Regret & anxiety after adopting our labs

Discussion in 'Labrador Rescue' started by Sarah_RSA, Feb 15, 2019.

  1. Scooby99

    Scooby99 Registered Users

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    I apologize...I should have checked in to see if you responded (I will try to do better).

    * First, have they cut back on the barking when you are home?
    * Have you considered contacting an expert via phone, to ask why they think this may be happening, and what they can do to solve the issue? By this I mean "an expert". Just before we got our lab, I fell off my mark (my ultimate plan for a pedigree) and we got a rescue puppy. I paid the "Caesar (spelling?) of New Jersey $750 to rehabilitate the puppys aggression issues with being possessive with food and objects. This man was clearly, from the moment he entered our home "an expert". Unfortunately, the puppy felt that there was only room for 2 of us in our home, and I was voted out. He attacked me 3 times.
    * Earlier, this last November, I brought my boy (my Labrador) to a pet psychic. (I was highly impressed. without my prompting, he told her about his likes, his loves and his concerns)
    * We go to a holistic vet (that is where I received the recommendation for the psychic). I know they have calming and anxiety oils. We have lavendar oil which we do not use much (and honestly, at the moment I do not recall what we got it for. but we put it on his paws when they get sore from salt and cold weather.

    I am not an expert and I do not claim to be a know it all (I do not like know-it-alls) however, I continue to identify with your range of emotions. If you are a person who believes in prayer, that in itself can bring a sense of peace.
    We,... make that I, love my boy to such depth that I wanted him to have a brother. It didn't work. It was a very tough decision but I remained strong and I remained numb, kind of robotic in a way. We rehomed him in June. I am glad we brought him home. Had I not, i'd be sitting here now saying to myself "What if? If only we got a companion dog?, etc. What I never expected was that I would continue to think of him ever so briefly, every day. I try not to (or do I?)
    My point here...you are reading a response from a man who can identify with you and your range of human feelings and emotions. Your girls (they are girls?) are loved, truly loved and all four of you are new to this. There are bound to be mistakes made; life lessons learned. I feel everything will work out as it is meant to be if you remain open to the messages of the universe and the messages in your heart.

    Please keep me posted. You are in our thoughts. Bye, Bye.
     
  2. Scooby99

    Scooby99 Registered Users

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    You are full of encouragement! I think that it wonderful!
     
  3. Scooby99

    Scooby99 Registered Users

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    (i lost the response i typed. it may appear somewhere so i will make this one a bit briefer). no need to respond to this one however.

    first, we leave the tv on here at all times.
    second. does the complaining complex have any say in the matter? sure they have a right to complain but for example, if i were to (but i never would) complain to my neighbor about her grand-dog and she refuses to do anything, then what? I call the police? and they say what? "well sir, I can go over and ask them to do something, but I can't make them".
    I know you want to be fair. I realize that.
    On the other hand, I have complained several times to the police about another neighbor's extreme lack of being neighborly when they play club music for hours on end during the summer. The outcome, the police have come to my house, given me a hard time on more than one occasion.

    Please again, it is not necessary to respond to this (it is negative in content) Bye.
     
  4. Scooby99

    Scooby99 Registered Users

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    Hi again (i honestly have trouble maneuvering the threads here). So on my table in front of me as i was replying to you last night, was a pamphlet for veterinary formulated all natural calming products. Our holistic vet sells this and they would not sell anything that didn't meet their strict requirements. www.CalmMyPet.com is the site. There are 2 formulas that connect; Calm My Dog and Calm My Rescue. Calm My Dog mentions excessive barking. Calm My rescue mentions adapting to new changes.
     
  5. Athena

    Athena Registered Users

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    "Positive response" means write in excruciating detail what steps you've taken so far and what you plan to do going forward. For example ...
    "We have retained Ms X, professional dog trainer recommended by vets A, B, and C. In her opinion our dogs [ask trainer to give you a few sentences on how dogs settle in new homes, strategies or what you've been working on, progress, etc.] Point out this is almost surely an adjustment issue that will improve in the near term. Is it possible to ask family to help out with daycare $ for a few weeks? Perhaps T and Th or M,W, F? My two yo is exhausted after daycare, and even a bit tired the next day.

    What happens if you both leave with one dog? Does the other one bark continually? Both do the same? Just wondering if there a leader and a follower - if so maybe one dog could try daycare?

    Walking: what has the trainer suggested? I know personally there is no more frustrating experience than going for a "walk" with a dog that doesn't have the skills. Can you drive them someplace where they can run around and play?

    Have you contacted the rescue to ask for advice & assistance? I know each rescue is different but our local lab rescue is relatively well supported. Perhaps the rescue could help with daycare payments in the short term? It might be worth asking?

    I wonder why your immediate neighbor(s) didn't complain? Would they support your "positive response"?

    Could one or both of you take a personal or sick day, assuming when one of you is home the girls bark less? What are the quiet hours for your complex? (should be in your lease). What else can we think of to buy time for the dogs to adjust?

    Thinking of you and sending good thoughts
     
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  6. Sarah_RSA

    Sarah_RSA Registered Users

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    Thank you so much for your message, I so appreciate it! The girls don't bark much when we're home, but they will if there are monkeys about, people walking past our fence etc. Which is what dogs do, it's totally reactive barking. It just puts us on edge because now that we've had complaints, we panic with every yap, we hustle to keep them quiet after one yap which is so wrong. They are just telling us that something is out there, but we feel like they can't even do that without consequences. I'm trying to be calm because I'm sure they can pick up my stress and worry. I just don't want to lose them.

    Our trainer doesn't believe it to be separation anxiety as they are actually very calm when we leave to go to work - they don't try to escape and they're aren't destructive. They're simply trying to get used to their new environment, I just wish people would be more patient. At the moment, we're keeping them occupied with hooves and raw hides, and keeping them away from the pathway where a lot of the activity that triggers their barking comes from while we're at work. This seems to be working, as when I checked in with my neighbour on Friday afternoon she said that she hadn't heard a peep from the girls. This filled me with hope!

    Thank you so much for your understanding and kind words, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
     
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  7. Sarah_RSA

    Sarah_RSA Registered Users

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    So my argument is how does the complex opposite us know it is our dogs making a noise? I'm sure they are, but how can they point out our dogs? I will need concrete proof before they have any say in getting our dogs removed. I think if they complain constantly to our chairman I think they do have a say sadly. Realistically they need to give us time. To persecute dogs for barking while they're still trying to settle in is unfair, and I will fight tooth and nail to keep them.

    We've started leaving the radio on all day while we're at work which I think is helping :)
     
  8. Sarah_RSA

    Sarah_RSA Registered Users

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    Hi Athena, thank you for the great advice! We have asked our complex chairman to circulate a form I compiled to the complaining complex to detail the barking activity - so date, time of barking, duration, possible causes etc. If they're really serious about this they will monitor the barking, and then we can identify if there are particular times that are problematic. Our trainer will definitely write a letter for us if it comes to that, she has our back completely. I am reaching out to many people about this and they are all asking around, but I think we are kind of on our own.

    What we do know is a big problem is the pathway that connects our complex runs along our fence. So we have people walking past the fence all day. The girls bark a lot at them even though they can't see the people because the fence is wood. What we did on Friday is lock the girls in our back courtyard where they are far away from the path, left the kitchen door open and left the radio on. When I checked in with our neighbour in the afternoon, she hadn't heard a peep from them. We have tried this again today so let's see if it works again. May this be the answer!

    The girls have plenty of space to run around in the garden when we take them out of the courtyard. They seem to really like the courtyard and chill there even when they have access to the garden. We are working on walking on a leash with our trainer, as soon as they know how, they will be going for walks in the park in the evenings when we get home. One step at a time!

    Our neighbours are wonderful. They are all doggy people, with our direct neighbour having two staffies, and the lady two houses up from us has two labs. Both have said that they understand the girls are settling, and so don't feel the need to complain. In fact, the neighbour with the staffies said her dogs took three months to settle. They get it.

    Thank you for your kind words Athena, I really appreciate it!
     
  9. Ruth Buckley

    Ruth Buckley Registered Users

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    I know it's not what they're used to but could you leave them inside the house while you're at work? Maybe employ someone to let them out in the middle of the day? Thered be less to stimulate them to bark and if they did bark the noise wouldn't carry so far.
     
  10. Sarah_RSA

    Sarah_RSA Registered Users

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    Hi lovely people. We are feeling much happier and upbeat as we have figured out how to stop the barking while we're at work. We've kept the dogs away from the pathway that runs along our fence - the dogs bark at everyone who walks up and down that path. So they're in our back courtyard during the day with the kitchen door left open so that they can hear the radio. We let them out into the garden as soon as we get home, but most of the time they choose to stay in the courtyard, so maybe they have a sense of safety there. They love to play with the hooves and kongs we give them which keeps them busy during the day.

    We actually got an email from the chairman of our complex asking if we still have the dogs as nobody has heard them, and we got an email from the complainers from the complex opposite us saying that "the problem" has been solved. We are so relieved, and being less stressed has definitely allowed me to bond with the girls more.

    Thank you for all your comments, they have been so helpful :)
     
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  11. Scooby99

    Scooby99 Registered Users

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    One day at a time...it is easy in theory, not so easy in reality. My Labs name is Adin. He loves people, loves life and he is a very good judge of character. As a therapy dog, we are out visiting people 1-2 times a week. He may love people, but he is a good judge of character....he can feel out "good" people easily. We are constantly being told that these (and other people we meet) love the company of dogs over that of people. We also are told and believe that dogs are put here and in our lives for a reason and they have a whole lot to teach us about life, and love. Unfortunately, in our opinion (i speak for Adin and myself), quite often, the people that need to learn the most about life and love, are the ones that give us the most difficulty. We are quite alike in many ways however, I at times do wish I were more like Adin .
    We anxiously await your next update. The girls I believe, feel the tremendous love and security they are receiving. Bye
     
  12. Scooby99

    Scooby99 Registered Users

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    Wow, I just spotted this. (Personally, I think we need our own email chain of our own outside of this, so that I at least, can keep track of all the posts. I am sure I am missing some.

    Now what I would enjoy hearing are some of the daily anecdotes of life and love in your household.

    BTW: If I understand this correctly, you are leaving the door open for them? I take it you do not live in New Jersey. It has been in the 20's much of the last week plus.

    Be well!
     
  13. Sarge Brown

    Sarge Brown Registered Users

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    Sarah,

    Have you read anything about reactive dogs and BAT 2.0 training? My daughter has a very reactive female, almost 3. The Reactive Dog classes and BAT 2.0 suggestions have saved her, her sanity, and her dog. There are proactive tips included in BAT in training to assist dogs with relaxing from “guard duty” self imposed due to noise and sight of triggers. gs like keeping music or TV on while you are gone,using wax paper to cover windows where triggers wander past, gates and crates to keep your girls feeling safe and secure so barking isn’t as necessary.

    You sound like a loving caring “momma”, and a trainer that understands dog behaviors and methods of management until training takes effect might be a godsend for you and your girls.

    Best of luck with your two girls. Labs can be tough, but they are wonderful friends and companions once they “get” the rules.

    All the best.
     

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