hi all, Please can someone help, we seem to have inadvertently rewarded crying and now we are sharing our bed with our ever growing pup. About a week or so ago my husband and I, feeling pretty run down and sorry for ourselves, allowed our 7 month pup upstairs in the mornings so that we could get another hours sleep each day. She used to wake between 5:30 and 6:30 each day. However, now she has started waking earlier and earlier (last night was 2am) and will not go back in her pen- she will only settle back down if we take her upstairs. Ideally I'd like her place of sleep to be downstairs but to let her up occasionally so we can have a lie in. Is this just too confusing for her? What should we do? The way I see it my options are: 1) just let her sleep upstairs, maybe put her bed up there to encourage her away from lying across my knees. We will be able to sleep in later but I hve no doubt her snoring and padding around the bed will keep me up. 2) stop letting her upstairs when she wakes in the night. This will mean LOTS of howlng over the next few nights when she wakes but hopefully she'll get the message(maybe?) 3) stop letting her upstairs ever Both 2 and 3 will mean we hve to let her cry and I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I hate to think of her being scared or in pain (needing the toilet) and us just ignoring her. Any thoughts? Achy knees Louise
Apart from the first couple of weeks in her crate Juno has never been allowed upstairs, let alone sleep on the bed. If you're happy to have her sleep upstairs that's fine, if you want her to sleep downstairs that's fine but I thin hour have confused her by allowing her upstairs you can have a lie-in. Your pup can't tell the time but when she wakes you've been taking her upstairs, it makes no difference to he what the clock says. If you want her back downstairs I think you'll need to go back to basics and take her for a wee when she wakes, no interaction with her and back to bed.
If mine wake too early I let them out in the garden with no interaction at all, then put them back in their crates with a tasty Kong. When I let them out for breakfast I then talk to them and make a fuss of them. Wispa shows no reaction at all and just pops out into the garden when I don't react to her, but is always excited and wants a tummy-rub when I let her out for breakfast. Tuppence doesn't really want to go out early and her top priority is always breakfast later, not tummy-rubs! It's better to leave your pup downstairs to avoid confusion - and you'll get a better lie-in too!
There is another option which is a variation on Option 1, which is to allow her upstairs to sleep in your room but either: 1a) have her bed in the room on the floor and chuck her off your bed every single time she gets on it. She is allowed only on her own bed. 1b) have her in a crate in your room and keep her in it. Take her out for a wee just before you all go to bed and then either don't get up to her at all or else go back to basic toilet training and wake her up at 2am to pee, then the next night 2.30am, then next night 3.00am....till you get to your normal waking time. Kind of a very accelerated toilet training approach.
This is really a personal choice. When we got Harley I said not upstairs, no eating human food at all, not on furniture and definately no sleeping upstairs. The no furniture rule lasted 1 day The no human food lasted the longest.....6 months The no upstairs lasted 3 days The no sleeping upstairs lasted 3 weeks......I then said not on our bed....this lasted a further 2 days
Charlie slept downstairs until he was about 16months. We never got up to him (he wasn't in a crate, he was in a pen and in an emergency could move away from his bed to pee or poo) and because we never got up for him he was completely silent. No barking, no whining, nothing. But then, he was ill one night and we felt really bad we hadn't known when he needed us.... We then installed baby monitors etc. We were still worried. So he came to sleep with us, so we would never not know if he needed us. And that's where he has stayed.... We have a huge bed, but whereas my OH seems to be able to stay asleep as the dog whacks both of us with his hind legs because he wants a tummy rub in the middle of the night, my sleep patterns are a bit more sensitive. So I have taken to sleeping in the spare room....which suits everyone just fine. Seriously though, I think dogs need to be able to spend the night alone without making a fuss, need to be able to stay quiet in the mornings....but also are much happier sleeping with their pack family.
I think you will get far better rest (being a light sleeper myself) if your pup sleeps downstairs, I would go right back to basics and dont worry about the crying. If she cries, get up to take her outside to the toilet, dont interact, and put her straight back. If necessary give her a favourite toy or a treat to chew on while she resettles. I think it will take 3-4 nights for her to learn the new rules, and actually she will feel more secure after wards. I think dogs need security and routine and right now she is not sure what she is up to or what you are up to. A firm hand is actually kind. We have done it like this from the start and Huxley is a brilliant sleeper, in his crate around 10 p.m, and does not make a peep until my partner gets him up for breakfast at 6.30. Sometimes when he leaves the house we put him back to sleep from 7.30-9, and he is as happy as anything. We have never allowed him out of his crate for crying and so he doesnt bother and just settles. If he is sick he will cry (as he did the other night) and one of us will be with him in moments. And even after vomiting the other night, he had a cuddle, and then went happily back into his crate and settled until 8 a.m. I just know I would never get any sleep with a dog in my bed personally.
I know it sounds (and feels) harsh but if you want her to sleep downstairs you need to steel your heart about the crying. As others have said, take her out to the toilet then back in, no interaction - you are not being "angry" at her, but you are not rewarding her either. If you are like me, then it is heart-breaking to hear the whimpering; but you know she isn't really suffering and that it is for the best. It won't take long for her to understand the rules again. If it helps..... tell yourself that you mustn't let your dog bully you! Good luck, do let us know how you get on....
I guess this is totally personal choice. You need to decide where you want her to sleep and then be consistent in reinforcing that's where you want to be. I have had 5 dogs over the years. Not one of them has ever made it upstairs let alone get anywhere near our bed. They have all settled and slept happily downstairs from being puppies. I still love (loved) them all to the moon and back. I suspect as you have got this far that will not be the case for you. So I guess either accept her in your bed or have a few nights of whining to get her back to her crate. It usually does not take long to get back into the old routine. Best of luck whatever you decision
It's a slippery slope. I think if you really don't want her in your bed, you have to go cold turkey. Better now than when it really has become established. (speaking from experience, like......)
Having the dogs sleep upstairs has never been an option for me due to too much medical equipement and nasty drugs (prescription) which are kept upstairs. I don't want any risk to them and its better they are keep down stairs. You would not believe what the labrador hair does to some of my machines! I do however sleep with my pups until they no longer need me and try not to get up in the night too much. I gradually ween them off me being there all night all have been different and i,ve also done this when they have been sick. All dogs except Rory sleep where they like down stairs at night and they are allowed free run of the ground floor until i get up any where between 3 and 5. The older dogs are sensible and used to this Rory however is not we've tried him loose in the kitchen a few times and he's always not been able to resist eating the washing machine. He is still crated when I'm not around but I'm going to try and leave him with the others at night as I'm feeling daring. I've done it a few times when I been staying with relatives and he's been fine. He does feel stress a little more than the others which seems to be due to his personality. We've improved his confidence as he's got older and I hoping to have him loose like the other soon. He's over 2 years now so prepared to be patient what ever you decide some mature quicker than others
Thanks everyone, I suspect this is linked to a broader issue of separation anxiety. She doesn't kike to be alone and although until last week she was always fine at night, she would wake very early (5-6am) and if she was awake would not want to be downstairs alone. She also cries if we go upstairs without her during the day. It's not good when you can't even go to the loo in peace So, if we decide to have her upstairs, in her own bed so we can get some more sleep, are we just going to be Makng her worse at being alone? I just can't decide what is best.
Personally, I would just have her bed in my room and stop worrying about it! If you can all sleep, then everyone will be happier. And no, I don't think you will be encouraging her separation anxiety - on the contrary, she may well be more confident if she feels secure and has company in the night time. The truth is - everyone has to work this one out for themselves.. some love having their dogs sleeping with them, others hate it. Some hate it to begin with, and grow to love it...
I'm with Karen, ultimately only you can decide what feels right for you, your pup and your family. How is she when you leave her alone in the house? Is it only when you are at home she fusses about being alone? If she's fine when left alone you can work on the "at home" fussing a it is important that they can cope with being alone in a room for a while without you. Good luck with your choice
Our dogs have always slept in the same room with us. They were crated there when they were young, but now have the run of the house, but typically sleep in the bedroom at night. Cooper (9 months now) mostly sleeps on the bed. That may have been a mistake, considering how big she is. That started when my wife let her on the bed after we took her out about 6:00 am Cooper would complain about going back in the crate, and Pat gave in. I think things work out better when they are allowed to sleep in the same room. It seems like it is much easier to house break a pup when they are crated in the bedroom at night. At our home we have a dog door so they can get to the back yard anytime they want, unless they are confined to the kitchen for some reason (not common). At our cabin, we don't have a fence because there is too much snow in the winter. We have to take them out, but never in the middle of the night.
Thanks all, its reassuring that there are a range of views out there. She is certainly happier with us and sleeps in much later. The last two nights she has slept upstairs and not even stirred to go out in the night, in fact she's not woken until our alarm clock goes off at 7:30 (which after 5 months of 'get-ups' at around 05:30 is a very welcome change). So I think we will be happier people too. The separation anxiety I think is a problem both when we are in and out. When we are in, it only takes one of us going upstairs (we have a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs) and she will sit and cry until we come back down, or she is distracted with play or food. As I work from home, we have only left her alone a few times. We are trying to do this a bit more frequently and for longer periods of time and we have had a mixed response. It seems that if we leave her in her pen then she wails and wails but we've left her a few times in the living room with the tv on and she has been ok (so far). Last weekend we managed 2 whole hours at a neighbours house (my husband was sent to quietly listen in at the window a few times and all seemed calm). Then the guilt kicked in and I came home - but I came home to a pup asleep on the sofa and the only sign of movement from when we left was the pile of her toys in the middle of the floor So, the problem could be the pen. Its not small (prob about 2 square meters) but she is growing fast ad probably cant stretch out in it as she likes (her crate is in there too). I don't know, maybe the sleeping with us isn't such a big deal, i'm just trying to find the line between keeping her happy and spoiling her. I think we'll try the pen (without her crate) in our room this weekend and see how we get on with that. She doesn't really need it downstairs any more anyway. Thanks for all advice
We has the exact same rules - all broken! My parents dogs all slept outside and never on sofa - Labradors are a different breed, they are 30 kg hot water bottles!
We had a very similar issue with Quincy around the same age. He was waking earlier and earlier and I was exhausted!! I moved his crate into our bedroom and he now sleeps until my alarm goes off. I think he just likes to know we are right there
Ah-haa! We too are trying to work this one out with Luffy. Currently he sleeps downstairs; the stairs upstairs are cordoned off with a baby-gate. My mother sleeps with the pup downstairs, and has been doing so for a fair few months much to my chagrin. Luffy, has now taken to sleeping in the front room on his own on the sofa. From time to time he will find the need to snuggle up next to my mother’s feet. As he is now 9 months of age, we are thinking of letting him upstairs at night, of course I’ve told my folks to puppy proof the rooms as he has a penchant for chewing socks and under garments…
