Re: Serious help needed please! Sorry, forgot to say - try to look for daycare that is equipped to deal with small pups. They shouldn't be running free all day with adult dogs. Some places I visited had outside space, but young ones in a big shed with comfy crates. They were allowed out, but not all day. ie they had loads of down time.
Re: Serious help needed please! I can't help because I have never worked full time with ours but many many people would say dogs in a flat won't work and we manage even with a Labrador pup to manage it some how. So if the will is there you will find the way. IMO the puppy is super lucky that you care enough to worry if you are doing your best, so many people wouldn't give it a second thought and only when a disaster occurs throw up their hands and give up.
Re: Serious help needed please! All I can add is this , think very hard about things , even writing down the pros and cons , it really can help . You have a major decision to make one way or another so try to take a little time please x
Re: Serious help needed please! yes if you can write things down and also try to talk to your partner about possibly rehoming the pup as if he is away he may not realise the problems with your stress at work etc men often dont want to face facts good luck
Re: Serious help needed please! Thank you, I am definitely in no rush to make decisions, it has only been a week and with not having a dog before it was always going to be stressful. My partner is actually the one who first suggested rehoming her when I first confided in him on Friday about how stressed I was about her having a happy life. Also just to add, although it is just me she is living with at the moment, people have been in and out over the week so she has met others, was just wanting to be safe before introducing her to other animals before her second jag. My friend has a 12 week old puppy and has already said we should walk them together and before I even got her I had phoned about puppy classes to take her to but I can;t do that until she is vaccinated. I will let you all know how I get on, feeling a lot more calm now. The pros and cons list is a great suggestion and probably something my partner and I should do together when he is home. Again, thank you all.
Re: Serious help needed please! Hi, I can't add much to the excellent advice you've already had. Like JulieT says take your time, maybe try puppy day care to see if it will work. I don't know, but maybe it's best to try something to see if it'll work before you make your decision. if it's any help, when we first got meg, my niece didn't like it at all. She was 6 at the time. We just made sure that meg was worn out before she visited by playing with her, and after a few visits they became best friends. My niece always liked being centre of attention and I think she thought that would stop because all the attention might have been focused on meg. We got her involved in helping to feed meg and when she could go out we used to let her share holding the lead.
Re: Serious help needed please! i am glad you are feeling a bit more positive it is very difficult whatever you decide to do my lab has given us a lot of problems she wakes up from 4am and barks we have tried every advice on here but we can not get it to stop people do have puppies and work so it can be done there is nothing like taking your dog out for a walk it is very good for destressing we have many miles of woods to walk in we are very lucky
Re: Serious help needed please! As a recent first time puppy owner who has been in similar shoes as you, I think you should stick it out. The first few weeks aren't fun. It's a huge adjustment. My husband and I thought many times, "What have we done?!?!" And we have only been married 2 months, so I understand your concern with a puppy being hard on relationships. Our girl has brought on much more stress and work than we anticipated. I have had a few tear-filled days, because I felt like my life was consumed with all things puppy and that I was neglecting everything else in my life. But it's sooooooo worth it. SO WORTH IT. We wouldn't trade our little babe for anything. We are both already so attached. I think you should give it more time. It does get easier. My only concern is that you're mostly doing this by yourself. I don't think I could do it without my husband, as it would just be too much with working full-time and having the house to take care of. We switch off on coming home at lunch and taking the puppy out at night, and when either of us feels like we're losing patience, the other will take over. Do you have anyone that can help out on a regular basis? That has helped my stress tremendously. Hang in there. I so feel your pain. It is so very hard. But it sounds like you're doing a great job. Your pup is lucky to have someone who cares so much!
Re: Serious help needed please! I think you are brave coming on the forum to admit that you are concerned that getting a puppy may not have been the right decision for you and your partner. Having read your posts I can either give you my honest opinion on what I think you should do or the one that you want to hear ? My honest opinion is that I think you have taken on too much and that you should return the puppy to the breeder. I think that you have too many issues going on that are going against you. Yes, the early days are testing for every puppy owner but they aren't over and done with in a couple of weeks. The chewing and mouthing stage can last a year or longer. You need to seriously consider the use of a crate if you have a chewing puppy before they end up with a stomach blockage or killing themselves after biting through cables. Labradors are excitable and powerful puppies and knock young children over very easily, it is easy for young children to be permantly scared of dogs after one such episode. Young puppies really should not be left for most of the day on their own, if you cannot arrange for someone to come in every few hours to allow it to toilet outside and give it some attention then I don't think it is fair on the puppy. I don't think you have to make a decision immediately but the longer you leave it the harder it will be, particularly if you make the decision to say goodbye. Having a puppy can have a big impact on your life and I think sometimes we underestimate quite how much of an impact it has, both positive and negative. I hope you can come to a decision. Chloe
Re: Serious help needed please! I think if you can feel you can cope for the next week or so, or even month, then review and make a decision. It really is hard in the beginning, you don't get a moment to yourself, it is stressful as well as pleasurable, but suddenly it all clicks into place. Dog walker or day care will take a lot of pressure off you.
Re: Serious help needed please! [quote author=Stacia link=topic=7707.msg107790#msg107790 date=1410116160] I think if you can feel you can cope for the next week or so, or even month, then review and make a decision. It really is hard in the beginning, you don't get a moment to yourself, it is stressful as well as pleasurable, but suddenly it all clicks into place. Dog walker or day care will take a lot of pressure off you. [/quote] Very good advice. If you keep this dog, she'll be with you a decade or more. You can get over the initial teething problems - lots of us have them. Working and having a pup can work fine with good planning.
Re: Serious help needed please! I really feel for you, so very brave to post your concerns. You seem like a lovely, caring person, just under a bit of stress at the moment. When we brought our puppy home, I must admit to being totally unprepared, and felt completely overwhelmed 2 weeks in. I remember clearly staring at the pup, wondering what on earth were we thinking? I didn't expect the broken nights, worrying..completely re-organising our house...and our (already busy.) lives to accommodate our puppy. We planned our pups day with almost military precision.. we had too for the puppy sake, this meant from 6.30am unitl 10.30pm we had a schedule in place. We both work full time, and have a dog walker who now takes Benson out for 2 hours a day. In the early days the dog walker just took him out for a half hour twice a day. Our dog walker has been a god send! We have lots of contingencies in place if things don't go according to plan. If you can plan a schedule, if only to give yourself a break, this will help. The next few weeks will be a real challenge, and on top of that you have other family issues to consider. Maybe you need a bit of time out, and to sit down with your partner to have a think through. Good luck with what ever you decide to do
Re: Serious help needed please! my dear! let me weigh in... for what it's worth. thing the first: GET SOME SLEEP. i can say, speaking personally, that EVERYTHING seems horrible and the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it when i am sleep-deprived. i'm moody, emotional, exhausted, and problems are magnified a thousand-fold... so - your first duty is to promise yourself you will not get up more than a half hour 'earlier' the next few days to help stabilize your sleep schedule/reserves. thing the second: once you've gotten some sleep...i strongly recommend you make a short list, with these categories: 1 - things that WILL change. 2 - things that COULD change. 3 - things that will NOT change. examples of #1: biting, mouthing, time demands, etc. examples of #2: your partner's daughter's opinion of the sweet pup, your family's willingness to help. examples of #3: your partner's work schedule, your work schedule, etc. it helps tremendously to sort things, mentally, into what you CAN affect/influence vs what you CANNOT affect/influence. this helps you dispose, mentally, of what you can do nothing about - for example, right now, i'm assuming you both must work (i know how it is, we both must work here too) - so you know worrying over your work schedules will do no good. psshh - out of mind - spend your mental energies thinking of what CAN be influenced, such as care options, possible future work flexibility, etc. thing the third: as everyone else has pointed out... the puppy WILL move through these early days. it DOES get better. however, the first 10-12 months all present their own unique challenges. i'd recommend you read up on what to expect throughout puppy's first year of life. this definitely goes on your list of things that will NOT change. if you feel you and your partner can handle what's coming, and believe me, knowledge is power *grin*... then it helps to know what to anticipate and work on how you will handle it. having a good grip on things helps so much with stress levels. it would be marvelous to include your partner's daughter in this, too - you don't say how old she is, but it sounds like she is fairly young, still... so it'd be good to talk to her about exactly what to expect. thing the fourth: all that said... it may well be that you ultimately decide it's best to return the puppy to the breeder. let me chime in here and strongly stress to you that you are NOT a bad owner for having this as an option. NOT. A. BAD. OWNER. quite the contrary - you are proving yourself EXACTLY the right kind of puppy parent the world needs more of - the kind who is willing to actually consider what's best for the puppy, vs what one wants for one's own self. ultimately, the decision is yours and your partner's, but it's important to sort out what can be changed and what cannot be changed so you know what to focus on, vs churning your brain's wheels on the immoveable. please let us know what you decide, and i hope you stay here with us no matter what you do.... it's a warm and friendly place, and who knows what your future holds? sending much warmth your way!
Re: Serious help needed please! If you do decide to send her back to the breeder, sooner is better than later - 11 weeks would be fine, so long as you have done some early socialising with her. And the pup would be absolutely fine - it's your heart that would be broken, not hers! I have Gypsy, a Guide Dog pup. Her first Puppy Walker had to give har up at ten weeks old, through no fault of her own - her 4 year old son simply couldn't cope with her. So quite similar circumstances to you. She was heartbroken, especially after all the assessments they had to have from Guide Dogs to become Puppy Walkers in the first place! Gypsy was with them from 7 to 10 weeks. She then came to me and was right as rain from the first minute. Of course, Gypsy will be leaving me at 12/14 months old to go to Big School then her eventual owner at about 2 years old. Dogs don't look back. If they meet you again they are overjoyed, of course. But - if all is good at their new home - they are absolutely fine. I see this time and time again with Guide Dogs. Yesterday 3 were reunited with their puppy walkers for a short time at a fun day and the dogs simply thrilled to see their previous 'mums'. But went of again with their trainers, happy as larry. The same happens when they go to their new Guide Dog owners. If dogs come from good, happy backgrounds and have always been well cared for, there is no problem in transition. The terrible stories you hear are of rescue and mistreated dogs - not a pup in your circumstances. Think about the way they leave their Brood Bitch Mum - once settled in their new home they are not thinking about the BB - just 'what's for dinner Mum'! They are not like us in their attachments to parents. If you decide to keep her, on the other hand, I know you will work things out - and the pup will be fine then too (There, how's that for a follow up to my first post of 'no advice'! lol ) All the best to you all, I really feel for you as only dog lovers can
Re: Serious help needed please! hi i hope you have been able to sleep as others say that is vital if your pup lets you i think the idea of writing out what can or can not change is good if you decide to keep the puppy then it does mean that your lives will not be the same but as well as a lot of work you will have huge amounts of fun eventually but lots of issues biting and all training see on here about letting your puppy off the lead then you will be able to have great walks dont feel bad about getting the puppy you are trying to do what is best and there is lots of help on here best wishes
Re: Serious help needed please! Good luck with whatever you decide. I was going to write that there are two things to decide on - can you cope with the transitional puppy/young dog issues, and then also can you offer this dog the companionship, exercise and mental stimulation that she needs. Only you can answer those questions - and if you need support, or have questions, or just need a shoulder to cry on, that is what the forum is for. We're behind you.
Re: Serious help needed please! Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the lovely, supportive and extremely helpful messages. I managed 6 hours sleep last night, so feel lots better today. My work very kindly allowed me to work from home from half 11 until 1 so I got an hour and a half at home today then I was allowed home early too, just a one off and even though I know it cannot happen again it gave me some time to try and out things into place. I phoned the local vets today to enquire about dog walkers in the area, there seems to only be one but the vet gave me her number and I have left her a message explaining my situation. I also enquired about dog day care and spoke to the owner who was lovely and told me as soon as my pup has had her second vaccination she can go along while I'm at work, she will be kept in a seperate part of the kennels, actually where the owner lives because she is still young, the woman has also said we are to pop along at anytime to have a look around so might do that at the weekend. So feeling a bit more pro active about the situation rather than just wallowing in it. My partner is home at the beginning of next week so that feels closer now and I'm looking forward to having some help. Then we'll take it from there and make the decision. If we do decide to give her up, could anyone tell me what the correct thing to do it. I know most have said take her back to the breeder but I would be terrified this would happen again. The breeder did not ask us any questions about our circumstances, she didn't know where we lived or anything, she just signed the papers over to us and that was us. I feel I would rather find someone who will be able to give her what she needs but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do that?
Re: Serious help needed please! if the breeder was not very interested in your situation i would suggest that a lab rescue might be able to help as you bought thepup not rescued you are at liberty to do what you want google labrador rescue
Re: Serious help needed please! [quote author=sussex link=topic=7707.msg107986#msg107986 date=1410194479] if the breeder was not very interested in your situation i would suggest that a lab rescue might be able to help as you bought the pup not rescued you are at liberty to do what you want [/quote] I have to agree with that. Doesn't sound like the breeder will be much help.
Re: Serious help needed please! You are clearly making all the right moves and doing your best. Whatever happens you have nothing to reproach yourself for. I truly hope it all works out well for you.
