Can I just suggest that you all spend a day away from the pup? Get someone to look after your puppy for the day and juse go and enjoy yourselves for the day. No talking about rehoming or keeping just a relaxed day as a family. It might just help to clarify the situation.
Switch makes a good point I think. Maybe a couple of days....just to see how you feel.....with someone we looking after your pup. Give you some perspective?
Thank you for your encouragement. I’ve started on click for quiet training today. I’m just not sure how it translates to him remaining quiet if he’s asleep in his crate, we go out, but when he wakes he starts barking and won’t stop until we come home. Is it possible for click for quiet training to be built up and train him to not automatically bark when he wakes and we’re not there? I don’t know how to break this habit he’s in and I’m not there to give him any instructions so I’m desperate to figure out a way to get him to realise he’s ok, we always come back and him barking isn’t going to bring us back. How does a dog decide to settle himself down and just wait quietly? If we were able to achieve this in his training it would be the biggest factor in feeling we can cope because then we can go out for an hour or two and not be constantly worried he’s barking the place down. My husband is in the ‘if I can’t hear him, I’m not bothered’ camp but I feel sure there’s something we can be doing to train the pup to be happier on his own.
The way to do that is to very gradually build up the time he’s alone, starting with whatever length of time he can last (this might be a few seconds at the moment). You are getting him used to it in tiny steps, ensuring he can handle each step before you extend the time. So, start with stepping out of the room for a few seconds, after leaving him with a filled Kong. Then next time make it 5 seconds. Then 7 seconds. Then 10 seconds....and so on. You don’t need to click or give a treat on your return - in fact it’s best to make returns low key and to reserve the treats (a longer lasting treat like a Kong) for your departure. If you dedicate a couple of days to this you may find that you can make a lot of progress. You can also use a crate or pen if you are not doing this already, so you can be sure he’s safe and not trashing the joint when you’re out of the room. Here’s an article on crate training, including training your pup to be left alone happily in his crate: https://www.thelabradorsite.com/crate-training-your-labrador-puppy/ You can do ‘click for quiet’ in parallel to all this to train him to settle quietly while you’re in the room. Have you given any thought to the behaviourist idea? They can demonstrate these methods for you and prepare a training plan.
My puppy is almost 18 weeks and I struggled a lot with him being a loud little terrorist in his crate, out of his crate, in public, while I was on the phone, in the car....everywhere possible he would bark, cry, and jump up on me to get my attention. I started leaving him slowly in his crate with a cookie for 30 seconds and worked my way up to a couple hours. Now I see him on my dog camera happily sleeping away or licking his kong while I'm gone. He even lets me be in the house while he naps in his crate! He turned around in about 2 weeks and things are so much better. I worked a ton on click to calm with him as well. He loves his kibble so I would just give him a click and a kibble every time he was acting like a nice puppy wherever I was with him. He got about two meals a day by simply standing/sitting/laying without making noise with all four feet on the ground. After about a week of doing this everywhere, he figured out that good things only happen to quiet puppies and he wouldn't get a treat and the attention he wants if he's screeching at me and jumping. I understand your feelings completely. I would just look at the little guy and wonder how I would survive him, but I just stuck with it and he is figuring things out slowly.
@Jessie17 I just wanted to add my support and really admire how honest you have been. I don’t have any further advice to add as you have been given lots of good tips already. I’m one of those people who absolutely adored my puppy from day one but even I was exhausted by the end of week one and can remember sitting crying on the floor with her in my arms after she had done yet another poo on the kitchen floor. My husband really didn’t like her as a puppy, and offered no support, now he loves her. It will be three years at then end of January and I can still remember the exhaustion. I think when you are so tired it’s easy to feel judged by others, these people don’t matter, whatever you choose over the next few weeks will be the right one for you, your family and your puppy. That is all that matters at the end of the day. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas xx
When we first started leaving Duggan alone in his pen we put one of my unwashed t shirts in with him. He would drag it over and snuggle up to it. Might help a bit. Hope everything is going well.
I've not posted before as I really don't quite know what to say - apart from you are being totally honest and I admire you for that. You seem to be a caring person who, if you decide to rehome your pup will do so responsibly. I must say I adored my boy from the first time I saw him but, even with having family dogs growing up, and my sister always having a dog, the sheer shock and exhaustion, the pain from the biting and the worry of this little bundle being dependant on me and my OH was terrifying. I joined this forum, and even if I didn't post questions I found reading through the treads really helped. I learnt so much from everyone on here - training kindly was how I wanted to go, and finding like minded people that shared their experiences was wonderful. I do hope that with support and encouragement here you can make the best decision for you and your family and for your pup. Good luck and please let us know what you decide. I hope that Christmas was peaceful for you
Thanks again so much to every single one of you, for your advice and support which I’ve read over many times. Just to update you - we have started to see some positive improvements in the pup’s behaviour and we decided to ‘properly’ crate him yesterday as he was nearly leaping out of his playpen when barking for attention so it didn’t seem safe anymore. He slept fine in his crate overnight and has had a couple of naps in it too. He seems to be relaxing a bit more and in all other respects continues to be a really lovely dog. Yesterday was in fact the first day when my OH asked if still felt like the pup needed a different home and I genuinely said ‘No Way, we need to stick with it’ and I really meant it. I just felt out of nowhere much more optimistic and relaxed. However, today I feel very ‘flat’ again and I’m realising now that this is less and less about the dog and more about me and what I can cope with before my anxiety - and possibly depression - kicks in. And that’s certainly nothing the dog is doing wrong! I don’t trust my emotions anymore because I’m so up and down. Therefore I also don’t trust my ability to make the best decision about this puppy right now. It feels like when I feel OK I want to push through the challenges and just accept that we need to take responsibility and get on with it. But when I feel low or exhausted again, I feel like the pup really does deserve a home where he will be fully enjoyed. I’m also really aware he’s bonding to us all this time and that makes me feel incredibly sad and guilty It makes no sense really but I will be speaking to my doctor in the new year as with or without a dog, I’ve realised I shouldn’t feel this anxious or confused about something as normal as getting a dog. Getting him may have triggered something in me but the fact that I’m finding myself so indecisive and torn tells me at least I shouldn’t rehome him until I’m absolutely sure. OH is still quite ‘neutral’ but that’s probably more to do with his character and he’s also waiting to see if I really want to keep the dog or not. He says he will support my decision either way but the fact remains he will be with the dog the most when we all go back to school so I feel he needs to really want him, not just be neutral. Meanwhile our kids are (rightly) assuming we are fine now and I don’t want to confuse them by talking about it anymore with them. We said we would wait until after the holidays so that’s what we’re sticking to. I really, really wish I felt differently but it’s going to be 2 months since we got him soon and I am starting to think we may just not be right for dog-ownership. When I read about others who have not connected at first with their dog it still seems like they really wanted to just persevere, and have done. But then, you wouldn’t be here on this forum if you had rehomed your dog. Thanks so much for listening to my ramblings.
So much of what you have written resonates with me - I felt like you earlier in the year. My thread ‘Puppy Blues’ is very long and some of it is to do with already having an older Lab but my head was in a seriously bad place from February until around June so that gives you an idea of the length of time it took me to sort myself out. To think a small puppy (who I absolutely adore now and she is becoming a wonderful dog) had that effect on me is truly shocking. Every day, I thought this puppy has to go, I can’t cope. Before I retired I had a seriously responsible job that meant I had to make crucial decisions, manage many people and be constantly thinking on my feet - my family and close friends were very shocked at how I literally fell to pieces over a small puppy. It makes me cringe now to remember how I was. I lost two stone in weight, couldn’t eat, could barely function some days. The worst thing was how my mind would flip from being totally positive to totally pessimistic in minutes. It was very frightening. One morning I took the puppy outside for her early morning wee, I passed out and came to lying on the grass being licked by her and my husband rushing outside to carry me in. Scary stuff. I have to add - I have completely returned to ‘normal’ - sleep deprivation, exhaustion, anxiety, not being able to eat, feeling I had sacrificed my liberty, making a ‘crazy’ decision to get another dog, etc etc all took it’s toll. I did visit my GP and anti depressants were suggested but I am so against medication if it can be avoided - at that point I knew I had to sort myself out and it coincided with my puppy changing gradually from a total croco pup to a toilet trained, more manageable and loving little dog. So your last sentence in the quote makes good sense.
Thanks, it’s reassuring to know others have felt this dreadful at this stage and got through it. I have had several panic attacks (never, ever experienced this before in my life!) and wanted to run away! Sometimes I wish I could press “pause” on the Puppy until I figure this out. But that’s about as realistic as winding back the clock and not getting him in the first place!
Ditto and never ever had in my life before - I am 67. The ‘fight or flight’ instinct kicked in daily and was very scary as I’d never experienced something so intense as that. My DH kept saying it would all get better (he was right) but it was as if he was talking a foreign language I couldn’t understand. I remember getting irritated at him as it felt like he was trivialising it all. He was wonderful. It did scare him though how I became and I am sorry to have caused such worry. However, I have come through it and I think it has enhanced my ability to empathise and understand other people experiencing these feelings - it is most unpleasant.
I I can so relate to how you are feeling it's horrible and not a nice way to feel for most of the day. I too have once very nearly regimes our puppy but I'm really really trying. I'm sure things will work out for you
