Puppy Blues

Discussion in 'Labrador Puppies' started by Allina F, Jan 28, 2020.

  1. Allina F

    Allina F Registered Users

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    We just got the most adorable Goldendoodle puppy (sorry not a Labrador, but I think the issue will translate!) . I feel lucky - I am assuming, as far as puppies go - he is pretty easy going, cuddly and sweet. But I have horrible puppy blues. I can't stop crying, have real anxiety over messes in the house and am sleep deprived.

    I know that the majority of this is stemming from the fact that we have a 19 month old daughter and I am 12 weeks pregnant with our second. This puppy is so sweet and I know if I were to stick it out, it might get better in several months/year or two. But my gut is telling me to re-home the puppy. I feel incredibly guilty that I don't get to spend as much time with our daughter because the puppy has so many needs, and I only have a few more months to snuggle and love on her without the attention of another baby. I don't know if some of this is pregnancy hormones, but it is making me feel incredibly sad and guilty. And besides our daughter, I really miss the few hours a day I had to myself before the next baby comes. I feel like I am stuck in our kitchen so that the puppy doesn't make messes all over and I don't feel like I can run errands because I feel guilty leaving home.


    Any advice is appreciated, especially if you have been through this before.
     
    MontesMum likes this.
  2. Edp

    Edp Registered Users

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    Hello, ok...I might be a bit blunt here but as a mum, health visitor and dog owner of over 25 years...I think sometimes being direct helps. Puppies rightly deserve 100% of your time and commitment. They are like having another child, needy and dependent. I waited until my twins were nearly 7 so I could give time to my puppy whilst balancing the needs of my children. You can’t do this with a toddler and a new baby on the way. Your children have to be your priority, the puppy will always miss out. I believe your gut is right, rehome the pup whilst he is young enough to do easily and wait until your children are old enough to be part of the dog ownership process. Don’t worry what people may think, do what is right fir you, your children and the pup.
     
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  3. Allina F

    Allina F Registered Users

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    Your bluntness is so appreciated and I wish I'd had you in my life before bringing a puppy home. Call it pregnancy hormones or stupidity. I am and was fully aware of the responsibility and the time it takes with a puppy or we would have never brought him home. But I was not prepared for this emotional response and I feel terrible for it, as a mother and a pet owner. Your words are appreciated.
     
  4. Junopup

    Junopup Registered Users

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    I understand where you’re coming from. I have a toddler and feel stressed and a little regretful most days. Our puppy is 14 weeks. That’s not to say we intend to rehome the puppy, but I do really struggle when it’s just me, the toddler and the dog, and have been close to tears several times. My husband doesn’t really understand because he’s never home by himself with them, and when I say anything he tells me I’m trying to make him feel guilty for getting the dog. I’m not, I just want him to understand it’s really really hard work.

    My coping mechanism is to look to the future. The puppy phase is relatively short lived and hopefully we will come out the other side with a happy, loving, gentle family dog. If you want to keep the dog then you need a routine. You have 6 months until your new baby arrives by which point your puppy will be nearly a year old and hopefully easier to manage.

    The routine that I’ve got into is that after I’ve fed the toddler breakfast I do a bit of training and then we take the dog for a walk. She’s quite hyper in the mornings and it helps to calm her down (well except this morning when she refused to walk further than 6 houses down the road!). Then when we get home I take her in the back garden if she hasn’t toileted on her walk (she often saves it until we get home), then she goes in her crate for a sleep for a couple of hours. This gives me a chance to play with the toddler or do some housework and I’m also trying to teach the puppy to be without me for periods of time as she barks and howls when she’s left. At lunch time I put my toddler in his highchair with his lunch and the tv on (not ideal, but it is what it is) and take the dog in the garden to toilet. I can stand by the back door so am still in arms reach of my son. Then I’ll do a bit of training with the dog for 10 minutes or so while my son is happy in his highchair, and afterwards the dog will happily go for another sleep in her crate at which point my son will usually have a nap too and I can sit down and breathe! The dog goes in the garden again and a bit more training before I do the school run to collect my older son - she goes back in the crate with a destruction box or her Kong. Sometimes she barks when I leave, sometimes not but I don’t think she does it the whole time I’m gone! In the afternoon/ early evening the dog will sit in the kitchen with me while I’m cooking tea and my husband takes her for a walk when he gets home from work. I have teenage children too who help entertain either the toddler or the dog after school which helps hugely. In the evenings the dog is usually passed out in her bed from about 8pm.

    Having said all of that though, if you can’t cope, don’t feel like you shouldn’t rehome the dog. You need to do the best for all concerned including the dog and if that’s rehoming with someone who has more time then so be it. I personally think having small children is way easier than having a puppy!
     
    MontesMum likes this.
  5. lucy@labforumHQ

    lucy@labforumHQ Administrator Forum Supporter

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    I'm really sorry you are having such a hard time :(

    Puppy days are tough, and so is dealing with little kids. I've got a new baby at the moment and can't imagine trying to juggle a new puppy too at this point. But that totally doesn't mean it's not possible if you want to make it work. And when your baby arrives the pup will be several months old.

    Check out this puppy blues article. How you are feeling is totally normal, and may well pass as you get a handle on things. The tiny dependant puppy days are not long lived and your new baby won't be arriving for a while.

    Let us know how you get along and what you decide. Wishing you all the best :)
     
  6. Edp

    Edp Registered Users

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    Ahh, I feel for you. I think if you had just a toddler you could probably get through the puppy stage, but with a new baby on the way realistically it’s a huge task. You also need to look after yourself, and you really need the focus on your family. Don’t beat yourself up either, we all live and learn. Your time for a pup will come and when your children are older and can be part of that process, it’s awesome. Wishing you a smooth pregnancy and safe delivery. Exciting times ahead.
     
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  7. MontesMum

    MontesMum Registered Users

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    Hiya, I just had to comment as I know exactly what you are going through. I felt the same with a hyper new puppy and new (unexpected) pregnancy. I had the same thoughts about Re homing because I just felt I could not cope. To be honest I still don’t know if or how I will cope when Baby comes. However, there is hope if you decide to keep your pup. It does get so much easier. Monte is now 7months and I’m 6 months pregnant, he is maturing and becoming such a beautiful dog. He’s still crazy and a real handful sometimes but... I set myself a strict training plan with him to really work on all the things I will need him to do and be once baby is here ( like not jumping or biting, not reacting to baby crying, rewarding calm, not being on the sofa etc ). It’s hard work but I believe it is paying off as he is such a pleasure these days. Try to stay calm - easier said than done I know! as I found my anxiety was rubbing off on him and made that awful puppy stage a whole lot worse, and made my early pregnancy a complete nightmare. Second trimester suddenly things looked so much brighter. I’m not saying keep the pup, only you can decide, but I’m pleased that I decided to work through that horrible phase because the rewards are brilliant. I might be writing on here when baby does come how I can’t cope- but one thing Monte has taught me is that ‘this too shall pass’ Better days are ahead. All the best xx
     
  8. pippa@labforumHQ

    pippa@labforumHQ Administrator

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    Hi there and welcome, you certainly have a lot on your plate right now! It's not surprising that you are feeling emotional.

    It sounds as though rehoming could be the right thing for you right now. If that is what you decide, this article may help you go about it in the best way for your dog: https://www.thelabradorsite.com/dog-rehoming/
     
    Edp likes this.

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