My latest guest star: Tibor the Border Collie (or "How I Became a Seeing-Eye Human")

You ARE a doggy person Emily. Just not this doggy.

 

I agree this person is no friend -I'm surprised she has any willing foster homes behaving like that.
I hope you're feeling a bit better by now.

 

Hope you get a bit of a rest and sleep. Hugs from us all here xxx

 

It's such a shame you're being taken advantage of, but even worse that it's making you doubt your doggy future. You'll be the best puppy mum ever - and we can't wait to hear about all your puppy adventures when the right one comes along! Don't let the fostering get the better of you; your health and sanity are priority. I know you don't want to upset your 'friend', but at this rate you'll never take on another foster dog again because of your experience with Tibor. You couldn't have tried harder with him, but now just isn't the right time...

 

Just to add to the chorus - this person is not a friend, and I wouldn't worry about trying to salvage said friendship. In fact, saying "to hell with her" will probably be better in the long run because then you won't have to deal with her when you return to Germany. She's relying on you being polite, that's what bullies do. Return Tibi knowing that you've done him a massive service in the weeks that he's been with you. Then take care of your mental health and remove that lady's details from your phone. And don't answer the door if she comes a knocking!

 

On a practical side, I know this suggestion may go against your grain, but could you consider the odd day in a kennels? I know when Blake arrived (a foster from Cyprus ) he had never known the inside of a house, let alone a cottage in the UK! It was so tough, he would not rest, not for a minute. He had huge health problems in the early days (he was close to being euthanised because of them) coupled with his enormous challenges with his behavioral needs I really, really began to doubt myself.

I was lucky though, Blake was a very special dog, I could see that from the very first photo I spotted of him, and it was my choice to foster him. It could have been a very different outcome, as it was we hit it off immediately and boy did that dog work hard, he had a huge energy and desire to be a good dog for me and it worked. BUT I had to pop him into a day kennel every now and then just for my sanity, if we hadn't of seen such vast improvements day by day, nope I couldn't have done it.

Tibor sadly is a different case, I just think the poor lad has too much wrong with him. And that's not your fault. I am just saying I understand how you feel.

So even if a kennel could take him overnight or for a day, it might help.

I don't think you could take him back to the rescue right now, I know I just couldn't. You are being taken advantage of, but that's life.

 

Going back to the rescue woman would be better for him than going into a kennel I reckon..

 

Good grief , with " friends " like these , who needs enemies ? To me , when we pour our hearts out , and only get back " well this is whats I`ve had to do " , is very wrong indeed , it belittles what you have done and makes you feel guilty for daring to voice your concerns , which is frankly awful ! Some dogs you connect with immediately , and some you don't, that's life I`m afraid , sending massive hugs to you xxxxx

 

Thanks so much for all the replies, advice, and all around support. I had to take some time to lay low, both due to work and due to Tibi, so apologise for being under the radar for the past week.

I am having a Tibi-free weekend - he is back with foster mom #2. She really saved my sanity. I had promised another friend to take her dog (Miss Fine, the off-road Chihuahua) and due to Tibi being very aggressive with Fine, my friend said she wouldn't leave Fine here if Tibi was also here. Thank goodness for foster mom #2 as she agreed to take Tibi from Friday morning until Monday night.

A week ago Friday I'd had a long heart to heart with the head of the rescue and told her what was happening with Tibi and that I would like her to find another foster home for him as soon as possible. I told myself if I didn't hear from her within a few days, I'd text her (she's never reachable by voice) and give her a "deadline" for Tibi's last day here. I didn't expect her to find a solution in only a few days, only some sort of communication that she was trying.

I heard nothing back, so midweek I texted her that I was still having the same problems, if anything they were worse (more on that later) and that in any case, because I was leaving Germany as planned, the last day I could take care of him was 1 September. I got a very curt message back asking that I describe what was bad about Tibi (her words) and saying she would put up a notice in a newspaper Munich. That last bit, was a "huh?" moment for me. Why Munich? Do people still put notices in newspapers? She was going to place him with someone she didn't know? Ugh.

I answered that Tibi wasn't bad, but that I was not equipped to deal with him. I've not gotten a reply from her. I even went on the big dog walk today and did see her there, but not a word was said about Tibi and the atmosphere was decidedly frosty.

But bottom line - I have given notice, I've done the best I can, I KNOW she actually won't give him to some unknown person (that was a threat to manipulate me) and if she doesn't talk to me before 1 September, I will send another text reminding her a few days before, and then bring him to her apartment on the 1st. I wanted to be fair (give her enough notice) and also keep it consistent with what I'd told her when I agreed to take him at the beginning of the summer: that I could only keep him until it was time for me to leave in September. So this is me, being as fair as I can figure out how to be.

So...back to Tibi. I had a good chat with foster mom #2 when I dropped him off with her on Friday. I asked her to think about whether she wanted him back as a foster. She came clean with me that she feels the same way about Tibi that I do, and simply can't handle him on a longer term basis. That she feels horrible because he's a good dog, but she's never had a dog that was so stressful to be around. I can't even tell you what a relief it was to hear this - I really thought it was just me! And she's so kind to take him when in fact he drives her around the bend. She just said, "Get a few good nights sleep this weekend" and took him off with her - I was so grateful!

Why the comment on sleep? Well, in addition to the crying for walks every 45 -60 minutes, he now also walks in circles in the centre of my studio apartment. He does this in the day and the night. He sleeps for a few hours, wakes up, walks for 20 minutes or so, sleeps a little more, cries, then circles, and so forth. He also climbs the three steps to the front door, falls asleep and then forgets where he is and cries for help. The crying was happening before my surgery, but the walking in circles and falling off the step is new.

He used to be fairly happy with three walks a day, but now needs 5-6...and that's with me holding out with an hour or so of crying/circling before I can't take it anymore and give in. It has stretched my work days from 6am to 9pm, as I'm spending hours walking during what should be my normal work day.

He also isn't able to fully feed himself anymore, which is strange as he managed before. If he raises he head from his bowl even for a second, he forgets where it is and can't find it again. This is no big deal, I just sit there and hand feed him. But it is worrying. I'm no vet, but I'm starting to suspect that the seizures, the blindless, the lack of ability to smell and the obsessive circling could all point to some physical brain damage.

Or...that he is essentially a working dog by breed and life history and he is slowly going insane from being bored to tears. He needs someone who understands this breed, can give him some sort of job that fits whatever disabilities he has and he needs to be out of my tiny one room apartment and have access to a garden where he can feel the sun and listen to the breeze, birds, etc.

Anyway, that was all a very long update, but that's where I am with Tibi. Poor old dude. I really hope the rescue here will consider contacting a border collie rescue for advice and/or help. The rescue group may be failing me, but I think we're all failing Tibi.

Having said ALL that, I'm very grateful to have a weekend break to rest, re-group, plan my (very imminent) trip to the UK and remember why I love dogs. Having the delightful Miss Fine ("Feen-ah") here is a very good step in the right direction. Yes, they are funny-looking, but I love me some chee-wah-wah-wahs.



Also last Sunday afternoon while out walking with Tibi and Fine (and Fine's human) we ran into a 10 week old black Lab puppy having a walk. I'd just been lamenting to Fine's mum that after two months with Tibi, I didn't even feel like I WANTED a dog anymore. Then there I am, goo-ing all over that rolly little Lab tadpole (and me who is a dog person but not all that much puppy person) and my friend says, "Oh shut up, Emily, you know you want one!"

And she was right.

 

Thanks so much - this is indeed helpful to remember. Can you believe I've now added "adopt a Bodeguero" to my list of "definitely do one day"? The second I can have two dogs, my as-yet-unmet Lab assistance dog will have a feisty little Bodeguero Spanish rescue.

 

Yeah, it's actually occurred to me over the past couple of days that in addition to whatever issues Tibi may have, I think it's the lack of progress that is getting to me. His walking improved during the first week, but looking at it from a different perspective, I think I just got better at being a seeing-eye human and steering him. He did speed up (thank goodness) but the weeing on everything and the other behaviours haven't really changed, I've just gotten better at managing them. And used to having a wet left foot after every walk.

By contrast, Toby (aka Alf) in Spain was a complete pain in the keister, but I could see him making progress and I could look back and see how far we'd come. He was far from perfect, to which I'm sure his mum @catrionas can attest, but he did come so far and I was proud of him.

I didn't realise how discouraging it would be to have a dog who essentially stays flat no matter what you try. Though the optimist in me still says with the right person (perhaps a professional) Tibi could do much better.

 

Yes!

 

@Emily_BabbelHund Even before I had finished reading all your post , brain damage was flagging up in my head . One little dog I rescued had seizures , big ones but it wasn't epilepsy , it was brain damage due to previous abuse . I think its well documented that regular seizures, if not treated , can lead to some brain damage , and poor Tibi sounds like a prime candidate to me . You did your best, gave all you could, so you haven't let him down at all , you have simply come to the end of your resources and there is no shame in that ! Little Fine looks a poppet , not that I`m biased of course ! So pleased that your Labrador project is still on track x

 

Hi Emily, glad you have been firm with the rescue lady. You have done your bit and very well too. Sometimes it's just not meant to be even though everything that could be done has been done so no beating yourself up.

Now for the love of dogs get your PUPPY xx

 

My lovely Mum died of dementia which lasted six long years. My family and I were her carers. Your descriptions of Tibi sound a lot like the way she slowly degenerated. Mental incapacity-slow and creeping, but also the forgetting of how to do physical things like eating. Plus the 'blank' non-personality.

I always said that if Mum had been a dog we'd have been able to relieve her of her misery long, long before she actually died.

 

Yes it sounds like Tibi is suffering from dementia - it explains a lot.

 

Mmmm...couldn't decide between this reaction: or this one:

 

I'm so sorry to hear you and your mother went through this, Mags.

 

You may well be undecided young lady. We are waiting on tender hooks you know I think you are secretly a cat lover x

 

After having to clean up dead bunny carcass during my last cat-sitting adventure? I may respect others' kitty preferences, but for me...nope!