Hi All, We got our 8 week old chocolate labrador Xena on the weekend. I know it's only been a couple of days, but she is really triggering my anxiety. To the point where i'm upset all the time and hardly eating. Has anyone else experienced this and what did they do to help? I've read the puppy blues page which is good, but i'm not sure if I can do this. It's everything from the smell, to the constant crying. Our yard isn't puppy proof so we have her in a pen. She's ok when someone is playing with her, but as soon as we put her in her pen she whines and barks. Any help would be appreciated. Hubby, kids and cats are coping ok, i'm ready to take her back to the breeder! I've never been a dog person (bad experience as a kid), but was hoping it would help with my axiety. So far it's made it a thousand times worse....
Having a puppy is akin to having a newborn baby, in terms of the neediness of that tiny animal and what you are called on to offer. It's way simpler NOT to have a dog...from holidays and travel, to having people over, to being able to go out for 12 hours at a time or even work outside the house full time. You have to be really 'up for it'. In fact, you need some enthusiasm and excitement at the beginning to get you through those early days. People often go through a 'down' period when the reality of things sinks in - but they can find enough positives and have a bond with the puppy by that point. If you don't have that, even now - when it would be almost 'puppy honeymoon period' for most people - then maybe a puppy is not for you. It is far better to return a puppy to the breeder at 8 weeks - or even 9 or 10 weeks - when they can easily be resold into an appropriate home and live to fulfil their potential, than to struggle on for months and months with a dog you don't really want until you hit adolescence (which is equally hard in different ways) and THEN decide you don't want the dog - at which point, rehoming or reselling the dog is a heck of a lot harder because they are not an 8 week old puppy anymore... Obviously most people do the latter - which is partly why there are so many adolescent dogs in rescues.... A couple of other things to say: It depends also greatly on whose main responsibility the dog is. No matter how much everyone wants to do everything at first, that never lasts and dog duties end up falling to mainly one person in the household. If your husband or kids are going to be the main carers, then maybe you not wanting the puppy doesn't matter so much. But if you are supposed to be the dog's main carer, and others are unavailable or work or whatever - then it is really kind of important that you actually want the dog... Finally: A puppy has needs of her own. Her needs come first. Just like a child's. Getting a puppy just to 'help' with your anxiety isn't a good idea. What are you giving the puppy, in return? What are you excited about doing with the puppy? As a breeder, whenever I get an enquiry from someone who wants a dog for their autistic child/disabled husband etc etc [insert any health condition], the emphasis from these enquiries is always on what the dog will DO for the person - NOT on what the people are excited about being able to offer the dog or do with the dog. And secondly, these enquiries often overlook the fact that, in successful dog-human relationships, where the dog ends up helping the person, the dog has frequently had a heck of a lot of attention and training and time invested into it, to create that animal which is able to meet someone's needs. As a result, I've to date turned down ALL enquiries from these homes. Because they all are focussed on obtaining a puppy to meet their own needs - and failing to recognise that the puppy has needs of its own. (It's not impossible that a home can recognise both these things, but so far I haven't had one enquire.). And also because most of these homes don't appreciate the effort and training involved in raising a well-adjusted support dog. If you do really want a dog to help with your anxiety, then you probably would be best looking at specifically trained support dogs - which would not be puppies - but would have been trained into this role and selected for it...
Hi @MissLaz Agree with Jo's very thoughtful response. All I would add is that if you decide to keep the dog, it might be highly useful to get a positive reinforcement dog trainer to give you all one or two lessons on looking after a puppy. Your family should be attentive to the puppy's need for socialisation. You also should be crate training the puppy. Trainer should Explain the use of a houseline. And how to properly reward the puppy's desirable behaviours. Perhaps as a family you can all attend puppy school. Knowledge may help in reducing your anxiety.
Simply put, I’d suggest getting her plenty of exercise, both physical and mental in terms of training basic commands. Introduce her to new places, new toys and new people often. She should be tired out every day and nap quite a bit.
On the issue of anxiety: I have anxiety issues myself and when we were researching getting a puppy I actually expected the puppy to make my anxiety worse. And it did. Briefly and somewhat intermittently. It was much like I imagine having a newborn feels- a mix of joy and worry and sleeplessness. Being an adolescent he still causes me worry, but it is better. That said, I REALLY wanted a dog and we had waited for years until our circumstances allowed. I think to overcome the anxiety you do have to want the dog in your life, because the first few months are hard and don't contain much respite. They are very needy. Only you know whether you really want the puppy, so it is probably worth thinking about that at this point- maybe after you've had a good sleep though. There are some things you can do to make it easier. - Persist with the pen/crate training. Make it a great place, either treats and awesome chew toys. This will give you some time to yourself and will help a lot. - Ask for more support from your husband and other family members. I really do think it is possible to make anxiety and a puppy work, but you have to want it. I hope this post helps!
Thank you everyone for your comments, they have really helped. We had a chat the breeder, and decided the best thing for the puppy is to go back to the breeder and find a new home. Although everyone in the family is sad, it's the best thing for her and us. Really hard decision to make, but we want her to have a family who adores her. She deserves that. I just don't have that mental capacity right now. I thought I did, I had no idea I would be affected this way. I certainly haven't had that puppy honeymoon phase, and haven't got to experience the joy that one expects from having a puppy. Thanks for your support everyone.
Well done for making a difficult decision but one which will be, in the long-term, the best for the pup
