I wanted to pop my head up to empathize with you here, as your post pretty exactly sums up my current feelings, and my bigtime descent back into the puppy blues. We too have a 12 week old pup who, like yourself, is for the most part a great wee man - he sleeps fairly well, toilet training is going great, walking is progressing well, he is clearly smart and receptive to training, and we do have good fun times. Equally, he has a few of "the usual" issues to work on - picking up and eating too many items in the garden, eating his poo given half a chance, whining a bit much, biting a bit when excited. But like you the real cause of my blues is that, like yourself, my pup has not taken well to being left alone. At all. He has been so bad with us in other rooms of the house that we have not even tried leaving him in the house alone for ten minutes to pop to the shop yet. So for example, I popped over the babygate and headed upstairs yesterday to go to the loo and the whining began almost immediately. After a few minutes he worked himself up to start launching himself at the babygate trying to get over to come upstairs. (Strangely, he is ok on his own for short periods on "his own terms" - say is he is lying in the garden in the sun and doesnt want to come in when we do). Equally, a part of this kind of "dependency" is that no matter how deeply asleep he seems to be, if we get up or move around the room at all he pops right back up to attention. We had a trainer in a week ago who thought that he was within the bounds of normal, and just needed to some help to learn to be happily alone. Our first step (and it sounds like you might need this too) was to get him truly comfortable with settling in his crate (in our case, perhaps the same would work for the pen for you). So, we began to put him in his crate on our terms (rather than waiting until he was already falling asleep). Once he was in there we began to calmly put treats through the crate (at the back, to remove his focus from the door) at first just for him being quiet, then later for when he was sitting, then later still for when he was lying down calmly. The idea was just to give him the idea that chilling in the crate was itself a rewarding experience. We are still working on this, but now when he goes in he is about 4 treats away from calmly falling asleep. This does now mean that I can at least move around the room and he cant pop up to be at my feet - and he seems to realize this and go back to sleep once he has established I am being boring. So this is giving me 90 minute blocks of time where I dont need to think about the pup.
Sorry, I hit send prematurely on the last post. I then edited to add the rest of the planned material, but got timed out for spending more than 5 minutes editing! Grr! Anyhow, the next step we need to take is to get the pup settled in his crate and then begin to repeatedly leave and return to the room for very short intervals, each time calmly dropping a treat through the crate. This might start as short as 10-20 seconds per exit at first, and then is to progressively get longer as he gets comfortable with the idea that we will always come back when we depart. We can then also do this with him not in the crate (hopefully by which time he wont be pressed constantly up against the door!), and with us leaving the house briefly instead of just the room. Supposedly this is the way we can go about "training" him to be alone. To be honest, we have not seen much progress here yet, and are finding it hard as he seems to have such a short trigger for whining (and then it gets hard to go back in without rewarding this whining). But at least we feel like we have some kind of "action plan" to work on to try to address this. This is really the root cause of my puppy depression right now. I work from home full time and I really feel trapped - even taking a shower or going to the loo is a pain; and heaven forbid I should need to pop to the shop to get something forgotten for lunch. All of this against the backdrop of trying to fulfil the needs of a fairly stressful job (which at least I know I can do in the 90 minute blocks when he is asleep in the crate!), and it is all getting to the point where I question whether I can do this every day to come, and whether getting the pup was a mistake. One final thing. I have set up an instagram page for the pup. In the tried-and-tested manner of social media, I only use it during the good times, and so it naturally focuses on the good side of puppy ownership. The reason I bring this up is that I find it useful during some of the low times to browse through this and remind myself of some of the adventures we have already had, or some of the times I have taken a pic because of the warm feelings I was having to the pup. Its not enough to pull me out of a funk, but every little helps!
Hi @RedRory , @shawnlinus I can't offer any advice regarding learning to be alone as it's not an issue I had with Cassie, other things but not that. But I just want to say stick at it --- you're puppies are still tiny babies, they won't be forever and yes all this will pass. They are very far removed from the adult dogs you will have in 2 or 3 years time, which with consist effort and good training will become the best of companions. Cass is 2 now, and hasn't been easy at times and I've been learning new training techniques. I do totally understand though about the puppy blues and for me it was about having a little creature so dependent on me. But I love her so much now she is the centre of my world and the more we do together the better it gets. Hope this helps a bit
Yes this is excellent. A very good action plan. Yes that trapped feeling is really horrible. My puppy whined every time I left her in her crate during the day and I did clicker training - it was literally seconds initially - click when quiet and treat. I felt like a ‘jack in the box - in/out, in/out the kitchen - blooming baby gate always shutting on me. It was exhausting and I got so despondent.... ....BUT it did work and bit by bit, I could leave her longer and longer. Seems like a dream now - at the time, it’s awful and never ending - it does end.
@selina27 - thank you for taking the time to post these kind words. I think that this kind of "been there, done that" perspective that I find here is really useful as I try to use logic to bust through the darker moments. This. Will. Pass. @Atemas - I am so pleased to hear that you have been through this exact problem, used similar methods, AND come out the other side with a dog that has a healthy, happy and balanced relationship with spending time alone. This is extremely reassuring while we are in the early parts of this process. I think I will have to hop over to the other thread and find the link to your old thread that Shawn references, and read up on your time with pup. I know all puppies are different, but do you recall how long it took you (days vs weeks vs months) to go from the "literally seconds" phase, to something like 10 minutes (where one could reasonably gain enough time to pop off for a shower, or similar)? And were you doing this kind of training multiple times per day? Sometimes I want to do this kind of training lots, to speed the process, but I really dont want to make the pups life hell while he adjusts; nor to take away too much of his nap time, thus inviting the "overtired crocopup" into our lives too much PS: Shawn - sorry for taking over your thread today, but I hope that the advice I am getting will also be useful to you, given the seeming similarities between our situations!
I'm in a very similar situation with our lad that we've had for a little under 3 weeks now. Both my wife and I work from home but she's been away for the vast majority of the time since we got him (unplanned work stuff that came up after we'd chosen the lad) so it's just me and him. It's been an absolute rollercoaster since we picked him up. Some dark moments but on the flipside some soaring highs and it's been great to read threads like this so I know I'm not the only one! We're really taking it day by day at the moment but one of the things I'm finding helping is using feed times for training. He was weaned on raw but I'm almost done transitioning him to dry (3 out of 4 meals atm) and over the past few days I've taken 20 minutes out to work on training. He gets a kong with dry kibble in just to take the edge off the hunger then the rest is used as reinforcement for learning new stuff/building existing. That's only been on the go for a couple of days but I really feel it's making a difference, he seems to love working for food and I get enjoyment out of teaching him stuff and watching him learn. He started to go to his crate on command (somewhat reliably ) which was awesome but then it's taken me about 4 times as long to write this as it should have as he was barking his nut off and when I went down to investigate he'd tipped his waterbowl over and soaked the floor, himself and his vetbed, take the rough with the smooth I guess!
It was only days and I only did it for a period of time in the day (I would have expired otherwise ) but one day she just suddenly stopped whining. I suddenly found I could go and get showered and dressed in peace. A lot of it is about routine and once she started more walking, she did more resting/sleeping . I can’t remember her exact age - so much of it is a blur and I can’t find the thread where I was asking for advice on this issue (it’s not under Puppy Blues where most of my stuff is). I used the article on The Labrador Site about click for quiet.
I was largely alone with my young puppy (and two older dogs) when I got her. I also work from home, so I understand where you're coming from. With Luna, when I wanted a shower, I made sure she was entertained with something such as a tasty kong or a snuffle mat and then went and had a (very quick!) shower. She soon got used to me being out of the room meaning I would be back in a few minutes but she would get something tasty in the meantime. Because of being alone, I had to do this pretty much immediately - or run the risk of being smelly I didn't do the whole "click for quiet" protocol and have my reservations about it. I did start it with my first pup, but I didn't get on with it and now I've had a bit more experience, I think it's a flawed - or at least incomplete - idea. Don't get me wrong, I think clicker training is great, I just don't think clicking for quiet in this situation is the best application of the clicker. Maybe I'll write a post about that for discussion at some point It will depend a lot on the puppy how quickly you can progress. In general, confident pups will be able to work up in time more quickly. Not always though - Luna is very confident BUT gets frustrated very easily. So she would whine or bark through frustration rather than anxiety.
To those suffering from the Puppy Blues , hang on in there , keep the faith , good times are coming , honestly they are ! Pups are an investment for life , and what we get out depends on what we put in . I know those feelings , can remember them clearly , " What on earth have I done ?" The penny dropping that life wont ever be the same , that this little bundle will impact on life, in a good way eventually ! I lost a much adored boy to lymphoma just six months ago , he was only six years old but, much as I loved him with every beat of my heart , he tried my patience as a youngster and so yes, chucking off the rose coloured glasses , pups are hard work but one day, the hard work will pay off and have built a bond . Read all you can , love your little ones, train with patience and kindness , it will all be worth while x
@snowbunny Thanks so much for moving this to its own thread! @CPTCrash Oddly enough the only toy my pup hasn't destroyed is the only toy he has that isn't a 'dog toy', its just a plush dog from Ikea of all places! @RedRory Our pups really do seem to be pretty much the same dog! They even look similar (mine is a fox red too!). But every detail of what you've posted is just how my Gimli behaves. I have actually been slowly building up his alone time in a similar fashion to how you've described and it is working to an extent however, using showering as an example, some days he'll lie in his crate quite content for the entire time I'm away, others he'll be howling after 5 seconds, I just can't seem to get any reliable consistency out of him :/ and no need to apologise for 'taking over' as you put it, it's really comforting to hear how others are managing and overcoming the same issues I am having and having people to share it all with helps tremendously. I've actually encountered a new problem this week which has become a bit of a difficult catch 22 for me... Unfortunately, I don't have the option to work from home and given his issues with being alone I've really felt I had no choice but to put him into a daycare while I am at work. It has worked really well for my sanity as he comes back and is quite happy to just sleep the rest of the evening away and has been a whole lot calmer overall. But obviously this presents the problem for me that I am reluctant to do any training with him as I worry about overdoing it with him. So really I'm left with just weekends to do any sort of real training sessions. The daycare is actually really good with him, they make sure he's getting enough sleep which is always at set times and they have 1 to 1 training with the dogs (where they train him based on things I ask for) but its obviously not the same as training with me. I'm really at a loss for what to do in the short term...
For what it's worth I think you have absolutely done the right thing. At the end of the day you need to figure out a solution that works for you and Gimli. It might not be what you had in mind but it's a compromise that has everyone's interest at heart.
My trainer said she rather has someone who does some sort of training for 5 minutes daily, rather than no training at all!
Thanks @Stew, Gimli certainly loves the place anyway and I guess its at the very least teaching him how to behave around other dogs, who knows, maybe all the exposure will teach him how to be calm around my sister's dog. @Anne123 This is very true! I suppose we all just have to do the best with the hand we've been dealt and if that means only 5 minutes of training a day then so be it, at least its something.
I honestly questioned myself after I got Moose. Oh, it seemed like every time I turned round he was peeing or pooing in the house, he wouldn't snuggle cause biting was so much more interesting, he terrorized little Miley, bit the kitty till she bled. Now here we are. Moose is 4 1/2 months old, never messes in the house, has learned to play gently with Miley, leaves the kitty alone, and is my constant companion, loving, funny, goofy boy that he is. He has added so much to my life, those first few months were so worth every second of moping, teaching, cut fingers and all.
Yeah, I wouldn't bother doing any training with him in the evening while he's so small as he'll be too knackered. BUT, 5 mins in the morning before you go to work? Easy. And that's all you need when he's small.
Agree with this, one of the things I wish I'd known more about when Cassie was small are the simple games of learning to love their name and learning eye contact. There is lot you can do while the kettle boils! I'm not sure if you can find them on the mainsite but I learnt them from Absolute Dogs via this wonderful Forum.
Well another week has passed and Gimli is now 13 weeks old. There has definitely been a massive calming down in his behaviour through the week, which I have attributed to the daycare he's been going to so I haven't really counted my chickens until I was able to see how he was at the weekend. Yesterday we spent the day visiting family, they too noticed he had calmed down a bunch, sadly my Sister's dog still wants nothing to do with him. Today we're back home and its just me and him. He has been very very quiet today, infact I am beginning to be quite concerned that something is amiss... I first got a little suspicious yesterday Morning when I noticed a couple of chunks of plastic in his poo, however he showed no other abnormal signs that day so I kept an eye on him but wasn't overly concerned. This Morning there were a few instances where he started heaving as if to be sick but never once brought anything up (he hasn't done this for a few hours now). He's still eating and drinking as normal and has pooed twice today, which is pretty normal for this time. So I guess as far as abnormal behaviours currently we have; sleeping a lot (for every hour he's been awake, he's slept for 2, which isn't really like him) when out a walk this Morning, he started whining and wouldn't walk any further. I eventually let him lead the way and he took me straight back home. (to be fair, he's never been the best on walks, as I've mentioned before, but he's never really cried before either). Otherwise he seems fine. When he has been awake we've played a few games, he's chewed on his toys and we've done a bit of training as normal so I'm not really sure what to think... I've had three viewpoints at this time; the activities of the week have finally caught up with him and hes just catching up on rest, he's teething, his tummy is just a bit upset from yesterday (my family were giving him a lot of new foods that, although not bad, hes never had before) or what I'm most worried about, he's eaten something he shouldn't. I'm giving him until maybe late afternoon to see how he is, but if he still seems to be wanting to do nothing but sleep I'll be ringing the vet. I don't suppose anyone else has any thoughts on this?
Are you in the UK? With the weather being hotter Stanley is being a lot more lethargic and unsettled. It could just be that he’s not used to the heat?
We are in the UK, although I wouldn't say its particularly hot where I am. I tend to feel the heat quite easily and I'm currently sitting with a jumper on. That said, today and yesterday have definitely been the hottest days Gimli will have ever seen so it could be a possibility.
Possibly this? It is very hot here (north Cambridgeshire) - hottest so far this year so could be a mix.
