One of my friends (mother to my godchildren) has never been keen on dogs. She tolerates Harley, but I have to intervene when her kids go OTT and get Harley too excited, or they grab her constantly so I intervene to stop anything happening. My friend has a similar condition to me, but is forever complaining that she can't walk far, has her kids run around after her and gets just about every benefit she can and honestly screws the system . She says she can't walk far but went on a 5 hour shopping trip the other day, then went to London for two days where she boasted about walking over 10 miles a day! I know there are people who need the benefit system for reasons, but she really takes the Mickey. Anyway, today she has gone and got a 3 year old rescue cocker spaniel. She had a homecheck yesterday! The photos I have seen so far are all of the kids cuddling him and all over him. He looks stressed! She has already told me that he will get walked by the kids as she won't be doing it! She has come on 3 walks with me and Harley, but turned back after 10 mins as she needed to sit down. She hasn't researched the breed and said its ok coz the kids chose him they can deal with him. She has a 16 year old boy who has additional needs, a 13 year old son who she constantly shouts at for no reason, an 11 year old girl who does everything around the house, and a 2 year old girl who, when at my house throws things at Harley. She has already left the 2 year old alone in the room with him and said its ok as he follows her around!! I can see this all going wrong for the poor dog . She said her homecheck was to make sure her garden was safe - which it is, and that someone is home during the day, which she is. She said that was all they were interested in!! She only contacted the rescue on Thursday and collected him today. I really am concerned for the dog, and for the kids. I have tried talking to her after reading up a bit on the breed but she keeps saying 'it's fine, the kids love him,'. Any suggestions??
Eeeek!!! I think that all you can do is to try to give her some good information. Perhaps email her (and the kids if you have their emails) some of the articles from the main site here, on kids and dogs. Or RSPCA or the like articles on bringing a rescue dog into a new home. The kids smothering the dog would be my main worry - at the end of that road is a bite, which I'm sure is what is worrying you too.
hmm...ah, well....you don't sound as though you like her very much....so she is maybe in your life rather than a real friend perhaps? So do you have a strong relationship with her in order to offer advice? I think this matters in terms of what to do. If you do have a strong friendship, it might be strong enough to sit her down and gently go through what might all go wrong here, suggest that she has to get the kids to interact with the dog in a different way, and offer further reading - and with a bit of luck, she might take it on board. If you don't have anything like that kind of relationship, and she would see suggestions more as interference, then you might have to be a bit more crafty to help the dog. Can you get her along to a training class? Or socialisation class? Any place really where she might be exposed to information about how to bring up a dog? I think that people take advice from people that they are prepared to hear it from, and the smallest thing can influence people in resisting all advice from someone, or accepting all advice from someone. It's a bit random, I think...but it's a good starting point to consider when you want to give advice and have someone hear it. If things evolve such that you are worried for the safety of the dog or kids, then you might find yourself in the position of making a phone call to the rescue. Which would be a very tricky place to be.... On the up side, lots of dogs seem to manage, and be reasonably happy, in homes where the kids hug them, and they have a far from ideal exercise and training regime, and they seem to get by ok...
Oh dear , not good Ternaya . I am very surprised that a rescue ( a reputable one ) would rehome with a 2 year old, most are very strict about rehoming with children and impose a rule of children over the age of 8 . I truly don't think there is much you can do practically , just try and encourage her to think hard about the consequences of having this dog , and , if you can do, offer to be there for advice and support , a tough place for you to be in
Oh dear. For your own peace of mind I would write the same concerns down (letter not email, emails are easy to ignore) and send them to the rescue and the RSPCA. At least then, if anything happened, you wouldn't feel as if you could have done more. Poor dog
Oh, this is sad. I know it's not your responsibility, but could you offer to go on a walk with the new dog and the kids (at least the two middles ones?) and chat to them about what bringing a dog up entails? At 11 and 13, they should be able to understand what is acceptable and the potential consequences, and you could encourage them to ensure the 2-year-old is properly supervised. It sounds like the girl has a lot on her shoulders already, but kids generally like to be made to feel important and in a position of responsibility, so this might help?
Oh dear...what a situation to be in, really feel for you. Spotted one of those photos, and can really see where you are coming from, the dog looks very uncomfortable. Do you have good relationship? Will she listen to you, or do you think the children will? I agree with you, and my primary concerns would be the fact she has left the dog alone with a very young child, especially at such an early stage in the re homing process when the dog can be naturally unsure and really needs to feel safe. Something needs to be said, and if you can engage her all the better...or maybe point her in the direction of a behaviourist to give them some neutral support without jeopardising your relationship with her. Hope it all goes well, very surprised at the rescue though...I guess enclosed garden, someone at home all day ticks a lot of boxes...
Oh what a difficult position for you. Is it possible to engage and walk with the children to give them some guidance on the care and training of the dog? I think it is totally irresponsible to leave the care of the dog entirely in the hands of children aged 2 - 16 with no parental control or responsibility. Could you write to the rescue centre regarding your concerns? I'm very surprised at the centre happily allowing an adoption based upon a secure garden (important agreed) and that someone is home (again important but we all go out during the day even if at home all day!) without assessing the rest of the family circumstances together with their knowledge and experience of the care and training of dogs. I like the idea of behaviourist but if mum is leaving all the care to the children and thinks that's fine, what is the chance of them joining a training class let alone engage with a behaviourist .....
I agree with Boogie and MaccieD: contact the Rescue place with your concerns before there's a disaster. Poor you, you must be worried on lots of levels. Do something today. Sorry this has happened - grrr
Thank you all for your advice. I'm going to arrange to go out for a walk with the Middle 2 children and chat to them - they will listen as I have a really good relationship with them. I'm going to find out more about which rescue centre he came from and try to get more info on them. Unfortunately, my friend won't listen to me or anyone - she is someone who always knows best and won't take advice. We grew up together when we were younger and I distanced myself after she had her children as I didn't like how she speaks to her children or how she was with them. I stay in touch as I adore the children and have a very positive relationship with all of them. Thank you again
I really feel for you, I can't add anything else as you've been given such good advice. I wish you the very best in a difficult situation. X
I feel that you might be a little over worried. Though there are many factors in the given situation which can go very wrong, as the pup has already been taken in by them, you can just wait and see how it goes. Just have some patience and hope for the best. ))) Cheers!
That sounds a good way forward. It could be a good means of maintaining the special relationship you have with them. It's important for them to realise the safety issues with their younger sibling too. Perhaps your friend had secretly hoped that you would do all the work?!
Update - After several conversations it works out that she brought the dog off the internet. He is 3 years old and was constantly fighting with their other dog since day 1 (the other dog is 7), so they decided to rehome the youngest one! (Unsure why they waited 3 years!) Apparently the previous owners told her that he is good with children and can be left in a room with a baby and not react at all - so she thinks it's ok to do this no matter what I say . I have spoken to the 10 year old girl and she is making sure the toddler isn't left alone in the room with him when she is home. The 2 Middle children have been really good at listening to me and are trying really hard to train him but also not be all over him . Unfortunately all of this week, the older children hasve been away with their dad. My friend text me asking for advice on lead walking as he pulls. She said she has walked to the shops and back each day to get him out - the shops are literally 3 mins walk away from her house! I did say that he needed a lot more exercise than that, but she wouldn't listen - keeps saying he's ok. I emailed her some of the links from here and was honest about the fact that I wasn't the best person to ask due to the problems I have had with Harley on lead! I started by suggesting that she stop every time he pulls. She said she's been doing that for a few days but it's not working. I told her it will take a while before he gets it but she needs to be consistent to which she said she didn't have time for that so I did suggest a harness or head collar - well, that didn't go down well - she said he will learn if he doesn't want to choke himself. He has been left home alone for 2 full days last week (9am-6pm) as they all went on a few day trips! Again she said that he's fine as the previous owner said he can be left all day!! I am meeting them all for a walk this Saturday so am hoping to make an impact with all of them on caring for a dog. I just really feel that once the novelty of having a dog wears off for the kids that he will be rehomed or taken to a rescue . This has already happened with 2 previous cats!
Sounds like you are doing a lot more than most and have made reasonable inroads with the kids. I guess it's just chipping away and your example is setting a good standard. I bet you are so frustrated though.
Naya how frustrating for you and how awful for the dog. You are working so hard at helping this family I also fear that he may end up being re-homed once the kids get fed up. They may not though with your guidance it may make all the difference in the world.
keeping everything crossed for a positive outcome for both the dog & the children. Your intervention may have averted a terrible incident. So frustrating for you to be so near the situation.
I feel that it is more than likely that he will end up being re-homed, particularly after the children are back at school , particularly with the history of 2 cats being re-homed. Such a sad situation.
So sorry this is causing you so much stress you are doing everything you can. This happens so often I'm just so sad for the dog.
