Not sure if I am ready for new dog. and

Discussion in 'Labrador Chat' started by Suey, Jul 23, 2019.

  1. Suey

    Suey Registered Users

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    Jul 19, 2019
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    Hi, three weeks ago I lost my darling labrador Bear, after a short and unexpected illness. He was only nine and very well until a week before he died. My past labs lived well into their teens. Bear was my absolute heart dog, he and I bonded instantly when he was a puppy and it got ever deeper as the years passed. I can’t begin to explain what a beautiful soul he was and I was so lucky to be adored by him in return. I feel numb still, I have almost been frightened by the depth of my grief, right now it’s hard to imagine feeling ok again. I hate being without a dog, I’m a big walker and spent the first week just hiking around without him. I have agreed to short term foster a female Labrador Mia, she is five and needed an emergency foster home after her owner was hospitalised and I understand that her previous owner was unwell for a long time and Mia suffered insofar as she was often ignored and not taken out. She’s been with me for five days now and is calm but emotionally aloof, she’s lovely and I understand she will be feeling confused and displaced. I am spending lots of time with Mia, long walks (Which she loves), and she’s laying near me most of the time but not really interacting. I hate to admit it but I feel like I’m acting the part of a good owner, but feeling devastated inside over Bear .... I wonder if Mia can pick up on my inner feelings. And yet I’ve never been without a labrador and the thought of being without seems very bleak indeed. But I only want Bear. I have various contacts in the doggy world, hence how I came to foster so soon. There are now people interested in meeting Mia and I don’t know how I feel. It’s like my judgement is clouded through grief, anyone been through anything similar, does it sound too soon to get another dog? For me but also for the welfare of the dog? Thank you
     
  2. Saffy/isla

    Saffy/isla Supporting Member Forum Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2018
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    Hi, I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely boy Bear. It is still very recent for you and so understandable that your feeling so devastated.

    We lost our beautiful girl suddenly a year ago and like you we felt so many emotions, the house was so empty, walks were awful, all I saw were other dogs and we missed her so much,I particularly felt lost without her as I was home all day on my own.

    After 3 months of this all I could think about was getting another dog, we had so much love to give and our lives felt so empty. My husband was a bit reluctant but agreed mainly to help me.

    Into our lives came a bundle of mischief, a 10 week old choc lab called Isla. She helped in part because she needed so much from us and of our time for cuddles,looking after her, potty, training all the demands a puppy brings. On the other side it was a real shock, she was very different to our previous girl in every way and we were thrown completely and have struggled. I think in hindsight it was too soon after losing our girl.

    A year on and we adore Isla and wouldnt be without her, but it's not been easy and we still miss our beloved girl. When you've bonded so much with a particular dog I don't think it can ever be the same, you can never replace them.

    I hope I've been off some help to you
     
    Carrie J likes this.
  3. J.D

    J.D Supporting Member Forum Supporter

    Joined:
    May 9, 2019
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    Location:
    Hampshire UK
    Hi Suey
    I really feel for you. It is a horrible time but it does get better.
    We lost our black lab Barney quite suddenly at 11 before he looked old enough to go and I always felt it was too soon.
    We waited 6 months before finding Toby having decided on a change of colour so as not to make too many comparisons. Oh boy what a difference!
    Barney was very laid back and loved everyone from day one. Toby was hyper!!Not just the usual puppy stuff. He still doesn’t like new people but is getting better.
    There have been times I wondered if we would ever bond in the same way and now at 20 months he has cancer. My love for him couldn’t be stronger and I am determined to get him through it.
    Personally 6 months was about right for us but I know people who have gone straight out and bought another puppy.Maybe your feelings towards Mia are because you didn’t choose her. Circumstances brought you together.
    I am not sure whether you feel you should be keeping her or let her go to a permanent new home.Five days is early to bond.
    I’m sure you will do the right thing you sound like a very caring person.
     
    Saffy/isla likes this.
  4. Suey

    Suey Registered Users

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    Hi Saffy, thank you for your reply. It’s so difficult to know what to do, the grief I feel for Bear is overwhelming and I feel it’s clouding my judgement really. The house feels silent and empty, I miss the walks and close companionship, I miss having a dog, but the dog I miss is Bear. I feel Mia would be safe with me and I could give her a good life, but it’s maybe too soon for me emotionally. Then I think it shouldn’t be about what I feel, more about what Mia needs. I hope that I’ll have that super-bond again with a dog at some point in my life, it just happened with Bear from very early on. I have to say Mia is getting me out walking every day, dogs are so good for us x
     
    Saffy/isla likes this.
  5. Suey

    Suey Registered Users

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    Jul 19, 2019
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    Hi J.D, thanks for your reply. It does help knowing I’m not the only one who has been so devastated, I realise how many super-special dogs there are out there and I know it will happen again in my lifetime, but it’s hard to think straight at the moment! Toby does look lovely, I sincerely hope he’s going to be okay. I remember twenty odd years ago I lost an old labrador and days later I got a puppy. I remember thinking I would never bond with the puppy like I had with my lost dog then one day when she was around six months old she got lost in the woods. After a panicky hours search as it was going dark, she was found and at that moment the relief was so intense and I realised how much I had grown to love her. Bear was truly beautiful but the naughtiest of my dogs when he was young yet I loved him deeply very quickly. It sounds as if Toby will be just as special to you as Barney was, they do sneak into our hearts x





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