....but it's hard! Fern passed away the week before last as some of you will know and were so kind to me at the time. I am struggling to cope to be honest but hubby is insisting another pup will help. I understand where he's coming from but I'm worried. Many years ago I lost my special springer boy after 14 years and we got a year old girl as we have always been used to more than one dog in the house. I resented her so much at first and it was so difficult for me to accept her because she wasn't my Sam. She, daisy, turned out to be one of the most amazing dogs we ever had and I still miss her after 2 years but it took a good 6 months for me to love her. I am a mess about it and just trying to be honest and wondering if others have felt the same? Fern was a special young lady, so clever and bright and loving. I guess my puppy mum instincts will kick in! Sorry for off loading no again!
Off load as much as you like, we're listening. Of course you still feel devastated about losing Fern, and still so very, very sad. I suppose different people are ready for another dog at different times, and I completely 'get' the reluctance to feel like a new dog is a 'replacement' or are there instead of the dog you have lost. It can feel like that, but that isn't really the case. Each dog is a very special, unique dog in its own right, and nothing will replace Fern, she has her own place in your heart.
Don't be sorry, we're all here for you and can understand how you're feeling. We're all so different so no-one can tell you when is the right time. I would say don't be pressurised by anyone else and wait until you feel ready, because you know just how tiring those first few weeks are, and how you can end up emotional and sleep-deprived. That on top of your current pain might be too much for you to stand. Or, it might be the thing that helps you through your grief. No dog will replace Fern, that's for sure. Each dog you own takes a different place in your heart, and they help your heart grow to fit them all in. All puppies are so different, and I think you have to be consider the worst case scenario - a puppy that won't settle at night, that finds toilet training hard, isn't as quick to pick up other training etc etc. Would you be able to cope with that emotionally at the moment, or would you get overly frustrated with how the new pup fell short compared to Fern?
It's such a short time since you lost little Fern and o course you are grieving, it's only natural. As Julie says each dog is an individual and not a replacement for Fern, but at the moment your heart is too sore to make room for another dog but you will know when you're ready. In the meantime take your time and allow yourself to grieve and you will soon be happy to welcome another puppy into your heart
Don't be sorry to offload on here, you are going through a very difficult time. I can't add to the advice already given and for sure another puppy would never take Fern's or Sam's place, ever. They both have their own special places in your heart and always will. The right time will be whenever you choose. My heart goes out to you and your family.
As others have said , please don't apologise , pouring out your emotions is a good thing to do, its a release . People differ so much , some need to have another dog in their lives quickly whilst others need time . Please don't feel guilty or disloyal to Fern , its quite the opposite , that Fern was so loved that you are passing on that love to another little soul . Your love for Fern will always be there , but like Mums of human babies, we have enough love to go around all our children x
You're right - your instincts will kick in when you're ready. Don't worry about off-loading - we've all been through similar times, so appreciate how devastated you feel. For many years now we've had two (and sometimes three) dogs, at first by accident, but then partly because they are good company for each other and partly in an attempt to lessen the awful void when we lost one. Each dog has always held a special place in our hearts, each dog has had its own character, so it's been impossible to 'replace' them. We haven't only had labs, but our first lab, Penny, was special in her own way, partly because she was the first very young puppy we had had and partly because we sadly lost her to cancer when she was only seven, whereas our other dogs have lived until they have been between 13 and 17. We avoided having a lab for a long time after that, but eventually bought Wispa (now four - and yellow, whereas Penny was black), then Tuppence, now two and a black lab, but very different in build and temperament to Penny. We even felt ready to call her 'Tuppence', as our second black lab - but it's taken years to be ready for that. Everything takes its own time and you will know when the right time has come.
Oh I completely understand Marge. Any of us who has lost a much-loved dog does. Follow your heart - when you are ready then you will know what to do.
My heart goes out to you, what an incredibly painful time you are going through, whatever you do will be the right decision.
My Collie/Springer died from cancer and ten days later I bought a German Pointer, the breeder had been in the vet's waiting room buying some medication and when she went out, the receptionist said the fatal words "she has a lovely litter of Chocolate Pointers! To begin with I hated her, she was a handful and had the the attitude "that ve do vot ve vont" but eventually I loved her to distraction and she was a superb dog, she certainly helped with the heartbreak of losing Gemma. As someone said, I am not replacing my dog in my heart with a new one, just creating a new space.
you will know when you have the right space in you lives and you hearts for another dog. Fern will never be replaced, she remains forever in your heart, any new pup will slide in along side her when the time is right.
So sorry you lost your lovely Fern. I am sure you will know when the time is right for you to share your heart with another puppy. xx
Thank you all for your wise words. I'm so glad I found this forum, you've been such a support to me. Xx
Oh bless you, it is so incredibly difficult. Definitely follow your heart never be sorry. Everyone is different, there really is no right or wrong. My youngest who lives at home lost his boy at the age of 5, we shared the special life of his black lab for 3 years as he had arrived from the dogs trust. He was adamant that he would never have another dog and 3 years later he hasn't. So 2 years later we collected my gorgeous girl with his blessing. For 6 months he didn't so much as look at her but now he loves her too bits but he said nothing has changed he won't have another dog. Mabel has never replaced Harvey as Fern will never be replaced. She will always be there walking silently by your side and in your heart. Sending you a big virtual hug. X
I've always been one to get another dog very quickly, my home is just too quiet and empty without one or two canines needing fuss and attention, plus they get you out and about every day. I have found that I can't 'replace' like with like and have gone, in all cases with a different breed or colour, always gundogs though. People are very different, talk to your hubby and come to a decision that's right for you both. x
Hi Marge, I know exactly how you feel after losing my last one on the right and its taken me personally almost a year now to look for another Lab pup. During this time period my wife had been pushing me to have another but as I say its only now I am ready and looking forward to it. Before it was a complete no no and if this is the case for you at this time then take time out as like myself you have to be in the right frame of mind knowing that raising a pup is and can be hard work and as such you need strength of mind. You will know when you are ready and you alone so take your time. Mick
