I need help! Adopted a dog but I don't feel attached!

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Misswhocan_youcan, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. Misswhocan_youcan

    Misswhocan_youcan Registered Users

    Jul 31, 2019
    So I know that I will probably get crucified for saying this... but I don't feel attached to my dog. My husband and I decided to adopt Tori, this AMAZING lab mix. She is fun, and smart, and super active... but neither him nor I are feeling bonded or attached.
    The really effed up part is that it was my idea to walk around the humane society and see if we liked anyone, and she came right up to us, and we both really liked her, so we signed the papers and brought her home. She is house and crate trained, no accidents, no issues. She loves to play tug of war and fetch, Tori doesn't even care about our 18 year old cat (Tori does however love to bark at and chase our macaw).
    4 weeks in and my husband and I had a long conversation and we feel the same way "maybe she isn't meant to be ours"... I have NEVER felt this way before, I have always had dogs, cats, birds, and rabbits, and animals in general growing up and I always felt attached almost instantly, but Tori is different... she's the only one that I feel like I can't connect with.
    This isn't fair to her either. We take her in and because we are having a hard time bonding does not seem like a legitimate enough reason to send her back... I just wanted to know if any of you have had this problem? I mean... in a world of billions of people, I can't be the only one feeling like I can't bond with my dog, right?
    I need help... my husband and I have agreed to more walking and training time to see if maybe that will help create a bond... but I am feeling so hopeless and helpless in this very new situation to me.
  2. 5labs

    5labs Registered Users

    Mar 19, 2019
    North Yorkshire
    Don't beat yourself up! This is a difficult situation, but it sounds as though you are not having problems and hopefully she is happy enough. As such, I would be tempted to just give this more time. You have only had her for 4 weeks and sometimes it can take time to bond with a dog. Spend lots of time with her, go to training for gundog work, agility, obedience, anything. Give it a few more weeks and see how you feel then. Then you could always try to rehome her privately if you did not want to send her back to a shelter.
    Saffy/isla and Misswhocan_youcan like this.
  3. Ruth Buckley

    Ruth Buckley Registered Users

    Jan 31, 2018
    4 weeks in is too soon to make a decision. You're getting used to each other still and you're extremely lucky your dog isnt expressing her confusion with her new surroundings with problem behaviour.
    My dog wouldn't even look at me when I got him and hated being handled or stroked. I never thought I'd love him like I do now - he follows me everywhere and he's become so affectionate.
    I found playing lots of games helped - really simple things from Absolute Dogs like 'middle' , ' I love my name' 'magic hand'. I was skeptical at first, seemed basically just chucking treats around, but he started to look at me and focus and something clicked.
    Saffy/isla and Misswhocan_youcan like this.
  4. lucy@labforumHQ

    lucy@labforumHQ Administrator Forum Supporter

    Oct 14, 2013
    I'd definitely echo what Ruth and 5labs have said - give it some more time. Don't feel bad for feeling detached at this point, you can't help how you feel, and as long as you are acting kindly (as i'm sure you are!) then there is no harm is carrying on to see how things develop over the next weeks and months. Keep us posted on how you are getting along!

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