I am in a terrible situation and I have no idea what to do for the best. We have just got a beautiful female lab who is now 9 weeks old. I was aware before we got her that is was not going to be easy but I am really struggling. Before I get comments telling me how stupid I have been, please be aware I have never felt worse than I do now, I know exactly how stupid I have been, I am not here to be told that, I am looking for answers to help me. I work full time in a very stressful and busy job, I cannot take holidays when I want. My partner works away for 2 weeks at a time and 2 weeks at home. In my head it was going to work out perfectly getting a pup. I know lots of couples who have a dog who both work full time, without one of them being home for a full 2 weeks every month. Anyway puppies became available and thinking we were going to miss out on them I insisted we got ours on the Friday before my partner leaves for work on the Sunday. The first 2 days were stressful and the last 2 days we were having the chance to spend time together before he went away were spent with one of us entertaining the dog while the other cooked, cleaned etc. We parted feeling upset we hadn’t got to spend any time together on his last few days home. I felt having a puppy would keep me company while my partner was at work. But I have ended up just feeling a horrible, guilty mess. My work were very kind in allowing me extra time at lunch to come home and spend an hour with her and on the days this was not possible my sister managed to come out for a few hours but I feel I am not giving the puppy the best life. I am constantly reading online that I shouldn’t be working full time and having a puppy, it’s cruel. Unfortunately, I have to work, it seems everything I read is about people who do not have to work having dogs and I’m a terrible owner. On top of this I am sleep deprived because I am trying to make up for not seeing her much throughout the day by getting up very early to spend time with her, I can barely sleep at night for worrying about her and I cannot focus at work which I need to sort out as my job comes with too many responsibilities not to be giving it my full attention. On top of this, my partner’s daughter does not want to come and stay anymore as she is scared of the puppy and no matter how much persuasion we have given her she will not budge. With my partner working away half of the month he cannot wait to come home to spend time with both of us, we can’t lose the time spent with his daughter. We try to take her for days away every weekend while he is at home but with none of our family being dog lovers, no one will take care of the puppy for us and we can’t leave her on her own all day. We live in a rented house and although she has a crate and we have restricted her to staying in the kitchen she has still managed to rip the lino and chew the plaster board. To make matters worse I completely adore the puppy which is why I am racked with guilt about everything. I need helpful answers please, I am aware I have been irresponsible, stupid and selfish, this fact is torturing me everyday. :-[ :-[ :-[
Re: Serious help needed please! Such a lot of stress for you all I don't really have any answers as I know just how time consuming puppies are. I am sure you will get some good suggestions here.
Re: Serious help needed please! Puppies are very stressful the first few weeks until it all settles down. It does sound as if you are very stressed and I don't think it would be any failure on your part to send the pup back to the breeder, in fact it would be very strong of you. You have too many things against having a puppy at the moment, not least your husband's daughter being afraid. There is always the future to try again. I do feel for you x
Re: Serious help needed please! It must have taken a lot of courage to post that. You say work have been kind in letting you come home for lunch, but you are entitled to a break - is this not something you could do everyday when your partner is away? Could your sister pop in for an hour at another time so you are breaking the day up into smaller chunks? Also, are there any dog walkers nearby, some will come and spend time feeding/playing with dogs as well as walking them. My two always sleep for most of the morning, they have breakfast at 6.30am, rest, then have a manic 1-1.5 hours and they crash until lunchtime. This is the time we leave them the longest, as they are asleep anyway. Does your girl have a pattern like that you could work around? With regards to your partners daughter, can't you take the pup to meet her, i'm sure she will feel differently if she meets her, labs are adorable! Once your puppy has had her jabs, you could look at doggy day care for the weeks your partner is away, even for half days to start with? i have a really good one locally who i may start to send my boys to a couple of times a week through the winter when they can't play out as much as they do now (we will walk them every morning and night, but they love being outside and pottering round the garden together), she charges £10 a day per dog. The alternative would be if you feel you can't keep her, to send her back to the breeder, which would be better sooner rather than later. I really do feel for you, it's easy to be wise after the event, but as you say you are in this situation now. I hope you are able to sort things out for yours and your puppy's sake. Try not to worry, and enjoy the time you spend with her xx
Re: Serious help needed please! Sorry you're feeling so miserable. Even people who plan long and carefully for a puppy sometimes have moments of feeling, 'OMG what have I done?' because puppies are very demanding. In your situation, I think you would have to look for doggie day care for your puppy. I don't know where in the world you are, but in my part of the UK there are some very nice home-based dog carers who charge £15 a day. You would also have to accept that a puppy is somewhat like a baby - your relationship with your partner is never going to be quite the same because the puppy's needs must come first. When your partner is home for 2 weeks he would also need to be prepared to take care of the pup. I think the real sticking point however is your partner's daughter. Many people successfully combine families and dogs, but Lab puppies tend to be very bitey while little and although they grow out of it, it's not the best introduction for a child who is nervous of dogs. You also have the issue of not being able to go away easily with your partner's daughter. All in all, I'd say don't be hard on yourself for making an impulsive decision (I'm sure most of us have done that) but do think seriously about asking the breeder to take the puppy back. At this stage, the puppy can go to another home where they will have time for her - and in a few years your circumstances may well be different enough so that you can have a dog.
Re: Serious help needed please! I have to start by saying "what's done is done" and don't beat yourself up about it. You are clearly a caring person, because you have sought out this Forum and asked for help. I'll put my hands up to being totally unprepared for how much disruption a puppy will cause, and I've had dogs before. So you have my sympathy, not my condemnation. I am fortunate that I am retired, so I have been able to devote a lot of time to Molly. However, I do have a life and a family who have needed my help and support, so it hasn't all been plain sailing (when is life). I understand that you thought the puppy would be company when your partner was working away and that will become true. But it will take quite a while. Perhaps it would be best for the puppy for you to return it to the breeder before you both get too attached. The sooner you do it the better for the puppy in that it will be easier to place. I have given you my honest opinion, which is what I thought you wanted. If I misread you I apologise. Whatever you decided on Best Wishes and let us know what you do.
Re: Serious help needed please! Hello, there I agree it took a lot of courage for you to write that, and no-one here is going to berate you - you are in a fix, and trying to get out of that fix. Some of these things - lack of sleep, kids getting used to puppies etc - are just part of a new puppy, and most just go away over time. The other things are more serious. It seems to me that you either need to be able to provide care for your puppy through the day (day care, puppy service, dog walk pop in service) - so you know that she is cared for, socialised and entertained, which will take the pressure off you and the need to split your attention between puppy and demanding job - or you return, or give up, your puppy. This is a hugely difficult decision for you. You already love that pup. :'( But don't delay - a cute, young pup usually has no trouble finding a new home, and if you are going to give her up, the sooner the better so she can settle in with a new family. Best wishes to you, I hope it works out.
Re: Serious help needed please! Thank you all so much for your kind responses, doggie day care is definately something I had been looking into but she doesn't get her second jag for another few weeks unfortunately. My partner's daughter has met the pup.... she was partly the reason we got the puppy because we felt it would be nice for her to grow up with a pet. She was so excited about getting her and came with us to collect and choose her, she then stayed with us for the first few nights the puppy was home and as the puppy settled in she began getting bitey and then my partner's daughter would not come out of her bedroom with the door shut for the remainder of her time with us. We tried to get her to come through when the puppy was calm or when we were practising getting her to sit etc but she just refused and is now saying she doesn't want to come back :'( also I feel my relationship with his daughter will suffer... we have always had a great bond but if she does end up coming and does not want to spend time with the puppy then my partner will have to spend time with her in her room while I watch the puppy. I just feel like I am in a no win situation, as soon as I held the puppy I fell in love with her, it would break my heart to give her up but on the other hand if she stays I am maybe not giving her the best life she should be getting, and my relationships with both my partner and his daughter could suffer. I know that's something only I can work out but I really do feel lost :'( x
Re: Serious help needed please! Try your local dog walker - sometimes they will pop in a play with a puppy for an hour or so just as well as they'll take your dog for a walk. The puppy biting behaviour will stop - this is a short term thing. Yes, your pup might have to spend some quiet time in a crate with lots of kongs when there are kids around, but this won't last forever. Puppies stop biting, and kids get used to them. I would try to look at how things are likely to pan out over the longer term, rather than focus on the short term difficulties. Although, it is very important to give your pup the best start - perhaps things like whether you have time to be doing enough socialisation etc are more important than whether a child needs a bit of time to get used to the puppy. I know you say you can't take time off work whenever you want, but could you get just a few days? Just to get yourself on an even keel, and make the decision once you've had time to get some sleep and think things through. And perhaps put more arrangements in place for puppy care during the day?
Re: Serious help needed please! Sorry to hear about all the problems you are having. A lot of people on here work full time so you are not alone with that. Prior to the second jab, a dog walker will come to your house and play with your pup, sometimes for half hour twice a day. This really would take a lot of pressure off. As for your partners daughter......my problem was my mum who is petrified of dogs.....she refused to come to my house as soon as I got Harley. After a few months, my mum did come to my house and I put Harley on a long line so I could ensure she wasn't jumping up. It took several visits, my mum is still a bit wary, but she now smooths Harley and has got her to sit and get paw. This is massive to us knowing how bad my mum is with dogs. It is very much you needing to be in control of the dog. Maybe you could go to parks/on walks with your partners daughter as the pup will be distracted by the environment? Good luck in whatever you do
Re: Serious help needed please! I'm sure you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. Rest assured that that is normal Try not to think of all the worst case scenarios Things usually never turn out anywhere near like we fear they might. Do you have any actual evidence that your puppy is unhappy? Or are you just fearing that she might be. Try to focus on actual facts, not worrying scenarios that you're repeating in your mind at 2am Instead, do some research about dog minding and training classes and think about options like time off, popping home during the day, enlisting a neighbour's help, finding another young pup for play dates... I would definitely recommend exploring the options in your local area. Think realistically about the time and costs and work out what you can afford. Me and my hubby work full time and we make use of day care and dog walkers. It's been invaluable. We are not bad owners for working and having a dog - and neither are you. The dog we have is our second dog, so we've had Labradors and worked full time for 15 years and we have had no dramas. It's also important that you get enough sleep so you can function. Maybe you don't need to get up so early. Try getting up later tomorrow. It is hard to feel relaxed and positive about anything when you're not sleeping enough....
Re: Serious help needed please! I will try and locate a dog walker in the area although I'm not sure if there are any. I know the puppy will stop biting and my partner's daughter will eventually come round to her but it's more to do with the fact that my partner works away and every time he is home if she does not want to come to the house that's another month gone by he is missing out on time with her. Unfortunately I only have weekends off, yesterday I felt a bit more positive about things because I had the day off to spend with the pup but woke up this morning with the dread of having to be back at work for 5 days again starting tomorrow and panic set in and lead me here. I think everything has also been heightened with the fact we have not seen or heard from our landlord since we moved into the house and we received a call telling us he is coming this week to check the house... typically the week after we get a puppy so I'm a bit at my wits end at that. My partner and I agreed when getting the puppy if she ruined anything in the house we would replace and fix before we moved out but we will not have enough time to do so before the landlord comes round this week to check. How old do dogs have to be to go into day care, reading lots of info online everything seems to differ, some saying 12 weeks is far too young others saying the sooner the better? Could anyone also tell me realistically what time would be ok to get up at? I need to leave for work at 8.15am and have been getting up at 5am every morning. Again, thank you so much for all the helpful comments, as I said before none of my family are keen on dogs so telling them I was just getting the usual "told you so" and "it's your own fault" x As you can probably tell I am a first time dog owner and have been trying to read up on as much as I can but so much information differs x
Re: Serious help needed please! a 9 week old pup needs toilet breaks far more often than someone going in at lunchtime if you leave pup in a crate for long periods it will wee and poo in there as it can not go anywhere else then it will not care and will be hard to house train a pup that young needs constant supervision what happens if the landlord is not happy to have a dog in the property that is a major reason for a lot of dogs being rehomed i feel for you but would say that it may be better for the pup if it went back to the breeder and get a dog when things are easier fopr you
Re: Serious help needed please! It does not stay in the crate while I am working, it stays in a sectioned off part of the kitchen where the back door is and puppy pads are placed there where it knows to do the toilet and when I am home it goes outside, I am not concerned about toilet training as she has only had one accident on the night of her arrival. Also we did not get a puppy knowing that we were not allowed pets. We are allowed pets in the house it is just the fact he is coming to check the house straight after we have got her when the house is obviously not looking it's best.
Re: Serious help needed please! I do feel for you , and don't worry, its not our place to be judgemental , just to try and support, offer advice and help . I`m sure you aren't the first or be the last person to get a puppy and then , for whatever reason , realise that its been a big mistake . If it were just one problem, one issue , then I would say stick with it, it does get easier, but it seems that you have many issues running together here and understandably, its all got too much for you . You truly mustn't feel bad at the thought of rehoming your puppy , she hasn't been with you long enough to really bond and believe me , she will adapt very quickly indeed . You have been courageous in pouring out your heart on here, and I applaud this 100% , but don't feel bad about having made a mistake, we all do because we are human , I wish you much luck x
Re: Serious help needed please! If there are daycare places in your area, give them a call. The local pet company near me would take puppies before their jabs were complete. They had 2 or 3 small puppies in a big room (a sort of garage with non-slip floor) next to the office, with a stable door, and the admin girls looked after them during the day. It was perfect. I work, and when I got my puppy I worked away from home for some of the week, and horrifically long hours too. I coped - but not without expense and a lot of effort. I was exhausted most of the time too. I was worth it though, although some days of course I thought "what on earth have I done?" The key is being super organised and having help. I think you must have some help, and you'll have to buy that by the sounds of it. If you have the budget, and services are available to you, this can work. I really wouldn't worry about your partner's daughter. So you'll just have to take the puppy away for the visits for a couple of months - if that's ok, puppy will stop biting soon. If though, you really feel that it's not going to work, and you can't make it work, the very best thing for your puppy is to return it or rehome it quickly, so it's new family can do its socialisation properly and so on. At this time in your puppy's development, you should be taking it out and about. Carrying it before its jabs are complete. It needs to be going to safe puppy parties, and meeting lots of new people. That's what I'd be worried about you managing right now.
Re: Serious help needed please! i am glad that house training is coming along well but as others have said it may be better to give the pup up sooner rather than later as it will get socalised with someone who has less stress i am not judging you lots of people have done what you did and then found it difficult to manage the reason i say return the pup is that i got mine when she was 5months and have had terrible problems if a pup starts off in a home that hopefully will be for a long time then i think it would settle quickly best wishes to you hope some of the replies have helped
Re: Serious help needed please! Thank you for all the really helpful replies and kind words. Can anyone recommend how long I can leave it until I make a decision about what to do. This week I am going to enquire about dog walkers and day care, my partner gets home next week and I definitely cannot make this decision without him so I was thinking about organising day care for this week while he is gone, then when he gets home next week see how things are while he is there to occupy the puppy and also if we can manage to have his daughter and make a decision from there. I feel after reading all the posts there are solutions and I have to work with what I can get, I think I have to try these before I can make any radical decisions. If I wait a few weeks she will be 11 weeks. Any advice if this is ok? Or is cruel and should I do it now?
Re: Serious help needed please! We didn't pick up our girl untill she was 11 weeks if that helps at all. Good luck with your decisions. x
Re: Serious help needed please! I think if you organise day care this week, that should be fine. If your pup is cared for through the day, ideally with other very young puppies, or if not at least with caring people, that will help with the socialisation. If your puppy is cared for and you are able to make steps to progress her socialisation (do not ignore that, it is very, very, important) then she will come to no harm. At 11 weeks she will still be a lovely fluff ball cute enough to find a new home if unfortunate needs be. Best of luck to you.
