hours when he sleeps and then trying to cram in my work, housework, cooking etc. It's now reached the point where I'm typing this message with a lump in my stomach, dreading when he wakes up as another hour or so of futility because we just don't connect at all. I don't want to give him up, as I've made the commitment and want to give him a great life, but I'm at my wits end. I've lost the best part of a stone in four weeks as I have no appetite when feeling stressed. I know other people go through this, but for the life of me, I don't know how they manage! What am I doing wrong?
You aren't doing anything wrong. I felt just like you. I too stopped eating and lost a stone in a few weeks. I felt ill all the time and gave my DH a hard time really as I was so negative. My lowest point was taking my puppy out in the morning for a wee and passing out on the lawn. My DH found me with the puppy jumping all over me. It was very scary. He had to literally pick me up and carry me back in whilst dealing with the two dogs. Do you have any support? I hope so. My DH was brilliant and forum members really 'propped' me up for ages. All of a sudden the 'cloud' slowly lifts and your puppy will be different. Honestly.
Perhaps you are giving him too much attention? I don't remember playing with my puppies, just got them too excited. I did little bits of clicker training, little bits of heel training round the lawn, finding things like bits of kibble/biscuits, taking them out and just letting them sniff the grass verges, with a command of 'sniff', that really tires them out. I think puppies are too energetic in the evenings, the one thing I hated about having a puppy, however, by the time he is 6 months old, he will be sleeping at your feet.
Yes I can understand in some ways too! I felt like giving up my just turned 10 week old puppy up yesterday and other times before that. Maybe one thing to do is not feel you have to spend lots of time with your puppy and, maybe if you have a pen...while you are outside gardening or hanging washing or whatever he can have your company but not interaction. Puppies need or sleep 6-8 hours of sleep during the day (so I've read) so you don't need to be interacting all the time. Also maybe get a friend or someone to babysit and you go out and enjoy yourself or catch-up on housework while they babysit. Also I put my puppy to bed in her crate at or around 7pm .. I also read they sleep around or need 12hours during the night. Just to let you know you're not alone...
My OH, who has an incredibly stressful job, is taking it all in her stride. I just seem to be unable to cope as well. I've explained how I feel and I'm sure she understands, but at the end of the day the puppy is what is causing the stress and he's not going anywhere, nor do I want him to.
So sorry that you`re having such a rough time , but you aren't alone in this . One thing I can say, for certain, is that our dogs/pups do definitely pick up on our stress/upset/despair . I remember with my lad who is now six years old , a time when I thought he would never walk well on his lead, never stop pulling, never stop flying off to see other dogs and people . Then , I stopped worrying and stressing over it , stopped giving him all my attention and he visibly relaxed too and our bond strengthened . Its hard I know , and I don't want to sound glib , but it does get better, honestly it does .
Thanks Stacia. My first ever post was on the subject of too much supervision / attention. The general feeling I got from the responses was that two hours of sleep followed by an hours play was about right. I just find filling that hour really difficult as he won't play at all. We can do training, but my gut feeling is that he only participates because food is involved. Once an hour is up, I feel guilty about returning him to his pen, because he's not done enough exercise to feel tired, and if I leave him there and go to a different room he starts barking. A neighbour has already passed comment that when he can hear the barking, he thinks the puppy is distressed, which obviously makes me feel wonderful. Should I feel so bad about returning him to his pen when he's not going to sleep and leave him to play with his toys on his own?
@Hoosier I too lost a stone in weight when my girl arrived. I did bond with her straight away but still found it so tough. I think Kate ( @kateincornwall ) has hit the nail on the head. I found that once I relaxed and stopped stressing over everything little detail things improved. She is 2 1/2 now and I'm so super proud of her. The one thing she'd taught me is I'm a perfectionist and really in my world that's not useful. Hold on in their with your little pup, keep using the forum and you'll get there. Sending hugs
I have had 3 dogs, all were adults when they came to us. I have nothing but admiration of anyone who takes on a puppy. It must be exhausting. Also, admiration for those who come out and say "it's tough". You're doing really great, @Hoosier , you just need some rest yourself. Pop in in his pen and have a cuppa. Regarding excercise - I don't think he necessarily needs physical exercise to tire him - mental excercise will wear him out much more. Don't feel under pressure to give him 1 hour straight of play! Give him 2 or 3 minutes of training. Puppy owners here will be able to make suggestions of the sort of training you can be doing now.
If you have a car, why not take your puppy for a short drive, then carry him to a bench and watch the world go by. I think you'll find he'll be interested in seeing new things and people are bound to stop to coo over him. Or just do things in the house or garden that don't need a lot of concentration and that you can break off from every few minutes. I did a lot of gardening when Molly was small. I decided I wasn't going to worry about some plants being chewed, and she used to skip along beside me and 'help' carry stuff to the compost heap. I'd have the odd game of chase the broom or throw an empty plastic flowerpot for her to chase but a lot of the time she was just alongside me. I also hoovered with her with me and she's never been scared of it. When cooking I think we ate a lot of casseroles (I wouldn't try a soufflé with a puppy at my feet) -but I tossed her the odd bit of carrot and if I had to pause in the cooking it didn't matter. Puppies are tiring (a bit like toddlers) but they do grow up quickly.
Sounds to me like he is playing. He's just playing his way and the way he learned to play with his litter mates. You have to teach him how to play your way or no play. Soon he will learn that if he wants to play then he must learn how to play with a human or he gets nothing. It's frustrating but they learn fast. Have you tried putting a rope toy in his mouth when he comes at you and playing a bit of tug ? You can use your other hand to pet and rub his paws and ear and belly and tail to get him used to being touched at the same time. He will come around.
You're not alone @Hoosier, I felt exactly the same and remember dreading my pup waking up coz it meant 'the crazies' would start. I lost weight, was exhausted, unhappy, resentful and regretful. Things started to change around the 4 month mark, small changes that made a difference and it got cumulatively better, not brilliant but bearable, then doable, then enjoyable. So sorry it's tough for you. Maybe you're doing enough stressing for you and your OH so she doesn't have to get stressed. Hang on in there and keep coming here when you need to.
Hang in there Hoosier, there were quite a few days were I felt a ton of regret in the beginning and thought I was kissing my life good bye as I knew it. It definitely takes a little while to adjust to the routine as you lose a lot of the freedom and ability to be spontaneous and make last second plans. This really hit me when I had to repeatedly turn down friends because I had to watch Koda and didn't have any babysitting options. As for some of your concerns about playing I felt the same way with Koda who is now 13 weeks. she does many of the same things from time to time. At first it was frustrating but then I hit the wall and just focused on trying to have fun with her... So when she refuses to walk on lead I just take her off and let her play in the backyard or lounge. When she gets jumpy and nippy I either get her interested in her toys and throw them which she loves to chase or give her a kong or twizzy to chew on... and If all else fails I get her to chase me with a toy and give it to her when she catches (I'm sure this is frowned on, but its better than chasing her right . The biggest thing I keep leaning back on is the advice from many of the people on here to just relax and really enjoy the moment. Just know its very normal what you're feeling and that you have a bunch of support on here form people who have been through or are going through the same things right now.
Well, I certainly didn't play with my puppies for an hour! They tended to put themselves to sleep in the crate and slept a lot in the beginning. I think I lived my life around the puppy, i.e. he fitted in with what I was doing, I tended to by more like @Joy but I did do little bits of clicker training.
If you don't mind me asking, what did you do with your puppy when you weren't playing with him? At the moment I really worry that I'm being cruel if I put him in his pen and leave him to his own devices. I'm having such a problem with the time issue. For example, if I play with him outside, and pause to sit down, he won't/can't do anything by himself. He'll try to jump on me, and if I say no, he will start to dig holes in the lawn or something similar that he knows he's been previously told 'no' to. That means I have to then distract him with a toy, and the play then continues which is a win for him. If I don't play with him and return him to his pen, I feel guilty that he's spending too much time alone in there. I try to exercise him physically which wears me out because he seems to be some form of perpetual motion machine, and I try to exercise him physically with training, but the treat training seems to exceed his daily food allowance. I'm clearly getting the balance wrong, but nothing I've read anywhere seems to fit the issues I'm facing.
I think the puppy just followed me around, but I certainly didn't do any structured play. He would pick up things and bring them to me which I would take and tell him he was clever. I gave him things to chew. He had empty small plastic water bottles which he loved to bat about and make a crockle noise with it. have heard that one good thing to keep them amused is to get a cardboard box, fill it with scrunched newspaper and hide a few treats in there for them to find. Puppies do need time on their own as in the future you will need to leave him alone when you go out. Have you introduced him to Kongs yet? Just pop him in his crate with a Kong and leave him for a while. Treat training is done with his daily ration. You can teach him to follow you in the garden with treats and so many things and using their brain wears them out. I took mine out in the car, took him to a child's playing field, to the shops. I haven't quite answered your question about you feeling cruel if you leave him. I am just saying you don't have to spend that hour playing, he can amuse himself as above. You need to train time for him to be alone. Puppies are at their worst in the evening! All this will soon pass and you will forget
Hi, another voice that is just saying it will get better. I think when Bailey was very young I played with him for about five minutes, then he would get over excited and very bitey. So I would swap to some simple training for a few minutes, then a game of tuggy, then a bit more training etc - however, I didn't time anything and nothing was structured. I also made sure Bailey was safe and left him to "play" with his toys on his own - he used to toddle along behind either me or my OH to see what we were doing and to "help". So long as he was not up to anything dangerous I pretty much left him to it. Evenings were a bit of a nightmare with the puppy crazies and he was at his crocopup worst. Literally could not play with him at all - that's when the tuggy toy got used until teeth came into contact with skin, then the game would stop and I would ignore him for a moment or two, then gently restart the tuggy game. Bailey has never liked kongs, just too damn lazy to work at them I think, however an empty plastic bottle with the top removed and a few bits of kibble in it (literally about 4 pieces) would keep him entertained for about 20 mins until he had either wrecked the bottle and got the kibble out, or the kibble came out and he had eaten it. Another good game I found was with an old clean muffin tin, I put a few pieces of kibble into the bottom of each indentation and covered it with a tennis ball - watching the dilemma for Bailey - play with the ball or eat the food - was quite comical! I still do this occasionally, however, now he has treats or small pieces of cheese in them - I also don't put it in all the holes now. Used to take him a good 10 mins to empty the tin as after each one he would chase the ball. Hope some of these help, regarding feeling cruel if you leave him in his pen I don't think you are, puppies do need to learn to play by themselves. Are you in the same room with him when he's in his pen? So long as your pup has regular interaction with you and you socialise him well I think in a few months you will have a chilled loyal companion (not the finished article but certainly better than now). Sorry I have rambled on - Good luck and if you need a rant or some sympathy just post away
I'm so excited to read that things start to change around the 4 month mark! I'm not quite so at my wits end and I'm not giving up and don't want to give up but it's so hard and discouraging at times so I totally get what Hoosier is going through. When my pup gets tired and falls asleep on my feet, I am reminded how amazing and wonderful she will be when she gets through this hard stage. That's what keeps me going. And all of us one day hopefully many, many years from now will be wishing for more time with our beloved pets. I know this from the experience of losing my dogs to old age in the past. So those are the things I try to remember while it's SO hard in this puppy stage. Hang in there Hoosier! Try very hard to enjoy the sweet moments even if they aren't many right now. They will come!
Oh my goodness this is what we are going through too! Obviously this is normal puppy behavior but yes it's hard. Following your post!
