Well, this is my second posting of the morning in relation to our 3 month old chocolate cross lab Bud. My wife has a wonderful bond with Bud, and a fantastic attitude which i really admire. Bud and i have a great closeness too but i do sense he is becoming a bit of a mummy's boy at the moment. Even as he sits here on my lap as i type these words, he is crying for his "mummy" (my wife) who is still sleeping as she has work later today. Bud misses us both when we are not in the room with him...i only have to nip out to put the rubbish in the bin and he is jumping about and wagging his tail when i return. However, he is noticeably missing my wife and not settling when she is either in bed or at work and it takes a while, and a lot of fuss, to calm him down. Is this normal behaviour or anything to worry about for the long term? It is lovely that he feels so close and connected to us, and there will always be one of us here with him. I just want to feel assured that this is nothing serious moving forward? Thank you in advance for all responses. Tony
Re: Crying for "mummy" Hi Tony, sometimes puppies do find women a little easier to bond with at first, as they are sometimes gentler and have quieter voices and so on. Do you feed Bud, or does your wife do this? Since he seems particularly attached to her, for the next couple of weeks I would suggest that you feed him most if not all of the time; this will help increase his bond with you. Love with puppies is largely motivated by their tummies! Also, you say that there will always be one of you there with him. I would strongly suggest that you start teaching him to be alone for a short period of time - starting just with a couple of minutes, and very slowly increasing that amount of time until he is happy to be left alone for an hour or two. There will always be times when he will have to be alone, and it is best to teach him now, as a puppy, that he can rely on you and that you will always be coming back. Using a crate is a great way to teach this as it stops him getting into trouble or danger while you are out of the room, and puppies come to see their crate as their safe den. Sorry if you already do all this!!!
Re: Crying for "mummy" I'd agree about teaching him to be alone. The thing that made me really want to do this was when I read that "for a puppy, being separated from the pack means being in real danger" - so actually frightening. I couldn't stand the thought of my little puppy being scared for no reason! So we very gradually got Pongo used to being left entirely alone in the house (5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then half an hour etc) to teach him that he was safe and that we would always come back. No problem now at all - we can go out for 5 hours in the evening and he just curls up on the sofa "looking after the house".
Re: Crying for "mummy" Hi Karen. Thank you for your response. I feed Bud when my wife is at work or not here at meal times ( i am partially housebound in the sense of a serious anxiety disorder. I can take him out for walks etc; i just cannot entertain being surrounded by people or having my space invaded. Hence that i am always guaranteed to be here.) When my wife is here then she shares the feeding routine. We do try to leave him alone for very short periods of time, and he does have a crate yet he decided to turn this into his toilet when we first got him, and no matter how well it has been cleaned and had the smells totally eradicated to him, he still appears to associate the crate with toileting. He cries a lot and rushes against it when left alone, yet is fine if one of us is sitting outside. There have been times when he is eating that i leave the room so when he comes inside he is to all extents and purposes alone. On one occasion he played with his toys for about ten minutes before realising i was not there. Most other times he comes looking for me. When he is downstairs with my wife if i am in bed he cries after me, just like he does when my wife is in bed or not here. We will always make efforts to build his confidence alone, but it is distressing to listen to. Tugs on the heart strings. Thanks again Karen.
Re: Crying for "mummy" Rosie....thank you for your advice also. We will continue the teaching process for as long as it takes. We want him to feel secure on his own.
Re: Crying for "mummy" Ah Tony, I see that you have certain additional challenges with teaching your little one to be confident on his own! Remember he is tiny, and any steps should only be small ones. Do take him out and about as much as possible, and even if it is difficult for you it is important that he meets other people and dogs, and that he experiences as many different situations as possible, to build up his confidence. Which with your anxiety disorder I can see will not be easy; but perhaps you will help each other..
Re: Crying for "mummy" Hi again Karen, All steps are small ones, and we have the patience to persevere no matter how long it takes. He is taken out for walks on a daily basis, and when my wife takes him out he sometimes visits her family so is getting introduced to numerous people and situations. We haven't had many interactions with other dogs when out but he was playing at the vets the other day with dogs whom were there. And you have hit on something very true....i do feel that he will help me as much as i will help him. No matter how long the road.
Re: Crying for "mummy" [quote author=KeeperTony44 link=topic=8417.msg118995#msg118995 date=1413975331] Hi again Karen, All steps are small ones, and we have the patience to persevere no matter how long it takes. He is taken out for walks on a daily basis, and when my wife takes him out he sometimes visits her family so is getting introduced to numerous people and situations. We haven't had many interactions with other dogs when out but he was playing at the vets the other day with dogs whom were there. And you have hit on something very true....i do feel that he will help me as much as i will help him. No matter how long the road. [/quote] It seems like you are doing a brilliant job and from what I read and have experienced with my pup perfectly normal for them to look for you or your wife. We too have various health issues in house I'm disabled so am retired now and my son has mild aspergers and depression. I truly believe that animals can sense these things and our lab chums seem particularly in tune hence there use as helping dogs. The love and companionship that is mutually shared can only be a healing thing and I'm sure that together you will build a strong bond.
Re: Crying for "mummy" Thank you for that....it is reassuring to be told that we are doing nothing wrong. I totally believe Bud and i will be true companions to one another as we both grow together. And with my wife we will be complete as the little family that we are. It has been quite a challenge for me given how houseproud i am and fairly set into a domestic routine. But i am adjusting really well, and Bud, bless him, does his best to accommodate as best he can.
Re: Crying for "mummy" Sounds like you are doing a really good job with him I'm sure with time he will be happy being left alone for short periods. Rosie's suggestion of going slowly is a good one. Good luck and let us know how you are getting on
Re: Crying for "mummy" [quote author=KeeperTony44 link=topic=8417.msg118981#msg118981 date=1413973436] it is distressing to listen to. Tugs on the heart strings. [/quote] Oh Tony, I feel your pain! When Pongo first arrived he would cry piteously when put into his crate at night... I really thought my heart would break, and I don't know how I managed to resist going downstairs to cuddle him. We were really lucky that he very quickly adapted - he is the most wonderfully laid-back labrador - but it was so hard to hear him cry.... you've got to be strong... It sounds to me like you are all doing wonderfully well - and the three of you will be the perfect little pack once you've all got used to each others' ways! Really looking forward to hearing all about your exploits on the forum. Rosie (and Pongo, who says to tell Bud not to worry, he has fallen on his paws with you guys...)
Re: Crying for "mummy" Naya....Thank you for your kind words. A gradual process is the only one we are comfortable with. I don't want to rush the training but i do recognise the need for him to start to gain his confidence and feeling of security being left alone.. I will post updates as the weeks progress. Rosie....it really is heartbreaking isn't it? This afternoon i opted to place Bud in his crate whilst i was hoovering and steaming the downstairs rooms. Not only would it have made it easier to work but my logic told me the hoover would drown out his cries and virtual howling. I then remembered that he has a tendency to charge at the crate, and bite at the sides in an effort to escape, and this led me to worry he may actually hurt himself so i sat on the stairs and braved it out for a few minutes before returning to him. Longest few minutes i have experienced in a long time. We actually invested in a large crate as we didn't want Bud to feel too enclosed (something i empathise with strongly.) It's backfired a little simply because he has the type of character that seems to rebel at any kind of restriction of space. Nonetheless we will all remain strong and determined for however long it takes. We do have the option of a safety gate which i will be putting up by the end of the weekend-this would give him the free run of his room without the "bars around him," and yet still keep him in one place during his training. The next weeks and months are going to be challenging, but also a great learning curve for us all. Throughout it all though will be plenty of fun and bonding. My wife said to me the other night,"We needed this...we needed Bud." And she is right. She and i have always been strong but there was something missing. Bud is that missing piece of our family jigsaw. Anyway, i will certainly keep you informed of our exploits-i will actually enjoy sharing our story. Thank you Rosie for your time and kind words. And Pongo...Bud says he isn't worried, he knows he is in good hands, but thank you for your consideration. (Such a polite young dog ;D)
