Hitting my breaking point... again

I've had a bit of a resurgence of anxiety. (Maybe it's puppy blues? Maybe not?) I no longer have that awful feeling of "what have I done, I need to return him now", but I still find myself upset and stressed a lot of the time. I had a bad experience on Sunday - he wasn't cooperating on our 5:30 morning walk, and I was just too tired to really help him expend his energy at home though I tried, so we were both frustrated with each other. My dad took over but I went back to bed at 7am in tears and I've been on edge since that Sunday. I'm no longer looking forward to our big afternoon patroness, I just dread when he'll wake up. I'm back to hardly being able to get through the day without tearing up, and it feels utterly ridiculous!

It doesn't help that I've explained we need to ignore unwanted barking for it to diminish, but one person in the household refuses to listen, and will immediately talk to Stampy when he barks (either reassuringly, or a loud "NO!" both of which aren't good), and get mad at us when we try to explain that's a bad strategy. It's really adding extra tension, and making me much more stressed because the barking bothers me more than anything else.

Sorry for a long and sort of pointless post - my anxiety is through the roof right now for no good reason and I guess I just needed to vent. I'm thinking so much about the older dog I always wanted that I'm forgetting how to enjoy the puppy I have right now.

 

Venting is good - keep venting! Venting means you're still fighting the good fight!

Being so close to the situation, you may not realise just how how huge it is that you now say "I no longer have that awful feeling of "what have I done, I need to return him now". That's really big progress from where you were just a little while ago. And sure, that feeling may come back again to a lesser extent or with a slightly different twist (that's kind of the insidious hallmark of anxiety), but to me that really shows how you are starting to think of yourself and Stampy as being on the same team.

I can really sympathise with the feeling of just wanting to crawl into bed and stay there. Sometimes you just need to do that to re-group and be ready for another attempt. It helps me sometimes to think, "I've dealt with all I can right now and am going to hide out for x number of hours and that's ok - but then I'm getting up to do x". Makes me feel less guilty about the hiding out and gives me a specific (preferably simple) task such as taking a walk, cleaning the kitchen, etc. to do at the end to get me in motion again.

And by the way, I don't think there's a soul on earth who has raised a puppy and not thought, "Oh please let them just sleep longer and give me a break." In fact, if you didn't think that, we might suspect you'd been replaced by a pod person.

The training thing is harder because it sounds like for the moment you are stuck with your living situation. All you can do is keep trying to educate the person who is not lining up with your training plan, meaning you have the unenviable task of training a human along with trying to work with your puppy.

I also don't think you are forgetting to enjoy your puppy. Just mentioning it here means it's there in your thoughts and you are really trying. I know it doesn't help at all to hear "keep trying" (in fact if someone said that to me when I was down I would most likely feel like slapping them), so I'll just say this: recognise the progress you've already made, feel proud of yourself and Stampy, ask for help from your dad when you need to and live to fight another day.
Sending hugs to you and Stampy.

 

Emily has written a perfect response.

I would add that my pup is 20 weeks and it can still be up and down, mostly up, but when I have a down day I have all those horrible feelings of negativity about having a pup. I absolutely remember dreading her waking up because it would mean I would have to deal with the energy/nipping/hurling etc when I just wanted to relax.

Sometimes I am too weary to train, sometimes I let things go because I have no energy. I often feel isolated because I can't go out and about as I used to so I can spend a lot of time just me and the pup which can be lovely and frustrating in equal measures. But now I am a bit more of the mindset that 'this is how it is for now', it won't be like it for ever, things have already improved a lot, there will be ups and downs, and I need to embrace the ups and accept the downs.

You are doing a fantastic job.

 

Ah I could have written this post. I am at my breaking point too still. I am not as tearful and I'm really trying to keep a stiff upper lip and get through, but doing this by myself is really wearing me down and I don't know if I can do this for 2+ years until he "calms down". He is a great pup but he's a LOT. I put as much as I possibly can into him but I feel like it's never enough for him. He always has more energy or wants more play. Today I took him for a 30 minute walk in the morning, an hour at the dog park, and an hour in group training class tonight, and in between chewing on bones and kongs and hanging out. And I went out tonight and when I came back he was still a whirlwind, biting and jumping on things and I just want to pull my hair out. At the training class he had 2x as much energy as any other pup there...just all over the place. It was disheartening. I'm always left with this stress that I should be playing with him or training him more, but if I did I'd have no time left for myself. I'm literally at my limit and I feel like it's not enough.

Also at 4 months 1 week he is biting me MORE now than ever. I'm so confused. I can't pet him because it devolves into him starting a biting frenzy

 

Hang in there. Things will calm down. My dog really became a lot calmer at around 4-5 months of age.

 

They get much, much better at about 6 months, start to sleep more in the evenings and mornings. I have said I will never have a puppy again, would wait for a 6 month old! It soon passes I promise.

 

It does get better some are worse than than others. My first 2were great but my last one was a monster. Bite bite bite. It was further complicated by his stomach pain from colitis and steriods. It seemed to go on for years it was a time of blood bruises and him just not stopping. He did get calmed and none bitey

 

I find 16 weeks pretty much the bitiest time of their lives. It's a mixture of more boldness, teething, excitability and boredom/overtiredness.

The best thing you can be is calm and consistent with him.

And fear not - this will soon pass

Mollie is 20 weeks old today and still has crazeeeeee times but calm times too, I can see the sensible dog emerging (she was a very sleepy and calm puppy until 15 weeks then WHAM! double crocapup!)


...

 

Sam was one of those wonderfully calm and easy pups , I was extremely lucky ! The Labrador girl I had before him , Tess , was a different kettle of fish and I remember with awful clarity, going through all the demonic behaviour !As others have said , things can only get better , more so when exercise can be much increased and training too , hang on and this will soon be a dim and distant memory .

 

You know on the night you have group training I'd suggest actually doing less before you go (morning walk fine but in the afternoon a very short 10 min walk to practice a few things that you know will be at the class and then go home put him in a puppy play pen to have some time out time - if you use food for training dont give them too much too soon before you go). They often get so revved up that they get over excited and over revved up so they start to go 'off the rails' and get far more stirred up & go beserk before they finally crash. Its often a balance to get them in between taking the edge off and going over the top.

OUr training class was tonight and the puppy who is 8 months hasnt stopped yet - she usually crashes by now but is still playing with the adult dog - she's over tired but we just have to wait til she crashes.

 

Bailey was always at his worst when he was over tired - his energy would ramp up to a million and those horrid puppy teeth digging into skin - when he was popped into his crate he crashed within seconds. He still gets very mouthy when he is overtired, but at 4 days short of his 1st birthday, he has a 10 min session with my OH each night about 9.30pm ish and then crashes out. Has been calmly sleeping either on our feet or on his bed for the last hour. Honestly even a month ago I would not have said this.

It does get easier as they get a bit older - I think around 7 months for us was the turning point with the full on non stop crazies getting gradually less and less.

The only exception is when Bailey is playing with my sisters dog - they go non stop until we step in and make them rest, but it is a kind of revved up rest for both of them. The only time they have both crashed out was at Christmas when we were all staying at our mum's and the boys had access to each other 24/7. They did eventually settle but it took hours

 

It will get better, although every puppy is different. Sometimes less is better than trying to do too much, as puppies can get over-stimulated so it becomes a vicious circle. Try not to react immediately to certain things, for example, when I go down to the dogs in the morning I talk to them, but potter for a couple of minutes instead of letting them out of their crates first. Encouraging calm downtime is just as important as exercise, play and training.

It can be really exhausting, particularly feeling that you constantly need to be one step ahead of the puppy monster, but it's so rewarding too - eventually.

 

It is absolutely exhausting and completely normal that you feel discouraged. But hang in there, it will get better. Try to focus on positive improvements where you can. And I agree with @Granca , consider that perhaps you need to do less with the pup, not more! Overtiredness and overstimulation is not good and can lead to the craziness. So maybe try easing up a bit on days you are going to class and see. Maybe that will help.

One day at a time and each day that passes you are closer to the dog you want, with patience and perseverance.

 

You've already had a lot of kind reassuring reponses and I hope you are feeling the value in the progress you are making.I've just stopped by to comment on the conflict you are feeling with other members of the family with regards to consistent training.It's really difficult if you aren't all on the same page but sometimes there is nothing you can do apart from accept and choose your battles .My Husband is lovely,he adores Dexter and wants nothing but the best for him but at first he truly believed that dogs trained themselves and this caused no end of strife between us . I had big issues with pulling ,Chris would let Dexter pull ,I wouldn't, so Trainers told me to prohibit Chris from walking him .....I wasn't prepared to do that so Chris was allowed to take him off lead walking only so as not to compromise our training...sometimes that's what you have to do,find a way that works for everyone.You know shouting NO at a dog doesn't do anything if the dog doesn't know what NO means ...so let your family member shout NO as much as they want when Stampy barks ....at the same time you can be working on a 'Quiet' cue .....On a positive note your cues are protected if only you are using them.I spent time on 'Off' so I had a cue if Dexter got up on the couch when I didn't want him too...we had visitors and I was fixing drinks,Dexter jumped up by our guests and my Husband went straight into 'Down,Down,DOWN!!!!!!!'
Dexter,Dexter,Down,DOWN!!!!!' Dexter just carried on sniffing our visitors quietly from the kitchen I said Dexter 'Off' and down he got straight away....I hope this makes you feel better that you can still train cues and get good behaviours even if you aren't all doing exactly the same things ...it isn't ideal but you can get there.....
And , of course my Husband is NEVER allowed to use a whistle

 

My husband also thought dogs trained themselves. He loves her dearly but if she was his dog she would be completely unruly. He is a lot better now. If he starts to shout or lets her do things she just shouldn't be doing, he gets that "look".

Also my husband is never ever allowed the whistle.

 

My father has his own take on this - it's the "as long as they know who is boss they will behave" syndrome. And a very strange idea that you can train a recall simply by bonking a dog on the head once with a flying object. The poodle we had when I was kid went tearing off down the street when she was a puppy. My dad was eating an apple, so he chucked the apple core at her, wonked her on the head with it, she yelped and ran back to him. He is positively convinced to this day that this is how to train a recall.

He did NOT help train my dogs.

 

Hi.
Even though Harley is a lovely pup I definitely know where you are coming from with the "what the h*ll have we done" ruminating thought when we first got her. We had a settled lifestyle with 2 adult cats and all of a sudden the crocolab arrived.

And from reading the other posts it seems that many people share this feeling. But from reading your post you also seem to be feeling a little overwhelmed generally, with the added stressor of puppy and family. Very soon after we got Harley my mom passed away and I was very surprised at how this little puppy would react to my tears, sadness, anxiety and fear. I suspect that dogs must get to know us and also as they grow and mature the way that they are able to provide comfort to us changes. At her very young age of 10 weeks Harley would make extra effort to engage in play with me, sometimes barking and often biting. I am not suggesting that dogs consciously decide they want to make things better for us, but they are social animals and social animals do interact in comforting and soothing ways. Obviously being bitten and barked at by a puppy did not make me feel any better but I think our strong emotions can be confusing to our canine companions and may act as reasons for excitement, which in turn makes us feel even more overwhelmed and drained.

This may be completely incorrect and off the mark as I am really learning about life with a dog day by day, I understand people but dogs and dogs and people are a new adventure for me.

Good luck.

 

You can do it! I was pretty much right where you are, not too long ago. I'd hear him bark from my room at 6am and my heart would drop. There was definitely more than a few times that I thought "OMG WHAT HAVE WE DONE." Puppies uproot your life as much as a new baby. And I can say that from experience. You lose sleep, your whole life is suddenly dedicated to keeping this other being alive, and then you have to teach them everything. It's rough.

Titan is 5.5 months now and it's getting much, much better. I still have bad days (like when I try to take a nice relaxing bath and he hops right in with me ) But now I can honestly say that I love him to death and I am SO happy that he is a part of our lives. It will get better, and eventually you will have that older dog you always wanted and your bond will be unbreakable.

 

Aw I really do feel for you. I can be quite similar with Nelly. It all gets too much sometimes. It will all be worth it! You can do it! I try to think- 'they don't understand, they're just babies, they're teething, they're just restless, they're just over excited.' You will get there. Just think- there's so many others dealing with the stress of a puppy. This morning I had Nelly wee AND poo in the kitchen and then I cleaned it up, fed her, walked her, cuddled up with her and then all I get is a bark and a bite! It is so hard work! I'll be thinking of you. Stay strong.

 

Another thing. Be really inventive with new toys. Sometimes, making your own is the best. I put a ball in a sock and she loves trying to get it out. Or put some of his kibble in with the ball. Sprinkle his food on a rug or carpet and it will take him a while to find it all. An empty water bottle in a sock. Just a thought. They were perfect for Nelly.